Ladies that like tennis and vegetables

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by acidedge, Jun 12, 2009.

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  1. I have always wondered if the joke about lesbo women using a cucumber for a fun time are true,having never seen any porn depicting this I was sometimes unsure. I would always wonder if the ladies buying them at the supermarket were going to eat them or use them. I always thought this could be true, but tonight I just had my suspicions confirmed.

    The girl in front of me at the check out works in the same office as me. We have chatted a couple of times but we don't really know each other. However, she felt obliged to to talk to me, even though her friend was there.

    After the obligatory "Hello" and "How are you?" she waved her arm across her shopping and said, "As you can tell from the wine and chocolates, we have everything for great night in". I then noticed the 10 inch long, thick cucumber. :D and her and the friend giggling. Both of them clearly enjoy tennis.

    So, these dirty so and sos are gonna eat chocolate, drink champagne and then ride the vegetable. To be honest, I rally wanted to ask if I could watch. :p

    So, fellow Arrses, have any of you seen this act performed before. Is it worth watching? Is there any other veg better than a cucumber to try this with, such as a large pickle or carrot? Just so I know what to ask for at the grot store tomorrow! :) Any suggestions gratefully received
  2. Yes many times, but, as a tip, if the woman says, "and now for the marrow" thats your cue to leave, as I can assure you, it isnt worth trying after a bint has taken one of them babies.

    Oh, and while we are on that thought, dont try to shag a bint who has literally just given birth either, its messy, and the grip leaves a lot to be desired too.
  3. Women just like to pretend they do to give men an inferiority complex and make them wonder what they may be up to with large vegetables. Top marks to your work collegue for getting another women involved too, not only did you think about it, you even started a thread about it.

    And p.s. courgettes :wink:

    And just because I think this is funny:

    What does Manchester United and a prostitute have in common?
    They have both made a shitload of money by selling their cnut.
  4. Best to keep artery forceps to hand just in case you lose your grip on it though :oops:
  5. try a pumpkin
    full of gerbils
    burning ones

    hope this helps
  6. [quote="Gren"

    Yes many times, but, as a tip, if the woman says, "and now for the marrow" thats your cue to leave...,[/quote]

    Yup. The cue to leave. The marrow is for you.......
  7. (My bold) It doesn't, but thanks for having a go.

    I bet they would love to get there hands on this .


    They swollocks would stop it disappearing too far up :twisted:
  8. That's half the fun!
  9. Yeah I suppose it does look like a coc k ............. only much smaller!!!
  10. Oh yes!

    And fun it was, especially being chased around the house to cries of "You stupid cnut! You're not supposed to use it straight from the fridge!"


    Wonder how long I'm going to keep my teeth, now that I'm bound to say to every single bloke I see down at Fruit & Veg "Night in tonight then, mate".
  11. Ahhh, so innocent. :twisted:

    Never had this problem... the cold bit gives abit of thrill so I am told.
  12. Oh, don't tease, do tell more!!! :wink:
  13. [​IMG]

    Take your pick!!!
  14. I'll take the white knobley one please.....

    Seriously, what is it?

    Not sure I can tell you about the cold bit it is a family forum after all....

    Basically, get 'em all wet and warm, then find an excuse to go to teh bog. Stick you kn0b under the cold tap for a bit then, as quickly as possible, bang it back in.

    Good excuse for washing your willy, would be a. after using some sort of lubricant (ie teh mint or warming ones) on the grounds it putting you off. or b. after some "bum love", where you being concientious and cleaning up before further procedings.

    No complaints thus far.
  15. Do you mean girls put things,other than those that God intended,in their front bottoms?