'KIN 'ELL !! been heavy in here today...so......

I wasnt aware there were spelling mistakes , being a guardsman and all that :eek:
To be honest, as a Guardsman, you were likely only interested in the photograph panels in the middle of the book!
 

smeg-head

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This is, quite possibly the funniest thread I've read on here. It certainly a lot truer than @John G life story!
 

Club Swinger

Old-Salt
I've just finished wiping my eyes after finishing Rab Orr's book 'Stumpy And The Auld Sapper'
Yes tears of laughter there were lots. But at the end I was 'greetin like a twist' as only ex Squaddies can because of the unique way they have of totally 'getting' it when other Squaddies tell of their adventures.

This hardback book is a first edition, cost me £25.00 plus a fiver for the postage. But the read was certainly worth it. Sadly Rab is unlikely to see a penny of that due to the robbing twats at the original publishers.

Yes the book contains a fair few typos, spelling, and grammatical mistakes. But you know what, in a weird way it made the book more interesting and enjoyable; why? Because it left you in absolutely no doubt whatsoever, that the author had been there, seen the film, got the T-Shirt, and knew 100% what he was talking about.

Rab has the gift of telling a tale with such descriptive vivid reality it made you feel as if you were there witnessing what was actually going on. The way he writes in the way that people speak, especially the Irish, "foightin for Qyain nd feckin cuuntry so we are" is uncanny, and what makes the story even more believable. And his encounters with all ranks above including the 'Badge, The Rass Man, 'The Old Man' every squaddie will be able to relate to.

Now all I have to do is pass this book on to my old man who was a dog handler in the war. Then get my arrse in gear, dust off the lap top and finish the half written, sat on the back oven, unfinished yet to be masterpiece of a book I started about five years ago.

If I can get it half as funny as Rab's book I'll be well happy.
 
Shameless plug for the 2019-20 Arrse Up Face Down Premier Fantasy League thread in the Sports Forum.
We NEED cannon fodder new players!

Details on how to join (easy), how much it costs (nothing - OK, maybe your dignity), how to play (do a lot, or do nothing), Hints & Tips (take em, or leave em), Top Prize for the Winner (Self Esteem, and sometimes when all is said and done, not even a 'Well done, or Kiss my Arrse from the failures).
 

Club Swinger

Old-Salt
Shameless plug for the 2019-20 Arrse Up Face Down Premier Fantasy League thread in the Sports Forum.
We NEED cannon fodder new players!

Details on how to join (easy), how much it costs (nothing - OK, maybe your dignity), how to play (do a lot, or do nothing), Hints & Tips (take em, or leave em), Top Prize for the Winner (Self Esteem, and sometimes when all is said and done, not even a 'Well done, or Kiss my Arrse from the failures).
Shameless indeed it is....but hey ho
 

ACAB

LE
Ola, bom dia, hello! Tiz I! The famous published fcuking author. Long time I know. Hope this finds you well.

So, a read back of this thread should wise up you who don't know the situation vis a vis the publication of the book and the sorry tail of cnuts, liars, thieves, chancers and general fcuking wakners I've encountered in the publishing world. But anyoo, a brief recap.

First taken in by an ex Rupert who rushed the book into production with neither proofing nor editing. It was a heady time for a first time author dumb siht and with my literary head in the clouds I didn't notice the cnut de-breek and shaft me. Last heard from him when his company MLRS went tits up at the end of 2014 and he promised 'not to come in my mouth'. Or was it 'the cheques in the post'. Canny mind. It was a while ago but needless to say fcuk all arrived.

And so, life rolled on and sorting something out was always on the cards but, well, I live in the fcuking Algarve and am surrounded by sun,sea, sangria, Sagres beer, vinho tinto, Porto and G&Ts for 3 bucks that are so big you can swim in them. So y'know. Distractions and that.

So anyhoo, a couple of years ago I became aware of an outfit by the name of Caliver Books. Never heard of the fcukers so got in touch to enquire WTF? This is when I discovered this pile of fcuking mince in the book..........

Published by Partizan Press & MLRS 2012
100 Baker Road, Newthorpe, Nottingham, NG16 2DP
Ph/Fx: +44 (0) 1159 382111
Email: ask@caliverbooks.com
www.caliverbooks.com
Copyright Rab Orr 2012 .
First published in Great Britain in 2012 by Partizan Press & MLRS ISBN: 978-1-85818-
Printed by Good News Press Ltd, Ongar
Design & production by Jay Forster
All photographs © Rab Orr

I mean WTF!? That's some dose of fingers in the pie and given that all the batsards did was publish the draft that I cobbled together and submitted and the son in law designed the cover art work, what did all these fukcers do!?

Of course this should have all been clear in the contact I signed, no? Aye right. Honour amongst Vets, gentlemens agreements blah dee fcuking blah. They really could see a dumb fcuk coming from a mile away.

Anyhoo myself and Caliver came to an agreement to revamp and re release the book. This was an easier option than going down the legal path would have been. He promised to 'not come in my mouth' as well. Guess what? Now he doesn't speak to me. Last heard from a year and a half ago. The on going crap with him is cease and desist letters and complaining to Amazon.

The current 'Master Plan'? Edited, rewritten and addition material. Done. Spell checked. Dun. Formatted for E thingyz. Wurk in prugress. Idea is to self publish, print the books myself and do all the things that the grubby fcuking parasites were doing.

This is a work in progress but nearly there.

On going distractions? This month is the second anniversary of The Belfast Bitch having her treatment for throat cancer. It's been a long, long journey that taken it's toll both emotionally and financially but the light at the end of the woods is in view.

There is, of course, the ever present distraction of being surrounded by cheap booze as well!

Cheers!

Ubique Ya Bass!
Yep, fully concur.....
 

Club Swinger

Old-Salt
Has anyone heard from @Auld_Sapper lately, he seems to have gone AWOL/MIA?

Edit: Again
 

Club Swinger

Old-Salt
Where did you order it from and please let me know if it arrives, I had the loan of a copy and thought it was a great read. Should really get one of my own and read it again.
Well I have finished reading Stumpy And The Auld Sapper now and so has my Dad. My Dad who is 90 years old and was a Dog Handler in the Army out in Egypt thought it was a brilliant read.

If anyone would like this book sending to them I am happy to post it on for what I paid for it, plus postage.

Just PM me with your name and address, sort out payment via PayPal or something and I'll get the book to you.

Cheers
 

Club Swinger

Old-Salt
Earth to @AuldSapper, you reading me over....
 

Club Swinger

Old-Salt

Club Swinger

Old-Salt
I am only posting this here as it showed up whilst I was searching for Auld Sapper's book.



The Homemade Workshop : Build Your Own Woodworking Machines and Jigs
Hamilton, James: Nubs, Stumpy


I can't help thinking that Stumpy Nubs is a nom de plume for a not very good woodworker. A sort of Reg Prescott of the timber world. With wanking spanners like this:

View attachment 401080

Or maybe our resident woodturner. Is that @LEGZ30 (my memory is farqued).
Specific bit...

I can't help thinking that Stumpy Nubs is a nom de plume for a not very good woodworker. A sort of Reg Prescott of the timber world. With wanking spanners like this:
...and you would be wrong sir.

Stumpy Nubs is the YouTube channel of a stand-up comedian and actual woodworker...

Stumpy Nubs YouTube Channel

He is a very, very good woodworker. As a Yank he relies too much on power and machine tools but there you go.
 

Club Swinger

Old-Salt
deanol said:

Build Your Own Woodworking Machines And Jigs

Why on earth would anyone want to do that...
I didn't say that.

But making jigs is what woodworkers to use machines do quite a lot of.

Machines like drum sanders are pretty expensive and quite a few people make their own.

Seem like a good book if you have the space, which most US woodworkers do.

Paul Sellers is who most UK based woodworkers aspire to, as he uses hand tools more, which take up less space and are quieter.
 

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