Keyboard cleaning

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Nov 7, 2007.

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  1. This afternoon, had me flicking through pics and leaning back in the office recliner picturing all manner of filth.... Cut cut a long story short it wasn't long before I was at full thrust, cupping my nads in the left hand and pumping the stump with the other....

    As I approached vinegars it dawned on me that I had no where to fire it and was more aware that I hadn't given it a rub for a couple of days so the c0ck snot would come out in a reasonable rainbow of relsih.

    Legs bent, eyes slit like a jap I let go..... as predicted it want a fair bit and only a bit fell on the back of my hand........ the rest, a good couple of teaspoons worth splattered my fcuking keyboard.....

    Have you ever tried to clean cum off a keyboard? it goes between the keys and you can't get it all......

    That was a couple of hours ago, with Jiffy cloths, tissue, everything Ive tried to mop up the (now starting to smell) more liquidy, less gloopy fat.

    I'm sure there are some serial internet w@nkers out there who have this problem regularly, please help and dispell and rumours that if one of the office pigs drains the keyboard into her mot, in an effort to gather maintenance payments and a superior breed of child from my genes she can't get pregnant on stale spuzz
  2. Come again.
  3. let it dry and go flaky,then you get to scratch and sniff while you scrape it off with your thumbnail and eat it!
  4. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Well, aherm, as long as it is not a battery powered keyboard, the simplest thing to do is unplug the keyboard and dunk it in a sinkful of soapy water before giving it a hard scrubbing.

    After this, and providing the jizz has succesfully been washed orf, you place it in a warm place (not too warm, it is plastic after all) to dry off.

    Ensure the keyboard is completely dry before plugging back in.

    If it's a battery powered one, take out the fecking batteries too!
  5. It is a battery one, common sense would have told me to move it, nut I was nuts deep in Claudie Ferrari so impact area was last thing on my mind.

    W@nkings great, but I'm not thick enough to bath my keyboard :D
  6. Title of MDN's next thread: "How do I get my keyboard out of my arse?" :D
  7. I thought you of all people would be an expert at spunk removal. If only for guzzling purposes.
  8. Well, I was going to pm MDN when the thread was posted to beg him to let me hoover it off his keyboard, but then I thought I'd let you and the boy have a go: in your own time, jugears.
  9. Get a new keyboard. You should only use virgin keyboards.
  10. You mean you've finished those trick or treaters already?
  11. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Why not ask those who habitually spit coffee all over their keyboards at some minor inanity? They must be experts by now.
    Personally, if I were to ejaculate when flying solo, I would ensure I had a suitable receptacle in which to collect the residue. A choirboy is always handy for that.
  12. I find that sucking it back up through an empty biro tube is quite effective and strangely arousing.
  13. You said you were in an office, right? Here's what you do: Pour some coffee after your stale manfat and hand the dripping plank over to the cleaning lady.

    Tell her to clean the mess up. The smell of the coffee will overpower the stench of old cum and the hot stuff will also effectively kill off your unborn offspring, negating any risk of unwillingly impregnating the Polish cleaning staff.

    But will you please tell me where you got the mad idea to have a w@nk in an office?

    Edited because I was being a dirty git and foulmouthing on the forum.... :oops: