Just How Much Did You Piss The Locals Off?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by dixie-basher, May 26, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Of course we go (or in my case, went) to various places around the world, takeover their pubs over and shag their women, but I’m talking about specific incidents.

    I was recently in a hotel bar in SE DR Congo, earlyish knock off so me and a couple of the other lads decided it was a good time to check out the hotel bar. A few beers later (anyone ever tried Tembo? :evil: ) I thought it would be funny to put my ciggy in the mouth of the wooden mask on the wall. This, apparently, was not a good move.


    Anyway, after a few threats, in French, from the locals and after taking the obligatory snaps I took the ciggy out. Following a 20 minute stand-off with the local punters and some serious looking local private security types that turned up, all was ok.

    Did you ever have a piss on a religious artifact? Maybe a dump on the penalty spot at the San Siro – just how much did you piss the locals off?

    Attached Files:

  2. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    If it was reverent a bit of kit, what was it doing hanging on a pub wall?
  3. I'm not saying it was reverent - just that it seemed to piss the local chaps off.
  4. I pissed on a War Memorial once, there were some on here that were frothing at the mouth, guess they could be seen as locals!

    FORMER_FYRDMAN LE Book Reviewer

    A Kara (Sikh bracelet) makes a first class bottle opener, just don't use it in Amritsar.
  6. Perhaps it was due to the smoking ban?
  7. Used to ring the H Block Information centre on the Falls Road and offered them job lots on U/S blankets, Izal toilet paper and various other cleaning products. The language of some people with no sense of humour was appalling. They said they would get me, but I'm still here!!
    • Like Like x 2
  8. Coming hack from a brewery trip to Hannen Alt We stopped off near Krefeld on the way back to Duss allsorts of ranks on board the bus I'm half pissed up on the back seat and therefore last off the bus. By the time I got off everyone was having a slash against a hedge before going to the pub for a few. So I joined in only for a rabid old frau to come out screaming with a bucket of water as it was her hedge being the last one to unzip I got part of the bucket over my leg. Fuck this I thought 2 can play your game so I pissed all over the ground at her feet and she got back splash over her shoes. Though nothing of it and staggered along to the local.

    Plod were called by this time I'd passed out on the floor one of the civie's with us was local and knew the plod told him what happened and offered to clean it up which resolved the problem only found out when I'd sobbered up in the bus :)

    Another time in Ibiza me and another lad throwing jonnies filled with tomato suace at degio moped riders
    • Like Like x 1
  9. a good few years back it was announced that a small raf camp in lincs was to close.
    in the papers next day the locals were saying good the raf never made any efforts to fit in village life (ie incest and sheep shagging) and the camp mums were all stuck up and above themself at the school gates etc etc.
    any way up comes a vist from hmp,"this will make a great open prison".
    the next day,the inbreeds are screaming how can they shut this treasue of a ww2 history,think of countrys defence etc etc.
    hopefully the mqs are now full of chavs and druggies,and eastern europeans.
  10. This the place? Morton Hall (HM Prison) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Looks as though your dreams came true...
  11. During the final days of the British Mandate in Palestine, soldiers from the 6th Airborne Division (and probably other units) had a habit of taunting locals, including holocaust survivors, by singing the Horst Wessel Lied.

    On a scale of 1 - 10 for 'pissing off the locals' that probably rated about 11.

    In fairness to the Toms, they were themselves subjected to intolerable provocations.
    • Like Like x 2
  12. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    Leaving the office with my Boss in Dortmund at 01:00 one feckin freezin snowy morning. Polizei decided we look dodgy and smelt of Bier. Cpt. HD opens his fat Nirn gob and we get the third degree. Being extremely fluent(ish) in German I addressed the nastiest of the cops with a "Du" instead of a "Sie" and got a warning. Meanwhile Cpt. HD is doing a "MoifeckinDaflewoverheretaeliburateyoubastahdsandgetridofMadalfHeatlump" etc. Messy.

    Nicking stuff.... everywhere. A bottle of Drambuie in a restaurant in Cyprus, assorted signs from crap motorway stations and getting chased, a lobster (live) in France from a market, telling a poncey UN Italian - one of those with a huge feathery thing in his beret - that "Tu Madres es un Puta" (SPELLING!)

    Taking the missus to C&A in Germany to get pants and vests for our two year old. Ignored by staff who served only card carrying Nazis until I did my best German of "Ich bin der Kunde, Sie verdienen ihre belohnung von mir! SOFORT!" (I'm the client you earn your wage from me). It really pissed her off, but worked feckin wonders.

    Set off a smokey in the Royal Oak(?) in York 'cos the locals were typical Yorkshiremen. We managed to finish our Pints in the fog you'll be delighted to know.

    On a visit to Bloomington, Indiana, I was over-refreshed and was asked by some National Guard bloke at a reception how I liked America. "It's beautiful.... just full of Americans though." Bloke didn't see the funny side.

    .... more to come I'm sure
  13. It's very bad juju to stick a fag end, or anything else into a wooden fetisch mask, local tradition states that anyone who even considers this hienous action is cursed, his children will all be born blind and toothless and walk backwards and he himself will be banished to stalk the shadows of the world telling lies for the rest of his life....

    But then your quite safe as your "wooden" mask is quite clearly made of beaten copper and you just made it all up!
  14. seaweed

    seaweed LE Book Reviewer

    I've run this before but it may fit with ND's reminiscences ..

    Dit from a brother officer who had been serving in the old HMS Bulwark in 1968 ish and was boned to be Officer of the Patrol one night in Hamburg. Patrol are invited to hop in their Land Rover and nip along to a bar where, it is alleged, one of HM's finest sailors has upset the locals.

    Turns out Jack had entered the bar, the sort with a spotlight on a tiny dance floor and tables set around it. Cast his hat into the centre of the spot and askes, rather loudly,

    "Right, which of you Jew-burning bastards is going to buy me a beer?"
    • Like Like x 2
  15. LancePrivateJones

    LancePrivateJones LE Book Reviewer

    Got captured fondling the tits of a Greek Goddess in the Old Acropolis Museum in Athens.
    In all fairness she was a statue.
    Got a huge bollocking off one of the female museum staff and I mean huge, every fucker heard it.
    Oddly enough the bollocking was given in excellent English despite me saying nowt.
    • Like Like x 5