Kidnapping The Fat.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Bennett, Jan 26, 2006.

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  1. I was in the Pub over crimbo with the Bezzer and his Mrs and the usual banter was flying. When one of our favourite Drunk banter conversations crops up again, that being "What are the logistical requirements of Kidnapping Fatties" now this does not include the chubby, rotund larger members of society. No we are talking about obese whale like people, your classic massive fcuker who defiantly ate all the pies, or as one of my mates describes them on sighting as "wow that guy has a BIG engine". Back to the How of kidnapping fatties as Taff_Dee writes net guns and sedatives would be essentials. But what else would? My ideal combo would be a Landy with net gun as well as one of those trank rifles used on rhinos but then you have to get the beached whale into the vehicle.

    So if you were going to Hypothetically kidnap a fatty (for your own sick amusement) such as Prescott or Feltz how would you go about it?
  2. Though I can offer no logistical thoughts on how to move said fattie, once captured it would be a wise to drop it in Thames. Think of the headlines 'GIANT HALF-MAN-HALF-WHALE seen floating in the Thames. Scientists BAFFELED'. Somewhat smaller headline 'Mysterious tsunamis befalls France'
    As an aside: Said addition of fat man to the river Thames may make it even more polluted so proceed with caution and an emergency supply of celery.
  3. Dead simple, a 40 footer full of pies, wheres the difficulty there?
  4. Because the kind of fat people being mentioned here cant actually walk for fear that they're huge 98% fat bodies will cause their legs to snap at the shin, and they will suffer from what can only be described as a Super-Heart attack. Resulting in a very uncooperative mass of blubber.

    For those interested in what the difference between a heart attack and a super heart attack is, look up the difference between a Nova and a Super-Nova.
  5. [​IMG]

    Simply place a large pie as bait, use the net gun and then hook em up to one of these. Police can be fobbed off by telling them that you are simply rescuing a large marine mammal (that just happens to be wearing a hideously revealing crop top) and then drive off towards the nearest river/coastline where you can proceed to ascertain the depth of that particular stretch of water by plumbing it with the 1/2 ton hook - fatty still regrettably attached of course.
  6. Actually happened to a superfatty on exercise with us. Stepped over a fence- loud thunder clap like a large branch breaking. Poor unfortunate had a fractured tib and fib.

    Beware with fatty-baiting, bring your morphine supplies. :? Or extra cream cakes......
  7. OK Rowums I conceed to your superior fat knowledge.

    So moving walkway covered in pies leading to a 40 footer......I fear everyone elses "cunning plans" will fail as they seem dead set to drown aforesaid fat cnuts. The purpose of kidnap surely is to gain a pecuniary advantage.
  8. What does recycled lard sell for these days? The unemployment department in Nantucket wil probably give up the address of a good flenser...
  9. Sell the fuckers to a rendering plant and use them to generate electricity.