Kinkiest thing done

A man contacts an escort and asks " How much to do something kinky ? "
Having agreed the price , they repair to a local Travelodge .
The man draws the curtains shut , switches off the lights and orders the girl to lie on the bed naked and perfectly still , which she does .
She hears him creeping around , but after twenty minutes , he hasn't been near her , so she asks " I though you were going to do something kinky ? "
" I have , I've just crapped in your hand bag " .

Is that Billy Connolly’s taxi ?
 
A man contacts an escort and asks " How much to do something kinky ? "
Having agreed the price , they repair to a local Travelodge .
The man draws the curtains shut , switches off the lights and orders the girl to lie on the bed naked and perfectly still , which she does .
She hears him creeping around , but after twenty minutes , he hasn't been near her , so she asks " I though you were going to do something kinky ? "
" I have , I've just crapped in your hand bag " .

Is that my taxi ?

Memory jog:- 10 sigs cavalry barracks. Hounslow 1973 or 4, pigs bar, some rather loud WRAC types were giving it large, a few of the lads were getting pissed off so, everything normal, one girl goes to the bog, leaves her handbag with her mates, one of the lads wanders over, hoists the bag, nips in the crapper and curls one off into her handbag, slips the bag back , and waits for the reaction, which happened about 10 minutes later, WRAC type opens bag, shoves hand straight into a second hand evening meal, peanuts and assorted chocolate bars. Oh!, forgot to mention, the Girls were 419 Tp RCT, all Dykes.....Happy days!
 
A man contacts an escort and asks " How much to do something kinky ? "
Having agreed the price , they repair to a local Travelodge .
The man draws the curtains shut , switches off the lights and orders the girl to lie on the bed naked and perfectly still , which she does .
She hears him creeping around , but after twenty minutes , he hasn't been near her , so she asks " I though you were going to do something kinky ? "
" I have , I've just crapped in your hand bag " .

Is that my taxi ?
That brings back memories, the memory of when I first heard that one in the school playground in 1968.
 
I was 17, she was 33.
I was young, inexperienced and would go at it like a rabbit, which she enjoyed...6 times a night.

However, when she did the whole **** beads thing i found out quite forcefully that you're supposed to pop them out gently one at a time, NOT pull them out in a simulation of pull starting a petrol lawnmower.
You're also supposed to put them up her arrse, not yours. Then pull them out any way you like.


Or so I was told.
 
I was 17, she was 33.
I was young, inexperienced and would go at it like a rabbit, which she enjoyed...6 times a night.

However, when she did the whole **** beads thing i found out quite forcefully that you're supposed to pop them out gently one at a time, NOT pull them out in a simulation of pull starting a petrol lawnmower.
Did she start up like a two stroke engine...…………...
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
No idea what they do now but in my day, dental officers in BAOR's war role was anaesthetics so we used to spend a few weeks a year providing anaesthetics in various BMHs. As such one occasionally got to see more of the obscure than one did in a medical centre.

Obviously tales of various objects stuck up jacksies are old news and not uncommon however in terms of kinkiness, I shall relate this true story.

It was 1991 (give or take a year) and we had a UKBC on the table, don't think I've seen a theatre so full of observers.
The purpose of her operation. To remove the bendy drinking straw that her and her female partner had been using to pass urine from one to the other with. Unfortunately it had slipped up her urethra a little bit too far, the straw had bent and was acting like a barb on a fish hook.
A more orthodox approach had been ruled out as each time a set of suitable forceps was placed on the lower end of the straw it just shredded and thus is was not for removal the way it went it.
One laprascopy later and a nice 6 inch scar on her belly, the straw was removed.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Once upon a time I used to actually WORK for 8 hours a day.

I feel so ashamed.
 
I did an Open University summer lab school in Nottingham. The whole week started of in chaos until me, a senior fire officer and a Squadron Leader shouted STOP, reorganised everything and got it working, but I digress- in my syndicate was a small, horny Scottish lass (think Claire Grogan in Red Dwarf mode). She was a nurse on the colo-rectal ward of a major Jockaneese hospital and she recounted the following conversation.

Nurse: Sir, I see you have a large Spanish onion up your bottom.
Male Patient: Yes, I do have a large Spanish onion up my bottom.
Nurse: May I politely enquire why you have a large Spanish onion up your bottom?
Male Patient: Because the golf ball kept falling out.
 

Similar threads

New Posts

Latest Threads

Top