Knitting and your favourite hymn

#1
Given the sudden outbreak of PC on arrse, which all us serving or former soldiers readily embrace, has anyone got any knitting patterns for a summer tanktop for the Good CO (I am sure it is his birthday soon but hope he does not read this or my surprise gift is ruined) and what is your favourite hymn?

A bit staid I know but “Jerusalem” is mine if we are still allowed to have pride in old patriotic hymns? If not “Onward Non-Selective Religion Freedom Fighters” is the one.
 
#2
Hymns is both racist and secularist. Better stick to knitting. I am knitting myself a hair shirt out of Muslim hair (you can buy it on the internet) and will wear it whilst praying to Buddha and Shiva as well as Yahweh and anyone other deity I come across - what's the name of the monkey god in SE Asia? Better not piss him/ her / it off!
 
#3

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#4
How about that I would rather ram red hot knitting needles up my japseye than listen to third hird et al and whilst making jumpers.....
 
#5
What a splendid idea old boy. Our squad prefers crochetting - we learnt that from the rather charming Scaley gentlemen - and we are currently making doilies for the Mess so that we can put our Pint Sherry glasses down without staining the beautiful fake wood finish. We're also planning to crochet covers for the spare, ahem (whisper) toilet rolls in the ablutions. Patterns are available from Kitty Fisher, Luxury Nottingham Lace. Made in England.

As for Hymns we usually hum "Shine Jesus Shine" on the ranges, "There Is A Redeemer" when getting a round in and entertain our guests in the Mess as they tuck into cheese toasties and Red Stripe with a medley of old favourites such as "There Is A Green Hill Far Away" and "Abide With Me" in an infantry stylie mix.
 

skid2

LE
Book Reviewer
#6
Known as either 'Be thou my vision or St Patricks Breastplate'
I can't knit
And if anyone mentions Abide with me or the Titanic there may well be tears
 
#7
Given the sudden outbreak of PC on arrse, which all us serving or former soldiers readily embrace, has anyone got any knitting patterns for a summer tanktop for the Good CO (I am sure it is his birthday soon but hope he does not read this or my surprise gift is ruined) and what is your favourite hymn?

A bit staid I know but “Jerusalem” is mine if we are still allowed to have pride in old patriotic hymns? If not “Onward Non-Selective Religion Freedom Fighters” is the one.
Thieving bastard ;-)
 
#8
He who would valiant be.

He who would valiant be ’gainst all disaster,
Let him in constancy follow the Master.
There’s no discouragement shall make him once relent
His first avowed intent to be a pilgrim.

Who so beset him round with dismal stories
Do but themselves confound - his strength the more is.
No foes shall stay his might; though he with giants fight,
He will make good his right to be a pilgrim.

Since, Lord, Thou dost defend us with Thy Spirit,
We know we at the end, shall life inherit.
Then fancies flee away! I’ll fear not what men say,
I’ll labor night and day to be a pilgrim.

82730Heavenly_Angels_Ambient_version.png

I'm going to heaven me. Although my non-knitting status probably means I won't get a seat anywhere near a mumsnet user. Which is nice.
 
#9
I used to know one that ended; "There'll be no fighting there, in my father's house"

Liberal peace lovin' hippy beanfreak.
 
#12
How about knitting a jumper out of Moldovian ferrent Anus hair..... With the pattern saying I suck dead dogs dicks because live ones wouldnt let me.....
 
#14
Are we allowed to mention "dicks" or even "dead" in the new PC Arrse? Should it not be "genitalia of the male variety" and "in a physical state the opposite to living"?
 
#16
Good point, what about individuals who have hair the colour that's made up of mixing yellow and red?
Ah you mean people who have the odour of Vulpes vulpes urine and a well known flavoured crispbread dough snack
 
#19
Better take yourself off here before you are banned. Thee have just metaphorically picked up the mess Webley.
 
#20
has anyone got any knitting patterns for a summer tanktop
Can you say 'tanktop'? Sounds a bit big and threatening to me. Why not stick to altarboys - sorry, I meant cardigans?
 
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