Lads holidays!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by target_stop, Apr 20, 2011.

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  1. Looking at another thread i think their could be some cracking stories here.

    So whats been your best lads holiday?

    Mine was Cancun where i practically managed to fist a fat American girl on the dance floor of Senoir Frogs.
     
  2. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Elevenarife. Pints of vodka/redbull for a Euro. I ended up passing out in a bar. My equally drunk oppo dragged me half a mile up Los Cristianos hill to our shitty time-share villa that we had rented for fuck all. Being a good lad he left me on the doorstep to sort my self out. Unfortunately the security guard thought I was dead and called an Ambulance. I awoke in hospital with a drip in my hand covered in vomit, blood and piss.

    A few nights earlier I had watched a program about tourists catching the AIDS from unclean needles in foreign hospitals. In my still hammered state, I decided the best preventative measure for this was to rip the drip from my hand spraying blood all over the hospital wall. I found a tap, grabbed a few gulps of water, which I promptly vommed up again.

    I spent the next 10 minutes wondering around an empty hospital looking for my stuff and found a night warden sat at the front desk. He had my wallet and phone and informed me that I owed the hospital 500 Euros. Noticing that Diego lacked physical stature and clearly wasn't packing any heat, I decided to lean over the desk, grab my stuff and do a runner. He didn't chase after me.

    I went for a swim in the sea to wash the worst of the blood/piss/vomit off, had a massive fry up and went straight back on the piss.

    The hospital sent me a letter a few weeks later demanding payment, presumably they got the address from my driving licence. Like all problems in life, I simply ignored it. I'm probably banned from the Canary Islands as a result.

    No fat Northern women where harmed in the making of this story.
     
  3. Where to start?

    Benidorm was best for depravity with scutters. As I said in the other thread, I throat fucked a bird till she threw up and I finished myself off over her back as she was bent double hacking away. On the same holiday me and my mate took turns on a beautiful geordie bird. We locked ourselves away for 24 hours and went mental with a bag of Chang and a fistfull of tabs.

    Sunny Beach in Bulgaria was my first lads holiday, I was 17 and my brother let me tag along much to the disgust of a couple if his mates. It turned out that these two lads were a right pair of boring Marys and wouldn't get wasted in the day and even stayed in on a couple of nights. I met a 30 yr old bird from Leeds who fucking abused me and was the first bird to swallow my muck. Bless you chantelle.

    There was an old Russian helicopter that gave trips up and down the coast (it still had a weapon mounts) We pitched in a few Lev each and ten minutes later the pilot was what seemed like 10 feet off the water and singing Ride of the Valkyrie badly into his headset. Tonys bar in Nesibar was quality, a drawback to the 80's, all pink neon and shite rock anthems. Cheap beer, dirty local birds and Russian gangsters buying us drinks in return for teaching them to breakdance.

    Several fat northern women were broken in the making of this story.
     
  4. Gosh, some of you really are legends in your own minds, aren't you. Most of the squaddies I saw on the piss got so blotto they couldn't get a hard on to save their lives. The stories, though, lived on with "how I screwed three one after the other" and "being a roughty toughty macho Brit I got a blowjob from a Yank blonde in front of all my mates" even though they were usually passed out on some floor or the street outside. My, how these dreams take on the illusion of reality.
     
  5. Thr Phillapines, 2 days after Marcos and Aquino descided to kick off. Dopey slut I had on the first night gave me a soapy hand job in the shower, then went down on me. There was only ever goung to be one result, projectile vomiting! Give her, her due though. Washed the vomit off and jumped on me. Her face against the shower wall as my feet slipped was a picture.
     
  6. Well I don't know why you're upset sweetheart, if you don't like it don't read it.

    For the record the majority of the women I nailed on lads holidays were horrid apart from a couple. Hardly bigtiming or bullshitting to admit you fucked some 'orrible munters is it?

    But hey, don't let that get in the way of your having a moan eh?
     
  7. Since I've been poor since I last went on holiday (which was with my ex) I haven't been anywhere.

    I'm to Tenerife in June with a few mates, thought I'd get in some sun before I cart off to Pirbright. I shall be sure to report in here with anything tasty.
     
  8. Someone didn't get away to Lloret De Mar on an 18-30's holiday, did they?
     
  9. Last year went to Ibiza and we started some kind of endurance run , within an hour of touching down we were necking back the drinks and it started from there. A situation of on the lash from 6-7pm till 4- 5 -6am in the moring dusting up at ten for a fry up and more booze and starting over again. we were altenating between a club one night and what became our local the next. Was getting quite cozy with some Belgian girls when my oppos ( both twins) decided to administer each other a shoeing so we got kicked out, which was a pity as the drinks were insane and dirt cheap.

    Had an incident in one club where the security thought we were dealing drugs. Took everything out of our pockets and said search us but they were insisting on calling the police. Not fancying being leathered whist leathered in a Spanish cell for the night I came over very British and said if he called the police I would be informing the British consulate( Doubt they would have sent a gunboat but it worked.)

    Ended up at the hotel of a bunch of welsh girls one of my oppos was giving her the fingerfuck whist his twin was passed out. All in all it was good but more deviancy needed.

    Some Welsh girls may have been traumatized during the making of this.
     
  10. Did you not enjoy your Haven caravan holiday from the 99p sun holiday deals?
     
  11. No,but after 30 years in I heard all the bullshit, all the crap and the "romance" stories. From Cyprus to Belize and all points in between. It usually ended up with the "I got this whore to f*** me all night and I was so good she didn't ask for any money" without mentioning they'd had their wallet nicked. I'm as guilty as others with coming out with these "stories" in my youth but 99% of them are just that, stories. Still, makes for good reading even though I have a huge jar of Saxa next to me. "Lads" holidays are normally about getting rat arsed, creating huge embarrassments and involve lots of puking and next day apologising. Sadly, some of the bullshitters end up actually believing they did all these things.

    And it's good for steven seagull to admit "For the record the majority of the women I nailed on lads holidays were horrid apart from a couple. Hardly bigtiming or bullshitting to admit you fucked some 'orrible munters is it?"

    The stories normally involve Playboy centrefold lookalikes. Or Miss Arizona at the very least (TBH those I did dally with are ones I'd be a bit ashamed to be seen with in public the next day but, like all squaddies, the dick grew from the forehead after a few bevvies.
     
  12. I'm shiiiite on boys trips. Like a fucking racehorse for the first 48 hours then I dissolve into Wendy Land with a longing for home. My nickname for an agonisingly long time was 'hologram' as if by magic, when I turned right or left I disappeared.

    I went travelling with a mate for 3 months when I first got out and zonked in $10 a night hostels up and down Florida and finally in Key West, (a fucking hoofing trip, I would seriously recommend that anyone getting out should do so after a tour and piss off to the states for a few months of tomfoolery) the hostels were usually full of frat boys and wierdo lone travellers. The people you meet in those digs are usually mega, especially the Kiwi bird with teeth like mahogany dowels who was about the rudest woman Ive ever had the pleasure of drinking piss from.

    My oppo banged out a month in and I did fuck all but eat monster subs, get absolutely shiters nightly with other traveller types and got arrested for climbing to the top of a crane and standing on the tip of its arm like fucking Red Adair.

    Also met the obligatory 'ex squaddie', swarthy looking supposedly ex para who drew a complete blank when I asked him if he'd ever jumped squares, (a genuine question as I havent and he said he was looking for a place to get some jumps in as he was a billy big time free faller). Silly fucker was last seen playing pool on his own before he shipped out next day.
     
  13. Fair one. Lot more fun to be had now in shit hole resorts though than there were 30 years ago in the same 3 fleapits that you lot could have exercised on.

    But your quote is quite right, I bowed out in style after Benidorm by spewing straight onto the deck of the aeroplane as it lifted off and then watching horrified as it ran back through my open toed sandals and straight around 2 canvass bags that 2 fat horrors suddenly produced screaming at me to stump up for new ones. I spewed orange bile every 15 minutes until I got back to my oppos in Bournemouth, swallowed 4 valium and a double scotch and slept until 5 the next day :)
     
  14. One of the best nights I ever had was in Ayia Napa just prior to the RGJ shovel olympics.

    It involved myself and another 3 lads watching a Green Jacket get into an altercation outside of Black & Whites Discoteque and Winery. The chap was giving it large to a Cypriot male who in turn shouted for back up from the club bouncers.

    The bouncers were a tadge on the bulky side and without any pre amble or introductions they waded into their victim with some massive haymakers. Cue one gobby squaddie on his back, fairly dazed with his legs all akimbo. The disgruntled Cypriot took this as an invitation to toe poke the Jacket's spuds (see what I did there!) into his chest cavity.

    I applauded loudly before giving the bouncers and their friend a 9.7 out of 10 for panache and style.

    Sadly my evening did not end with me dishing out some lady loving but I did allow two male RAF techs to peform fellatio on my mates whilst I pumped my tool into a pistol grip.
     
  15. I hear having a few beers with the bro's in the hood and then slope off to score some blow in Sarasota is a real blast.
     
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