Kilts...Advice Please (From the benefit of experience)

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by legal_eagle, May 4, 2007.

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  1. Upon leaving Her Majesty's Armed Forces I went to Liverpool Uni to study Law, maybe to defend Squaddies who have unfairly found themselves facing charges simply as the result of drunken high spirits!!

    Anyway, I have a graduation ball next month and my mother (bless her) is very proud to have a graduate in the family and being from an Ulster/Scots family wants me to wear the family tartan.

    I've never worn a kilt before and I'm looking at it more from a NAAFI bar / squaddy point of view than family history. This ball will be full of drunken young splits and there'll be very few if any of the lads wearing Kilts.

    The question then obviously is, will it improve my chances of bagging one these little scutters??

    What are your experiences? Any Jocks or Paddies, when you have gone to a black tie event in your tartan is it a magnet??

    All advice gratefully received and if any of it helps me pull, free conveyancing next time you buy a house!!!
  2. If you have legs like matchsticks: Nil

    If you have tree trunks for legs: 100%

    Go for it! LOL

  3. And if you dont have any legs dont even think about it
  4. LOL! You're right there, I'd just end up arsing around!
  5. Yes, yes, yes and yes.


    Make sure you tackle is well-groomed and not sweaty. Girlies tend not to appreciate their sly grope resulting in a hand smelling like a wet labrador.
  6. And if by any chance you don’t have legs and still want to wear a kilt get some Douglas Bader legs that squeak like hell and get on the dance floor and get the DJ to play the Weebles Wobble But they Don’t Fall down theme tune you will get the sympathy vote from all the females and bound to be on a promise
  7. Ensure you are correctly dressed (undressed) beneath the kilt. All women allways want to know if you are "a true jock" and many are happy to find out in a very friendly way.

    Beware too much weight in the sporran combined with dancing vigorously!
  8. Went to many a do wearing a kilt. Even the most straight laced woman cant help themselves from having a quick grope. Always any excellent ice breaker. But dont wear a shirt with a frilly front as they look gay!!!!!
  9. Personally, I don't wear a kilt - wheelchairs tend to display waaay too much therefore folk don't need to ask.

    BUT - do it! just make sure you wear it properly. Went to a wedding in Cyprus where the groom, from Ulster, wore a kilt. When I say 'wore', I mean he had it around his waist - with the pleats at the front because "it moved easier!" I tried to advice, he ignored, I smiled politely and he looked like a tit
  10. Be prepared for many a hand to shoot up your leg.
    Rather unfortunately, that squeeze on your arrse cheek might not be from the golden-haired lass that you were eyeing up earlier, but from Cecil, the spotty Ginger freak that was eyeing you up earlier.
  11. You will have more totty tickling your tackle than you can point a shity stick at. Only down side I find is your arrse sweats loads when you are giving them the good news!

    Thinking about it I may even wear mine this weekend 8)
  12. Abso-feckin-lutely. I scare even the steadiest of horses and the kilt (worn corrrectly) has helped me get my Nat-King-Cole from some quite presentable young women.

    There's something atavistic about it - it's a visible symbol of the wildness of the Celt and that brings out a certain eagerness in civilised specimens of the fair sex; that and the proximity of the goods.

    Of course, you have to take care when sitting down that you're not losing your mystery. Keep your knees together at all costs when in public.

    Oh, and by the by, they make your arrse itch like buggery when you start to sweat.
  13. The kilt - not Irish pipers' saffron, but my mufti undress Highland one, to which ancestry entitles me - has been and remains a never-ending pull for totty, from Shetland to London, Belize to Hongkong, Novaya Zemlya to South Georgia.

    It shows off with a manly swagger, so long as you're neither a beanpole nor a butterball; and ladies of all ages and backgrounds get Wandering Hands Syndrome in its presence.

    Underlying tackle can be deployed instantly, and in almost any posture.

    Warmly recommended!!
  14. Ahh yes, the memory of getting on the dance floor with a full hipflask discreetly tucked in the sporran....still brings tears to my eyes and a falsetto note to the voice...

    I have now been advised that the correct procedure is to drink the contents, and THEN get on the dance floor. Or pay hotel bar prices.

    And if you do get a gentleman of lavender orientation copping a quick grope (assuming that you aren't enjoying it) you are entitled to carry a Sghian Dubh so a quick prod with that should warn him off.
  15. Thanks lads! This is good stuff, very encouraging. Keep it coming! Sounds like I'll have them dripping at 50 paces!