Lap Dance Virginity

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Cait, Jul 11, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Thursday night I was stuck in West Brom at a sales meeting thinking that my life couldn't get any duller until a couple of the lads came bounding into the conference room beaming like school boys at the sight of their first chubby on!

    When I asked what the score was, they had noticed a lap dancing bar across the way from our hotel needless to say that night after a few beers this was to become the ERP to escape the crusties who refused to clock off work.

    Sitting their I had the moral dilemma... do I continue to listen to the boss man droll on about GP1, looking at the hair he had growing from his nose and wondering if at the age of 68 he still gave it to his missus up the "wrong un". Or do I join my well adjusted colleges in the titty titty bar.... ? For the record i must add bean flicking is not my bag, give me a big hetro tiger of a man any day but the minge won, call it curiosity?

    I felt a little apprehensive as I entered the titty titty bar, my last venture into one only lasted 15 minutes. We ended up getting escorted out as one lad couldn't resist jamming the top of his bottle up the hoop of the girl gyrating infront of him. So I guess at that point I could have described myself as a "Lap Dancing Virgin"

    I grabbed a drink & joined my colleges ringside (fnar fnar)... as i watched the lass swinging like a chimp round the pole, i couldnt help noticing the lighting display in the ceiling had 3 bulbs missing.

    As the evening went on i thought "in for a penny in for a pound" and joined one of the lads for a private dance, in fits of giggles i sat there as she made me part my legs. I looked up at my college as she wiggled her norks in my face, he looked as though all his Christmas's had come at once especially has she bent over & slid her knickers off... however he didnt seem so impressed when i piped up "cor pet was it shredded wheat for breakfast, I think I got a glimpse there" !!

    Do other Arrsers have any memorable "first times"
  2. cpunk

    cpunk LE Moderator

    Brings to mind my first venture onto the Reeperbahn in Hamburg. My tourist guide for the night,an SNCO who must remain nameless, 'knew a little place' where the birds were fabulous and the action so erotic your 'nads would detonate like fire extinguishers in the pit lane at Silverstone.


    After handing over 15DM for a small glass of beer, we took our places in the hushed auditorium (hushed because there was hardly anyone else there) and watched a series of pole dances from women who were old enough to be my mother, a post-op transexual doing painful looking things with a vibrator - which he/she interrupted occasionally in order to fart raucously - and, as the grand finale, a black guy with an unconvincing 'Jackson 5' wig and a schlong like a hosepipe shagging a scrawny, spotty white chick. Wow. Fab. Actually, the kebab I ate a bit later on was more pert and attractive than any of the blart on offer.

    Mon Cherie's on the Stuttgarter Platz in Berlin was much better...
  3. Call me old fashoined but the thought of a spotty munter in built up shoes showing me her breakfast does nothing for me.

    They are generally ugly and lacking personality with crap norks and bad breath....... There are far prettier hornier birds out on the town, getting them to show you thier breakfast without having to pay them is a far greater skill.

    I prefer the 'intimidate the wh0re' method were you tell them they are crap and dance like Joey Deacon whilst telling them you have seen prettier snatches stapled on the back of a camel, then lick your finger, slide it in thier back box and await removal by the gorilla's :D
  4. The Golden Gate in Frankfurt, near the Hauptbahnhof. My boss' favourite haunt, we'd end up there once a month when he took us out for drinks. Nothing special on offer, in fact my pal Carmen (a contortionist) did far better pole dancing during the intermission than the main acts. We weren't paying for entrance or for the drinks though, so no moaning went on, other than the faux ecstasy of the dancing girls! :D :lol:
  5. During my student days I was fortunate enough to live round the corner from For Your Eyes Only.
    Grate lap dancing chain, quality girls, beer a little on the expensive side.
    On a Tuesday they used to have student night where if you showed you NUS card you could get in for a £1 before 11pm and all private dances were £5 before 11pm.
    Strip clubs couldn’t get any better, or so I thought.
    Last year I stayed with my friend in Edinbrough.
    I can’t remember the name of the pub we went to, but it doubled at a strip club. The beer was cheap (brilliant), the entrance fee was cheap (brilliant) and the girls age ranged from 18 (brilliant) to about 40 (I’m not to fond of milf).
    One of the more mature dancers had a trick she was quite found of.
    After removing her string-like pants, she would thrust her fist deep inside her lamb chops and pull out a fist full of cheese and juice.
    Very funny to see her flick it at the nearest bod while I stood well away.
  6. was it in the town center?
  7. If the smell of disinfectant was overpowering: The Western Bar.

    -Or so I've heard said.
  8. No, but it wasn’t far from the centre.
    That doesn’t really help though does it :)
  9. Burke and Hare?
  10. Now that is arousing...... my pods just tightened and my helmet swelled :D

    Like every squaddie I've been to a couple of live sex shows and peep shows in Hamburg / hannover / Amsterdam etc

    The most entertained I've ever been in a place like that was when my mucker whom Sam_Fisher knows well failed to get it up when two stunners were taking it in turns to chomp on his musket......

    When they removed thier heads and started to snog each other around some other lucky fcukers hampton all you could see was his shrivelled todger looking like it had been exposed to a blizzard before trying to climb back inside himself....... He's been mocked about his feeble c0ck to this day.

    Thanks for that gripping interlude :D
  11. Honestly don’t remember the name, it was a year ago and it’s not my town.
    I’ll ask my friend if he remembers the name.
  12. I tried this too, when she was giving us her run through of what we'd get for our £15 (each!), i enquired how much for a kidney punch & simultanious fingering of the rivet... her minder said "you are not allowed to touch the girls"

    I said "i wasnt up for giving but receiving" :lol:

    I dont think she found it funny anyway i soon forgot as she started wiggling her jublies, i couldnt stop looking at the beef burgers she had signed out for nipples. :lol:
  13. I refer you all to the Queen Anne in Vauxhall, a well kept secret and bona fide cultural gem. A mere stone's throw from Parliament you will find a small council estate and a scrubby patch of grass on which stands this fine establishment.

    Inside very bored Latvian students/ local single mums/ raddled old slappers strip for a pound-a-go on a badly carpeted piece of MDF "catwalk" whilst the staff patrol the gents to make sure nobody is spuffing all over the walls.


    Beer is however stunningly cheap for what is, after all, Central London.

    During one of my (frequent) visits there were a load of City Boys there with one of their female colleagues who was a very attractive lady in a short-skirted power suit and a "Why-Miss-Jones-You're-Beautiful" hair and glasses combo. She was watching the girls and clearly (very clearly) finding them a bit of a turn-on.

    As you can imagine, all the blokes were watching her and not the strippers. I left her a quid on the way out, which got a laugh.

    I commend this establishment highly to fellow ARRSERs.

  14. I had to go in here once on the way to the station - it was preferable to walking across Spring Gardens without a minder. Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. one of my colleagues put £20 in the tin and tried to tell me the girls were working their way though university
  15. 'Browns' at Shoreditch is a good one. But beware of fights, the bouncers tend to break them up using swords.