Lawyers Who needs them?

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Selastra, Sep 25, 2007.

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  1. I just read another thread about Nurses and coppers being treated better than service personnel.... and they mentioned soldiers Vs lawyers, then I thought if we had a Bn of Lawyers to take on the taliban then that would be a great help. The Taliban would become bogged down in no time, with restraining orders flying everywhere, and lengthy disputes taking years to come to court.

    Just how many lawyers do we really need in this country? is there a world shortage i'm not aware of?

    Answers on a £20 note addressed to me please
     
  2. F*ck him, send them on a tenner to me. See, undercut you already.
     
  3. OK, I'm going to sue you..... I just need a lawyer..... you can never find one when you want one Doh!
     
  4. "Hanging all the lawyers would not solve all of America's problems, but would be a great deal of fun and could harm no-one."

    Sam Clemens (aka Mark Twain)

    I think it applies to the UK as well.
     
  5. BiscuitsAB

    BiscuitsAB LE Moderator

    As much as I like my commercial lawyer on a personal basis, they are still a bunch of self serving buggers. I've been involved in a court case for nearly two years now and couldnt pull out if I wanted to as the costs that I need to recover are now far in excess of the claim. Stick the two together and its over 50K most of that has been paid to "legal advisers" the only ones who benefit are the bloody lawyers, I must have contributed a significant percentage of this guys annual fee income.

    Wouldst that I could do this the old fashioned way and tip up at the miscreants premisis and ask them politely for the money!
     
  6. There's an old joke about lawyers:

    What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

    One is a scum sucking bottom dweller and the other's a fish.

    I love how if you get hurt and have to sue for the money, on average, they get roughly 33% of the gross of all the money.
     
  7. Here's another one.... What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?
    A. The rooster clucks defiance.................
     
  8. Think you will find its a bit more than that. Whiplash claims for example, it wouldnt be too unusual for solicitor to get about 10k in costs whereas the claimant may be awarded 2.5-3k.
     
  9. Why don't sharks eat lawyers after a shipwreck?

    Professional courtesy...

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Researchers have stated that in obedience to animal rights legislation they will now use lawyers instead of rats for experiments. On the plus side there are more lawyers than rats anyway and the lab assistants don't get as attached to the lawyers. On the down side it is harder to extrapolate test results from lawyers to humans...

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

    How much money have you got?
     
  10. Lawyers always have a picture of a snake on the office wall, cos it gives them something to look up to!!!
     
  11. What do you call 500 lawyers chained to rocks at the bottom of the sea?


    - A good start...
     
  12. ''The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers,'' ''Henry VI,'' Part II, act IV, Scene II,

    i once read there are 1 million lawyers in america ffs

    i have got 3 solicitors and they are all ******* useless and at 170 to 300 quid an hour!!!!

    i once had one who was great though, i once phoned him at 10 am and he was as pissed as a lord, but sharp as a tack- a sound chappie