Ladies that like tennis and vegetables

#1
I have always wondered if the joke about lesbo women using a cucumber for a fun time are true,having never seen any porn depicting this I was sometimes unsure. I would always wonder if the ladies buying them at the supermarket were going to eat them or use them. I always thought this could be true, but tonight I just had my suspicions confirmed.

The girl in front of me at the check out works in the same office as me. We have chatted a couple of times but we don't really know each other. However, she felt obliged to to talk to me, even though her friend was there.

After the obligatory "Hello" and "How are you?" she waved her arm across her shopping and said, "As you can tell from the wine and chocolates, we have everything for great night in". I then noticed the 10 inch long, thick cucumber. :D and her and the friend giggling. Both of them clearly enjoy tennis.

So, these dirty so and sos are gonna eat chocolate, drink champagne and then ride the vegetable. To be honest, I rally wanted to ask if I could watch. :p

So, fellow Arrses, have any of you seen this act performed before. Is it worth watching? Is there any other veg better than a cucumber to try this with, such as a large pickle or carrot? Just so I know what to ask for at the grot store tomorrow! :) Any suggestions gratefully received
 
#2
acidedge said:
I have always wondered if the joke about lesbo women using a cucumber for a fun time are true,having never seen any porn depicting this I was sometimes unsure. I would always wonder if the ladies buying them at the supermarket were going to eat them or use them. I always thought this could be true, but tonight I just had my suspicions confirmed.

The girl in front of me at the check out works in the same office as me. We have chatted a couple of times but we don't really know each other. However, she felt obliged to to talk to me, even though her friend was there.

After the obligatory "Hello" and "How are you?" she waved her arm across her shopping and said, "As you can tell from the wine and chocolates, we have everything for great night in". I then noticed the 10 inch long, thick cucumber. :D and her and the friend giggling. Both of them clearly enjoy tennis.

So, these dirty so and sos are gonna eat chocolate, drink champagne and then ride the vegetable. To be honest, I rally wanted to ask if I could watch. :p

So, fellow Arrses, have any of you seen this act performed before. Is it worth watching? Is there any other veg better than a cucumber to try this with, such as a large pickle or carrot? Just so I know what to ask for at the grot store tomorrow! :) Any suggestions gratefully received
Yes many times, but, as a tip, if the woman says, "and now for the marrow" thats your cue to leave, as I can assure you, it isnt worth trying after a bint has taken one of them babies.

Oh, and while we are on that thought, dont try to shag a bint who has literally just given birth either, its messy, and the grip leaves a lot to be desired too.
 
#3
Women just like to pretend they do to give men an inferiority complex and make them wonder what they may be up to with large vegetables. Top marks to your work collegue for getting another women involved too, not only did you think about it, you even started a thread about it.

And p.s. courgettes :wink:

And just because I think this is funny:

What does Manchester United and a prostitute have in common?
They have both made a shitload of money by selling their cnut.
 
#6
[quote="Gren"

Yes many times, but, as a tip, if the woman says, "and now for the marrow" thats your cue to leave...,[/quote]

Yup. The cue to leave. The marrow is for you.......
 
#7
auscam said:
try a pumpkin
full of gerbils
burning ones

hope this helps
(My bold) It doesn't, but thanks for having a go.

I bet they would love to get there hands on this .



They swollocks would stop it disappearing too far up :twisted:
 
#8
acidedge said:
auscam said:
try a pumpkin
full of gerbils
burning ones

hope this helps
(My bold) It doesn't, but thanks for having a go.

I bet they would love to get there hands on this .

Ooh so would I, have you got a spare one (but bigger?) :wink:



They swollocks would stop it disappearing too far up :twisted:
That's half the fun!
 
#9
Yeah I suppose it does look like a coc k ............. only much smaller!!!
 
#10
acidedge said:
So, fellow Arrses, have any of you seen this act performed before. Is it worth watching? Is there any other veg better than a cucumber to try this with, such as a large pickle or carrot? Just so I know what to ask for at the grot store tomorrow! :) Any suggestions gratefully received
Oh yes!

And fun it was, especially being chased around the house to cries of "You stupid cnut! You're not supposed to use it straight from the fridge!"

:twisted:


Wonder how long I'm going to keep my teeth, now that I'm bound to say to every single bloke I see down at Fruit & Veg "Night in tonight then, mate".
 
#11
acidedge said:
I have always wondered if the joke about lesbo women using a cucumber for a fun time are true,having never seen any porn depicting this I was sometimes unsure. I would always wonder if the ladies buying them at the supermarket were going to eat them or use them. I always thought this could be true, but tonight I just had my suspicions confirmed.
Ahhh, so innocent. :twisted:

SlimeyToad said:
And fun it was, especially being chased around the house to cries of "You stupid cnut! You're not supposed to use it straight from the fridge!"
Never had this problem... the cold bit gives abit of thrill so I am told.
 
#12
chocolate_frog said:
SlimeyToad said:
And fun it was, especially being chased around the house to cries of "You stupid cnut! You're not supposed to use it straight from the fridge!"
Never had this problem... the cold bit gives abit of thrill so I am told.
Oh, don't tease, do tell more!!! :wink:
 
#13


Take your pick!!!
 
#14
SlimeyToad said:


Take your pick!!!
I'll take the white knobley one please.....

Seriously, what is it?

Not sure I can tell you about the cold bit it is a family forum after all....

Basically, get 'em all wet and warm, then find an excuse to go to teh bog. Stick you kn0b under the cold tap for a bit then, as quickly as possible, bang it back in.

Good excuse for washing your willy, would be a. after using some sort of lubricant (ie teh mint or warming ones) on the grounds it putting you off. or b. after some "bum love", where you being concientious and cleaning up before further procedings.

No complaints thus far.
 
#16
We once had a w/o come in the MRS where I was on duty and ask for the nurse. She was in the treatment room for quite a while then left. I went into the treatment room to find the nurse nearly wetting herself and with tears of laughter streaming down her cheeks. It would appear that the woman's husband was away and she'd turned to a cucumber for a bit of comfort. For some reason she had peeled it first so it had gone all soggy and a large chunk had broken off inside. Instead of letting peristalsis and gravity do their work she had panicked and come to the MRS where the nurse had removed it with as straight a face as she could manage.
 
#17
chocolate_frog said:
SlimeyToad said:


Take your pick!!!
I'll take the white knobley one please.....

Seriously, what is it?

You've got me worried now, isn't my knob supposed to look like that?

Not sure I can tell you about the cold bit it is a family forum after all....

And a pretty 'dysfunctional' one at that, CF?

Basically, get 'em all wet and warm, then find an excuse to go to teh bog. Stick you kn0b under the cold tap for a bit then, as quickly as possible, bang it back in.

I'm going to hold you to that one!! Sitrep tomorrow morning!
 
#18
I've just been having a look around on google and found this Dirty Gardener [Not Work Safe]

The dirty, dirty girl. I hope she cleaned it before knocking up some sandwiches with it :twisted:

edit: check out the site emo slut where the pic is from. Keep reloading the page to get the different videos playing in the corner, funny as fcuk!
 
#20
Butternut squash anyone? :D
 

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