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Kit list needed ....... Im going to Hell

#1
If God does exist then I'm screwed, I will be given a one way ticket to the hot firey place once I shug off this mortal coil.

Now Hell will be full of Sinners so it should be a bit of fun - Gambling, Drinking to excess, fornication out side marrage and all the other fun things Christians don't like.

What should I ask to be burried with me to take to the other side?
 
#2
An asbestos suit.
 
#6
Civvy_Shot said:
Cherie Booth QC. Doesn't have to be dead before burial, if that helps.
The ancient Egyptians used to bury beautiful young servants to be ravished in the next world ...... why the feck would I want to that old hag for all eternity.
...... Oh..... I see your point :twisted:
 
#7
mediumwhiteamericano said:
I would suggest plenty of Femidoms; MDN will be waiting!
MDN will convert to RC and confess his sins when he is on his death bed thus side stepping Hell to spend eternity buggering Nuns in Heaven.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#8
Well, you won't need matches, but you might want to take a loaf of bread (and a fork, though I hear they've got some).
 
#9
No point in going to heaven anyhow- you wont know anyone!

Take a toasting fork and some marshmallows.
Take some tampons, it is (apparently) not un-common for fudge packers to use them asfter a heavy 'session'.
 
#12
I wouldn't worry too much. You won't be able to get anywhere near the flames for all the politicians and men of religion.
 
#13
LordVonHarley said:
mediumwhiteamericano said:
I would suggest plenty of Femidoms; MDN will be waiting!
MDN will convert to RC and confess his sins when he is on his death bed thus side stepping Hell to spend eternity buggering Nuns in Heaven.
why wait until heaven? :twisted:
 
#14
Mr_Deputy said:
Lord Von Hartley I think you should tgo to the nearest Police station (before tehy close for the night so go after lunch) and hand yourself in and admit to whatever henous crime you have peri...pertupi....perp.... done.

If its about a little girl well you'll be in serious hot water. Although you may get a wish list from the mum as they al lthink she did it and they'll have a few quid left over.

If just allowed one item - take a spoon - you'll be in custard for a while. So they say. I think that's what it is. Sounds nasty. you'll be like a bit of pie.

Whats wrong with putting little girls in some serious hot water? answers on a post card to Mr G & Mrs K McCann c.o. the express newspaper, every day for the last 6 months etc etc etc
 
#15
I'm sure the rumour of being buggered by demons is just Christians trying to drum up business.

I will have my tailor to run up an asbesto suit with armoured seat just incase thou!
 
#16
I really wouldnt worry. If satan is evil, and all the evil people go to hell, its probably got quite a party feel. Take some beer, tabs and a fancy sombrerro. Hitlers working the BBQ and Myra's on Creche duty. Stay away from the Peter Tobin Memorial Garden though, I hear its a bit of let down.
 
#17
smartascarrots said:
I wouldn't worry too much. You won't be able to get anywhere near the flames for all the politicians and men of religion.
No change to being alive then :roll:
 
#18
The kingdom of Hell was privatised years ago, half the demons were laid off, the fires are now stoked by unreliable foreign contractors and the Damned Souls IT system has collapsed. A number of sinners are being offered alternative accomadation in Purgatory. Furthermore the Angel of Death is now only working in a consultancy capacity and Hell's Gates are closed due to ongoing repairs.

You are advised to continue sinning as usual because new equality legislation will guarantee you a place on the waiting list for Heaven. Becoming a shareholder will ensure priority processing through the Celestial Call Centre.
 
#19
I've been to Purgatory. It's alright, not great, but alright. Oh and take a PSP or something 'cause there feck all to do.

As for hell, don't worry about a packing list. Anything you'll need you'll get in theater.
 

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