Kylie death watch

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bernoulli, Feb 16, 2007.

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  1. A mate of mine has it on impeccable authority – i.e. he read it on the Web somewhere- that Kylie Minogue has only weeks to live.
    In light of this, I feel moved to compose a little poem in honour of her imminent memory, if that makes any sense.

    Kylie, Kylie, so sweet and smiley,
    Soon you will be on a slab dead-bird stylee,
    Around the morgue bins will lurk I like an abattoir dog,
    In the hope of body parts to hog,
    Or lest your corpse be still warm with blood,
    Violate at will with my vaselined pud,
    Oh Kylie, Kylie, rictus and smiley,
    Makes me feel so damned necrophiley,
  2. after having her tit lopped off she missed a right money spinner by not flogging it on ebay. i would have coughed up anything up to a tenner to have her love pillow laminated and packed in my webbing for moral perposes.
  3. chimera

    chimera LE Moderator

    I wonder how long this one lasts before heading for the ARRSE Hole!
  4. Fugly

    Fugly LE DirtyBAT

    Does her song "I'm Spinning Around" refer to the fact she's now lopsided?
  5. Why would it be off to the arrsehole, ideal for the NAAFI..

    The only downside of Kylie's death would be all her shite songs would go to number one.. Wonder if she'll get her cnut out on tele before it goes yellow and falls off.
  6. For Kylie to die would be tragic,
    But Bernoulli's idea is magic,
    We'd go on a hunt,
    And retrieve her dead cnut,
    'Though it might ooze a bit when we sh@g it.

    There's n'owt wrong with necrophilia,
    It's just that the bird, she can't feel 'ya,
    Take Minogue for example,
    When she dies, there'll be ample,
    Opportunity for a ride, yelling 'yee ha!'.
  7. Maybe she could re-release it under the name of "Can't get you out of my breast"
  8. And i never got a chance to see her chebs, oooops - cheb :threaten:
  9. Fugly

    Fugly LE DirtyBAT

    Maybe the spare is on her mantlepiece. I have a mate who does some quality mounting work, maybe i'll pass his number on
  10. So she's fcuked her Frog boyfriend off she she can get plenty of guilt free last minute shagging done.

    Phone number?
  11. The other one has been dried and is now an olive bowl........ so a guy down the pub told me.
  12. Your mate is misinformed. Kylie apparently only had a lumpectomy - removal of a small tumour rather than the whole boob.

    She's young, she's had world class treatment, the tumour was small, it was caught early and as far as I know it hasn't spread.

    She'll quite likely be doing lingerie ads for some time to come so you'll have to find another stiff to satisfy your depraved cravings.

    A tip from personal experience though. Formaldehyde tastes vile so get your bodies fresh if you're planning on some tongue action.
  13. I beg to differ: according to popbitch it has come back with a vengeance, and the rat-faced Aussie warbler is on short finals for the grave. That is why cunty-bollocks ditched her, because unlike me he doesn't have a taste for chicks that have gone green.