Kit list?.....Info?.....Advice required................

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by TheBigUn, Oct 24, 2007.

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  1. Following on from the numerous other threads where people request help and advice regarding what kit to pack/take on whatever jaunt/op/ex they are deploying on I thought I would ask for the help of my fellow Arrsers on what I should pack and/or take on the following:

    I'm planning on going for a long leisurely shite in my rather palatial although quite small bathroom. I'm bored with the old newspaper/paperback book routine and thought that it's about time I considered other options while conducting my daily ablutions. I worked out that during my life time I have had approx 15,700 sh1ts (working on the one shite per day ratio! including leap years :wink: )so it's about time I had a change. Expected length of my tour/task is about 25-45 mins, or possibly longer depending on the onset of lack of blood supply to my lower limbs or the forming of a semi-permanent curved welt where the bog seat has dug into my arrse.

    Advice gratefully accepted on what kit you think I should take or store in the bathroom for future use?

    No need to mention MDN strength gut wrenching uber-porn as that's been done already on numerous occasions I'm looking for the type of advice only a seasoned crapper can offer.

    As an aside working on the one sh1te per day ratio how many have you had during your lifetime :?

    TBU :D
     
  2. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Well I had 5 sh1ts today as I had a Chicken Tikka Chili Masala last night.
    How about fitting a X-Box & a small flat screen TV in there.A small fridge for liquid refreshments & a foot stool,take out menu & phone.
    You need never leave.
     
  3. There lies the problem, your average squaddie bungs himself up with compo while on exercise, the leads to an imbalance in the one a day theory. In order to gain an accurate result you would have to look at how compo effects you as an individual. Now I find that for every week of sutained compo intake my day to dump ratio drops to a point where I may only mane one bog rocker of an evacuation at the end of that week, two if the gods are smiling upon me. Factor into this the fact that many squaddies are partial to the odd curry every now and again, this cuasing uncontrolable bouts of the squitters the next day.

    So the equasion would have to be:

    D x E - Y + X = Dumps during your lifetime to date.

    Where D = 1 dump per day, E = number of days you have been alive, Y = days of compo induced blockage X = curry induced multiple sessions of the squitters.
     
  4. I recommend a cussioned bog seat and pillow, thus getting some much needed kip!
     
  5. My sole piece of advice is to check the means you wipe with for blood as this may indicate a serious medical condition, or some phantom turd burguler hiding in the S bend!