I've just had to endure an hour of my eight year old girls school nativity play. Whats the point? You know before you get there whats going to happen, some monotone look at me kid is going to narrate the same old shit from 2000 years ago and the teachers will put their own little spin on things by adding something a little quirky or down with the kids. The cunts! This year was xmas factor. 'Fucking gripping' I thought as I walked in looking at the remainder of the fawning parents. I honestly felt like saying 'put your cameras away its going to be wank' To pass the time away and making false but encouraging gestures to my nipper I entertained myself by imagining the goings on in Bethlehem but changing the venue and date to present day Middlesborough. Mary : Ower man Joseph, fookin come home I need a word Joseph: Alreet pet, whats oop Mary : Well sit doon love, av some at te tell ya. Yer see..... Am preggers, and I know you've only fingered us and wanked on me tits, but I promise you its Gods, not Malky from the Nags head. Joseph : yer a slag, come here while I black yer eye Mary : Nooo man, honest, three fookin kings bringing Gold, frankinsense and a nintendo are gonna come and you need to shift yer pidgeons from the shed. Joseph : Fuckin right, you can move out there until the little bastards born, and we'll rewrite history by nailing the cunt to a cross five seconds after its born. Mary: Diven'ts be a daft cunt, think of the benefits. Joseph: Fair one, we'll call it Martin, after me Dad....... You bucket cunted fuckin whore. Mary: Nah man, God says we have to call him Jesus Joseph: When God gets his arse to my scrap yard with some maintenance then the cnut gets a say, until then, its Martin. Has anyone else been tortured by shit plays or can anyone else imagine the Nativity being played in other times and places.