Landover Baptist Church (humour)

[crabtastic]

Wah.

I'll see your WAH and raise you one

My Wah is in concurrence with yours. I've been looking at the site for a few years now. It's part of the chickenhead.com network, along with www.whitehouse.org and www.bettybowers.com.

 

[Suited_And_Booted]

Looks like your spaghetti monster avatar blew your cover. I was half tempted to log on as a Baptist Landrover enthusiast but lost interest. I think we're wasted on these canutes. Let them stew in their Godliness.

Threads: 10,639, Posts: 185,752, Members: 4,696, Active Members: 734
Welcome to our newest member, Buck Felize

Getting Interested buck?

 

[BuckFelize]

Oh yeah baby! Watch & shoot.

 

[Suited_And_Booted]

Oh yeah baby! Watch & shoot.

I might try and join, cause some fun/trouble

 

[Suited_And_Booted]

I'm in!

 

[BuckFelize]

It's taking its time registering me proper, so I suspect I'm not the only one trying to seek salvation.

 

[Suited_And_Booted]

Mine was almost instant, Hopefully there is an ARRSE invasion going on

 

[MSI64]

Im in WOOHOO Salvation is mine

 

[spack_bandit]

Looks like a pisstake. If you want proper crazies go to true christians unite:

No mercy for the disabled:
http://truechristiansunite.yuku.com/topic/1656

While an amusing anecdote, it also teaches an important lesson. There WAS something wrong with this minister, and the way he conducted his church! While I was sitting in that church, I noticed up front there was a lady flashing what looked like gang symbols to the front few rows, with each person in turn flashing back symbols as if they were some sort of demented air traffic controller! It was very distracting to those of us wishing to sincerely praise the Lord. My host next to me explained their church offered service for the "hearing impaired" as if it were something to brag about. I was unimpressed.

Next, and most shocking, towards the end of the service when the minister offered communion to the servers, I noticed one of them was a little off-kilter... to say the least. Shorter than the rest of them, with sloped shoulders and a bowl haircut which barely was able to contain the large cowlick in the back of his head, he wore unfitted clothing which went out of style over a decade ago. Worse still, a large, silly grin beamed on his face from ear to ear below his upturned nose and his out of place eyes on his tiny little head.

It was clear this boy was a retard.

Well, I had just had it! Even if I had not already been planning on refusing to take bread and wine from this apostate church, I certainly would have avoided it upon seeing this drooling fool! Was this minister wrong???? Goodness! He could only get MORE wrong by inviting a busload of rapists and drug pushers from the local prison into his church!

I stood up from my seat, addressing the minister so that all his congregation could hear his iniquities, and rebuked the SNOT out of him, so that all that was left of him was a stuttering schoolboy (and I do believe that young retard wet his pants) when I exposed this mockery for what it was!

Or maybe this:

http://truechristiansunite.yuku.com/topic/1632

Godly True Christian males,

I, as befitting the topic at hand, will keep this short and sweet.

I note that our esteemed Brother D. Thomas has inferred that his procreative acts take five minutes. Whilst the brevity of this is entirely commendable I must point out that experiments conducted by myself prove that it can be fully consummated within thirty five seconds. It is our duty, to ourselves and our wives, to ensure that this act does not lead to the Sin of Lust, and we are therefore obliged to earnestly work toward as brief a coupling as possible in order to keep Satan's window of opportunity smaller than Luanne's chances of entering Heaven. My record thus far is a mere 26.5 seconds, although normality stands at 32.0. Procreation should be performed with a Bible in the right hand and a stopclock in the left and I urge you all to work toward minimizing the Spiritual risks inherent in this most shameful of acts through the following of my efforts.

Furthermore, when the male performes his matrimonial duty with alacrity and a minimum of energy he is able to fully recover within a relatively short period of time, thus readying himself for further endeavours on the procreational front. The female has, therefore, a far greater chance of expelling baby True Christians to advance our cause than the LIEberal couples who misguidedly subscribe to the lengthier version. The LIEberal notion of "foreplay" for example, has been known to last almost ten minutes (according to sources), during which a young and fit True Christian male can perform approximately three times, tripling the chance of impregnation. If you add to that the five minutes of grunting and sweating that constitutes the act itself within normal LIEberal families then the TC couple have quadrupled their overall opportunities to expand the Cause.

If all Christians were to undertake my methods then within thirty years the pool of eligible Christian voters will have expanded to a point where LIEberal opinion matters nought and God's Laws can be implemented in full without fear of opposition.

 

[buggrit]

Feckin DII!! Cant get on these at work

 

[Suited_And_Booted]

I feel like causing some trouble! think i'm gonna post some redicolous shoite on there!

 

[crabtastic]

I can't say it any clearer than this, chaps- Landover Baptist is a parody, a wind-up. It is fake, spurious, not real.

 

[DavidBOC]

Crabtastic is entirely right (for once). The Landover website is a parody. Amazingly, it is not as over the top as the real deal, the website of the Westboro Baptist Church and the Rev. Phelps. See here: Westboro Baptist

I will say that Rev Phelps does not discriminate. In addition to hating homosexuals he also hates Moslems, Jews, Catholics and most Protestants. He is planning pickets at meetings of the Southern Baptist Convention. Take a look at his website, totally barking mad.

It is my understanding that they had plans to picket the funeral in my area of a SSgt killed in Iraq. As it happens she was gay. It is also my understanding that a local motorcycle club planned to counter the protest. The MC club us composed entirely of veterans of USMC, Navy Seals and Navy corpmen who served with USMC units. As it happens all was cancelled as the young woman was Irish born and the family decided to bury her in Ireland where her parents and most of her family still live.

 

[AndyWade]

Crazy stuff, but I liked this smiley. Arrse should nick it:

 

[fusil89]

So to clarify it is a wind up?
If so why are they banning those who a questioning them?
And it does state that its not a wind up on the opening thread.
I'm very confused.

If these people exist then I am scared.