Knife crime - my solution

#1
The news is full of stories regarding the rise of knife related crimes in the UK - stabbings, slashings, muggings etc. Gun crime is also rocketing.

My solution - legalise swords. Everyone has the opportunity to be ‘tooled up’.

* No more concealed weapons. It’s difficult to hide a 6ft claymore in your pocket
* You can’t subtlety stab someone with a sword
* No more stabbings on trains/tube (unless they had a gladius)
* All those little tw@ts with baggy trousers hanging down, flashing their TK Maxx pants, would have to pull them up - or the weight of the sword would pull them down.
* No more fights in pubs - to get a decent swing you’d need to step outside
* It’d be a great spectator sport



Ok, I’m bored. I was watching Highlander again
 
#2
And the Police could also be armed with Longbows and would be able to skewer any armed hoody on sight...

Lets go hunt some Orc!
 
#3
Now that you mention it, I rather fancy the idea of the coppers armed with crossbows. And big stick with nails through them
 
#4
A couple of Warhammers for dealing with domestic disputes would also be appropriate equipment for your new model copper.
 
#5
No one would try and chin Frank Lampard if footballers were all tooled up with broadswords and chain mail! It could be good for the game, but bad for referees!
 
#6
Glesga_short_bloke said:
The news is full of stories regarding the rise of knife related crimes in the UK - stabbings, slashings, muggings etc. Gun crime is also rocketing.

My solution - legalise swords. Everyone has the opportunity to be ‘tooled up’.

* No more concealed weapons. It’s difficult to hide a 6ft claymore in your pocket
* You can’t subtlety stab someone with a sword
* No more stabbings on trains/tube (unless they had a gladius)
* All those little tw@ts with baggy trousers hanging down, flashing their TK Maxx pants, would have to pull them up - or the weight of the sword would pull them down.
* No more fights in pubs - to get a decent swing you’d need to step outside
* It’d be a great spectator sport



Ok, I’m bored. I was watching Highlander again
At least you've cut straight to the point
 
#7
Frank Lampard would drop all his weaponry and scarper from the field of battle Julian Clary like.
 
#8
I like the sound of this medevil approach whilst old fashioned - cunningly civilised. I shall promote the idea at my next neighbourhood watch meeting.
 
#9
The sad thing is that swords were "legal" until very recently, certainly in Scotland.

The Holyrood Loonies banned "samuri swords" ony a year or so ago, because:

a. There was one of those idiot "goth" shops in the Royal Mile flogging all sorts of Orc related hardware in addition to the "Traditional" Claymores and Claybegs. This was considered to scare the tourists and a means of arming the Neds.

b. Samurai swords were the chosen weapons of a few Glasgow hard men. Frankly the sword was the least of the problem.

I'm actually not sure if I am legal carrying my sword on Rememberence Sunday?
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#10
cernunnos said:
No one would try and chin Frank Lampard if footballers were all tooled up with broadswords and chain mail! It could be good for the game, but bad for referees!
And the problem with it being bad for ref's is what?

In fact, we could get rid of footballers and have competitions involving chav hip-hop types. They could do their 'combat dance' moves to defend themselves against big blokes with swords, clubs, tridents and whips. Might even bung in a few fierce wild animals. I would pay to see that!

Bugger. Nurse is back with medication.
 
#11
The sword is an elegant and noble weapon in the correct hands, there is something extremely stylish about hacking someones napper off with an English Broadsword don't you think.

Oh for the happy days of the crusades again...(Sighs whistfully)
 
#12
I think it is legal to carry a sword as long as it is sheathed. I may be wrong but I would love to see more people carrying them. It would add a touch of class to a train journy.

Commuter : Can you move down a bit, we can squeeze more people into that 6 inch gap.
LVH: You sir have insulted me! {SLLLLAAAAAPPP} I demand satisfaction!
 
#14
old_fat_and_hairy said:
cernunnos said:
No one would try and chin Frank Lampard if footballers were all tooled up with broadswords and chain mail! It could be good for the game, but bad for referees!
And the problem with it being bad for ref's is what?

In fact, we could get rid of footballers and have competitions involving chav hip-hop types. They could do their 'combat dance' moves to defend themselves against big blokes with swords, clubs, tridents and whips. Might even bung in a few fierce wild animals. I would pay to see that!

Bugger. Nurse is back with medication.
We would have to start teaching latin in schools again - and make the little barstewards read Vergil - and Shakespeare for English classes :highfive: The punishment for bad results would be - see above!
 
#15
Nice start G_s_b. agree with others too.

The sure way to stop crime, is to have troops not on OP's, take over the HoC, (Patrick Mercer could be PM) slot a few of the nice people therein and having taken over the BBC (renaming it ARRSE TV, plus the other channels for the Marines, Navy and RAF).

Make Party Political Broadcasts, along the lines of "step out of line get slotted".

Save the country a fortune, what's a .556 cost these days?

I'm such a moderate, hug a hoodie, with black and nasty, in the middle of Dartmoor, surrounded by razor wire and crippled former service personnel in guard boxes with LSW's to shoot any tw@ that manages to do a Houdini on the Black and Nasty.
 
#16
The_Cad said:
Frank Lampard would drop all his weaponry and scarper from the field of battle Julian Clary like.
You may be right. If the linesmen were armed with English Bills (incidentally the first weapon to attract an attempt at international arms control as it was thought to be to brutal) and cross bows, he might be persuaded to stand and fight this time.
 
#17
Instead of "Hug A hoody" we could have disembowel a hoody on reality TV.

Premium Rate Phone charges could be used to decide which spawn of satan would be removed from the gene pool.

Sensible Policies for a sensible nation!
 
#18
The_Cad said:
Instead of "Hug A hoody" we could have disembowel a hoody on reality TV.

Premium Rate Phone charges could be used to decide which spawn of satan would be removed from the gene pool.

Sensible Policies for a sensible nation!

Being an avid "Reality TV" hater!!! that'd be the only one I watch. Great idea T_C :thumright:
 
#19
Top Tip

To be able to carry a sword / dagger / pointy thing and be legit, wear an historical costume. I'm a medieval re enactor and can wander round tooled up as its prt of my costume.
 
#20
The_Cad said:
Instead of "Hug A hoody" we could have disembowel a hoody on reality TV.

Premium Rate Phone charges could be used to decide which spawn of satan would be removed from the gene pool.

Sensible Policies for a sensible nation!
As long as Icstis are watching carefully.
 

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