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Just to prove how thick some people are.....

#1
Britain has become so dumbed down that TV and radio quiz shows are now some of the funniest programmes around, thanks to the embarrassingly stupid answers given by many contestants. Here is a selection of the most amusing taken from a new book .. .

ART
PRESENTER: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
CONTESTANT: Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
(Rock FM, Preston)

ANNE ROBINSON: If a woman is known as Rubenesque, meaning she has a voluptuous figure, which 17th-century artist is she named after?
CONTESTANT: Aretha Franklin.
The Weakest Link

BIOLOGY & NATURAL HISTORY
DALE WINTON: Which bird lays its eggs in other birds' nests? Is it (a) Jackdaw (b) Cuckoo or (c) Magpie?
CONTESTANT: Well, it's not a cuckoo because that lives in a clock.
(National Lottery: In It To Win It)

STEVE WRIGHT: What is a female sheep called?
CONTESTANT: Er... er... a goat.
(Radio 2)

PRESENTER: What black and white animals are some police vehicles named after?
CONTESTANT: Zebras.
(Kiss FM)

STEVE WRIGHT: A sapling is a young what?
CONTESTANT: Pig.
(Radio 2)

ANNE ROBINSON: "Bolster" is an anagram of which marine crustacean?
CONTESTANT: Crab.

CLASSICS AND ANCIENT HISTORY
ANNE ROBINSON: Watling Street, which now forms part of the A5, was built by which ancient civilisation?
CONTESTANT: Apes.
(The Weakest Link)

STEVE WRIGHT: The mythical minotaur had the body of a man and the head of a what?
CONTESTANT: Millipede.

DUMB WORLD
BOB HOLNESS: What is the meat that goes into shepherd's pie?
CONTESTANT: Luncheon.
(Blockbusters)

PRESENTER: Cambridge, Atkins and Cabbage Soup are all types of what?
CONTESTANT: Universities?
(Radio Clyde)

LES DENNIS: Name a TV chef.
CONTESTANT: Rolf Harris.
SECOND CONTESTANT: Mrs Beeton.
THIRD CONTESTANT: My mum.
(Family Fortunes)•

SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY
EAMONN HOLMES: What travels at 300 million metres a second?
CONTESTANT: A cheetah.
(Sudo-Q)

GRAHAM LIVER: Which piece of essential household equipment was invented by Thomas Crapper?
CONTESTANT: Er...
LIVER: The clue's in the question. Thomas Crapper.
CONTESTANT: The tin opener?
(BBC Radio Leeds)

SPORT
NEMONE: Who was the first black footballer to captain England?
CONTESTANT: Alan Shearer.
(BBC 6 Music)

DOM (or possibly Dick): In which city were the recent Winter Olympics held?
CONTESTANT: Taunton.
(Dick & Dom In Da Bungalow, BBC1)

DANNY KELLY: Which country do the rugby team the All Blacks represent?
CONTESTANT: Is it Africa?
KELLY: No, no, keep going...
CONTESTANT: Jamaica?
(BBC WM)

MICHAEL BARRYMORE: What did Roger Bannister do in under four minutes in 1954?
CONTESTANT: Orbit the earth?

SPORT
PRESENTER: How many toes would three people have in total?
CONTESTANT: 23.
(Early morning show, Radio 1)

PHIL WOOD: What's 11 squared?
CONTESTANT: I don't know.
PHIL: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
CONTESTANT: Is it 5?

LITERATURE
ANNE ROBINSON: In Alexander Pope's poem, what 'springs eternal in the human breast'?
CONTESTANT: Milk.
(The Weakest Link)

MEDICINE
ANNE ROBINSON: Which part of the human body consists of 33 vertebrae?
CONTESTANT: The heart.
(The Weakest Link)

GEOGRAPHY
GRAEME GARDEN: What is the highest mountain in England?
CONTESTANT (after long pause): Everest.
(Beat The Nation, C4)

LES DENNIS: Name someone associated with Liverpool.
CONTESTANT : My uncle Peter.
(Family Fortunes)

POLITICS
ANNE ROBINSON: In government organisations, what does the letter M stand for in MI5 and MI6?
CONTESTANT: Murder.
(The Weakest Link)

ANNE ROBINSON: Which British Prime Minister famously said: "We have become a grandmother"?
CONTESTANT: John Major.
(The Weakest Link) •

RELIGIOUS EDUCATION
ALAN BRAZIL: What was the name of the first man on Earth?
CONTESTANT: Tony.
(talkSPORT)

ANNE ROBINSON: The spiritual leader of Tibet is known by what two-word name?
CONTESTANT: The Rabbi.
(The Weakest Link)

RELIGIOUS EDUCATION
GARY KING: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.
CONTESTANT: Lepers.
(LBC 97.3)


MODERN LANGUAGES
ANNE ROBINSON: In catering, a famous chain of tea shops and so-called "corner houses" was opened in London in 1894 by Joseph who?
CONTESTANT: Goebbels.
(The Weakest Link)

JOHN HUMPHRYS: What was the name of the peer who disappeared in 1974 after allegedly murdering his children's nanny, having mistaken her for his wife?
CONTESTANT: Lord Snowdon.
(Mastermind)

MODERN LANGUAGES
ANNE ROBINSON: What is the official language of Israel?
CONTESTANT: Latin.
The Weakest Link

DOMESTIC SCIENCE
Which breakfast cereal is also slang for a period of imprisonment?
CONTESTANT: Cheerios.
(Mastermind)

ENGLISH LANGUAGE
ANNE ROBINSON: What name rhyming with "tapper" was given to girls in the 1920s who wore fringed dresses and danced the Charleston?
CONTESTANT: Slapper.
(The Weakest Link)

SARA COX: Complete this well-known saying: "Beauty is in the eye of the..."
CONTESTANT: Tiger.

ANNE ROBINSON: Which 'D' normally refers to the male parent?
CONTESTANT: Mum.
(The Weakest Link)

ANNE ROBINSON: Which word links an operation on the heart with a detour around a town or village?
CONTESTANT: Ring road.
(The Weakest Link)

Taken from Private Eye's Dumb Britain, edited by Marcus Berkmann (£4.99). To order a copy (p&p free), call 0845 606 4206.


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=497228&in_page_id=1770
 
#3
MODERN LANGUAGES
ANNE ROBINSON: In catering, a famous chain of tea shops and so-called "corner houses" was opened in London in 1894 by Joseph who?
CONTESTANT: Goebbels.
(The Weakest Link)


"Welcome to the Joe Goebbles Propaganda Coffee House!" New Monitor please!
 
#4
PRESENTER: What black and white animals are some police vehicles named after?
CONTESTANT: Zebras.

Errr...so what's the right answer to that one?
 
#6
RELIGIOUS EDUCATION
GARY KING: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.
CONTESTANT: Lepers.
(LBC 97.3)
But this one is right. I have it on the best of authority.

Proof -
Melchett: I'm very sorry, madam. Your royal father used to be very amused by my impersonation of Columbus.
Queenie: That doesn't surprise me. He used to laugh at...those people with the funny faces and the bells.
Melchett: Ah, jesters, ma'am.
Queenie: No... (pauses to remember) ...lepers.
:lol:
 
#10
One from a Belgian TV show from a while ago.

A couple were to answer a bunch of questions identically in order to win some big prize. The woman got headphones on and the man was asked a bunch of questions, the last of which was: "Where did you last have sex". Wihtout blinking his -and no doubt keeping a considerable amount of prize money in mind- the guy answered: "On the kitchentable."

Then the woman got her headphones taken off and she got the same series of questions. She gave all the same answers as her husband and then came the last question: "Where did you last have sex." She blushed and hesitated. The quizmaster said "If you want to win, you'll have to answer. Your husband did!" The husband upped the pressure by saying "Just be honest, tell them the truth, I did!"

So, with a face red as a tomato, the woman answered: "In my arrse!" :oops:

Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week!
 
#11
INTERVIEWER: What is an anonymous donation to the Labour Party from a well known North Eastern property developer, via several third parties called?
BROWN: Half a classroom in Uganda?
INTERVIEWER: No, the actual answer is BUNG!
 
#12
Did anyone see this one a few weeks ago with Vernon whatever his name is on Celebrity Family Fortunes.

Vernon..Name a type of Bean.
Contestant..Lesbian
 
#13
AnotherBerliner said:
wedge35 said:
PRESENTER: What black and white animals are some police vehicles named after?
CONTESTANT: Zebras.

Errr...so what's the right answer to that one?
Panda!
Bugger! I thought it was Magpie!
 
#15
Only a few of these answers may indicate that the contestant is 'thick'. And even the questions dependent on deduction or calculation may only have been answered incorrectly due to nerves.

I could count on the fingers of one hand the times anybody has used the word 'voluptuous' in my company. Its one of those words more written than spoken. And who uses the word 'Rubenesque' anyway? And I speak as one who can spot a Ruben's when I see one.

And the person who probably knew fcuk all about art who answered 'Who framed Roger Rabbit?' in answer to a question containing the words Bob Hoskins/painting/Leonardo de Vinci, was well fast even if wildy off the mark.

This is just those p'issed up smart arrsed public school boys at Private Eye indulging in this really unsavoury new British fashion for 'mocking the chavs.' Its a nasty new trait indulged in by many arrse posters as well. And if the truth were known they probably still have 'hair on their heels' and are mocking those only slightly nearer the swamp than themselves.

This is 1930's middle class contempt for the working classes revisited. Only this time, money rather than class is used as the yardstick.

Rant now over I think the following contestants should have won a bottle of champagne for these answers:

MICHAEL BARRYMORE: What did Roger Bannister do in under four minutes in 1954?
CONTESTANT: Orbit the earth?
If only a few short years later the Russians had had a sense of humour when naming their space dogs.

ANNE ROBINSON: Watling Street, which now forms part of the A5, was built by which ancient civilisation?
CONTESTANT: Apes.
Erh, no madam, we were the apes in those days. And some would say still are.
 
#16
Oh come on - its only effing thurday!! Need some humour today!

goodkurtz, you weren't sent to the CQMS for a "Long Wait" perchance?
 
#17
goodkurtz said:
.

This is 1930's middle class contempt for the working classes revisited. Only this time, money rather than class is used as the yardstick.
I would say it is intelligence or education or possibly just relative level of mongness that is the yardstick now, you can be very rich but still fcuking braindead as many lottery winners/football players can confirm.
 
#18
Q: Name the director of films Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction.

A: Oh, I know this... Justin Quarantino

Edited when I remembered it was on Supermarket Sweep
 
B

blindfire

Guest
#19
Kaye said:
One from a Belgian TV show from a while ago.

A couple were to answer a bunch of questions identically in order to win some big prize. The woman got headphones on and the man was asked a bunch of questions, the last of which was: "Where did you last have sex". Wihtout blinking his -and no doubt keeping a considerable amount of prize money in mind- the guy answered: "On the kitchentable."

Then the woman got her headphones taken off and she got the same series of questions. She gave all the same answers as her husband and then came the last question: "Where did you last have sex." She blushed and hesitated. The quizmaster said "If you want to win, you'll have to answer. Your husband did!" The husband upped the pressure by saying "Just be honest, tell them the truth, I did!"

So, with a face red as a tomato, the woman answered: "In my arrse!" :oops:

Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week!
I'm afraid you've made that up - it was actually broadcast live on a yankee radio station a couple of years ago.

Was in several magazines at the time :p :p
 
#20
Fanbasher said:
Oh come on - its only effing thurday!! Need some humour today!

goodkurtz, you weren't sent to the CQMS for a "Long Wait" perchance?
No I wasn't.
But back in my old 'Spaz' mocking days I did send a few others. :D

('Spaz' rather than 'mong' was the word used in my time.)
 

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