Kit list needed ....... Im going to Hell

A sense of humour
1. Breast implants
2. marmite cheese
3. 3 copies of sluts with nuts
4. Flying goggles

These things are essential for the afterlife, "THEY" told me.
Hell can't be that bad, they don't let Jehova's witnesses in at all. Boring bas'tards.

Whores, harlots, women of easy virtue all go to hell. Virgins go to heaven. What fu'cking use is a virgin?

I don't like harp music and feathers make me sneeze.

Clouds can be cold drafty places, at least hell has heating.

I would take a tube of burn ointment and a tube of KY jelly, and a suit and shoes, made out of cheese posessed (no amount of heating would melt that) then you've got it covered. Take a phone so you can order a pizza, Mafia, Cosa Nostra, Mussolini, bent Popes etc.. hell is packed full of Italians.

I'll get my trident!

P.S. If you fancy a trial weekend I suggest you go to Barry Island!
LordVonHarley said:
I'm sure the rumour of being buggered by demons is just Christians trying to drum up business.

I will have my tailor to run up an asbesto suit with armoured seat just incase thou!
Isn't there a church in Salisbury with a fairly detailed wall-painting of demons doing awful things to MDN? 'Tis rumoured that he looks very happy!

John_Charity_Spring said:
The kingdom of Hell was privatised years ago, half the demons were laid off, the fires are now stoked by unreliable foreign contractors and the Damned Souls IT system has collapsed. A number of sinners are being offered alternative accomadation in Purgatory. Furthermore the Angel of Death is now only working in a consultancy capacity and Hell's Gates are closed due to ongoing repairs.

You are advised to continue sinning as usual because new equality legislation will guarantee you a place on the waiting list for Heaven. Becoming a shareholder will ensure priority processing through the Celestial Call Centre.
1. Also known as DII/F?

2. Or make a sizeable donation to a political party or politician?


Similar threads