Kipling Re-visited

Discussion in 'Current Affairs, News and Analysis' started by holdfast999, Aug 28, 2009.

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  1. Currently circulating on the net :

    Tommy (with apologies to Kipling)
    Written by Patrick Campbell RM

    They flew me 'ome from Baghdad with a bullet in me chest.
    Cos they've closed the army 'ospitals, I'm in the NHS.
    The nurse, she ain't no Britisher an' so she ain't impressed.
    It's like I'm some street corner thug who's come off second best.
    Yes, it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "You're not welcome 'ere".
    But when Saddam was collar'd, they was quick enough to cheer.

    They're proud when Tommy Atkins 'olds the thin red line out there,
    But now he's wounded back at 'ome, he has to wait for care.
    Some stranger in the next bed sez, "Don't you feel no shame?
    You kill my Muslim brothers!" So it's me not 'im to blame!
    An' then the cleaner ups an' sez "Who are you fightin' for?
    It ain't for Queen and country 'cos it's Bush's bloody war!"
    It's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, what's that smell?"
    But it's "God go with you, Tommy," when they fly us out to 'ell.

    O then we're just like 'eroes from the army's glorious past.
    Yes, it's "God go with you, Tommy," when the trip might be your last.
    They pays us skivvy wages, never mind we're sitting ducks,
    When clerks what's pushing pens at 'ome don't know their flippin' luck.
    "Ah, yes" sez they "but think of all the travel to be 'ad."
    Pull the other one. Does Cooks do 'olidays in Baghdad ?
    It's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, know your place,"
    But it's "Tommy, take the front seat," when there's terrorists to chase.

    An' the town is full of maniacs who'd like you dead toot sweet.
    Yes, it's "Thank you, Mr Atkins," when they find you in the street.
    There's s'posed to be a covynant to treat us fair an' square
    But I 'ad to buy me army boots, an' me combats is threadbare.
    An' 'alf the bloody 'elicopters can't get into the air,
    An' me pistol jammed when snipers fired. That's why I'm laid up 'ere.
    Yes, it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, "We 'ave to watch the pence";
    Bold as brass the P.M. sez, "We spare them no expense."

    "But I'll tell you when they do us proud an' pull out all the stops,
    It's when Tommy lands at Lyneham in a bloomin' wooden box!
  2. Amazing! New Poet Laureate.

    Fcuks sake....
  3. On a cold winter's night in Belfast, somebody wasn't shot.

    But they did happen to mention that this has already been done.

    To death and back again. :roll:
  4. I thought this was about French Fancies and other gopping seventies cakes.
  5. fucking dusty in 'ere ain't it mary poppins?
  6. When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,
    And the women come out to cut up what remains,
    Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
    An' go to your Gawd like a soldier.
    Go, go, go like a soldier,
    Go, go, go like a soldier,
    Go, go, go like a soldier,
    So-oldier ~of~ the Queen!

    I hope to God that this Kipling quote does not become current. Well written cover of the original , this should be sent to the press for greater distribution, if it has not already.
  7. Shit , hes shat.
  8. Jesus f ucking Christ, not again?
    This poem is one of,if not the most vomit inducing peices of utter shite that I have ever read.
  9. Why did I look at this thread???

    oh well, not long till xmas poetry crawls out of the woodwork.
  10. Damn! I thought it was about "Exceedingly good cakes"!
  11. LancePrivateJones

    LancePrivateJones LE Book Reviewer

    Shit bollocks ********* piss fuck fart,

    Some bastards gone and stole my cart,

    I don't care if I don't get there,

    Shit bollocks ********* piss fuck fart.

    Poem, by a pissed up Welsh squaddie c1981, recited very loudly to tumultuous applause somewhere in West Germany.
  12. It's a bit dusty in here.

    The bloody cart must have brought it in.
  13. Was it this cart? :)
  14. That's the one. :lol:

    All those bodies and nobody got shot. :roll:
  15. Too late! From this thread...