Killer Biscuits Wanted For Attempted Murder

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by themonsstar, Oct 24, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. No Link, this is from an E-mail sent to me.


    Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws in Los Angeles and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

    Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

    The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

    When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

    A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.

    When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

    Linda is a blonde and a Democrat, but I'm certain that's irrelevant.
  2. Only in America.....

    Land of the free, home to some of the more easily confused..
  3. Septics, don't you just love em! :D
  4. Dough!

    (Apologise to homer Simpson!)
  5. Likely to be apocryphal:


    Though I remember Myth Busters proving it was possible in a very hot car, though even then it took ten minutes or so.
  6. Proper true story (cos I was there)

    Woman knocked over by black cab in central London. Huge mess of yellowy/ reddy mass around the side of her head. Conscious but complaining of banging her head.
    Police announce "Oh my goodness, this looks serious"
    Paramedics announce "Depressed skull fracture, leaking cerebrospinal (sp) fluid, call in HEMS".

    Police officer on external cordon is approached by witness who states she was behind her in the KFC adjacent to accident scene.

    Doctor on scene orchestrates the safe moving of casualty. Roll her over and find the remains of chicken fillet burger sans most of the mayo and salsa dressing.

    Wipe down with a wet wipe - minor scrape to side of face only.