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Just got beat up by the wife

#1
Just started a major firestorm in my house after I mentioned to my old lady that one of my Exes used to burn the eggs. This was all done in the spirit of complimenting Mrs. DD for her culinary skills.

She swung a skillet at me and accused me of of still being "in love with that bitch."

I in turn accused her of being unreasonable, at which point she proceeded to pummel me in the face with the TV remote.

What to do?
 
#10
Continuing from the above

Duck & Cover :lol:

Hide all the sharp objects in the house


from her point of view you were in the wrong from the point of your own conception :wink:


edited for mongtype
 
#11
First thing i would do is check between my legs for a set of balls....

How could you let your relationship get to a point where she would dare even make eye contact let alone raise a hand to you....

and what in the name of all that is holy was the television remote doing out of your hand? were you taught nothing as a child?

This sort of behaviour undermines what is wrong with todays society... it starts with not dishing out daily doses of ubertanked up beer fuelled violence to the wife and before you know it the very fabric of society is falling apart.

You dress wearing homo, grow a set and get in there, shove her head in the hot pan, and remind her of the man she once loved through swollen eyes.
 
#12
What the fcuk, grow a set of bollox and show the tart whose boss. Remind her she has 3 purposes in life, Fcuking, Cooking and Cleaning and anything else is a bonus for which SHE should be forever grateful to you for.

Take no crap, shove her head down bog and teach her some manners, then go and get p*ssed whilst she does the Sunday roast.
 
#13
shortfuse said:
First thing i would do is check between my legs for a set of balls....

How could you let your relationship get to a point where she would dare even make eye contact let alone raise a hand to you....

and what in the name of all that is holy was the television remote doing out of your hand? were you taught nothing as a child?

This sort of behaviour undermines what is wrong with todays society... it starts with not dishing out daily doses of ubertanked up beer fuelled violence to the wife and before you know it the very fabric of society is falling apart.

You dress wearing homo, grow a set and get in there, shove her head in the hot pan, and remind her of the man she once loved through swollen eyes.
I just threatened to call the police on her. She in turn called me a pussy. If the situation does not change in the next ten minutes, I will be eligible for parole in 30 years.
 

Schaden

LE
Book Reviewer
#14
State that this is all very silly, that you adore her and institute makeup sex - shag her brains out and include an anal adventure which at least you will enjoy while getting your own back for the skilet episode.

PS Hope the remote is ok.
 
#15
Devil_Dog said:
Just started a major firestorm in my house after I mentioned to my old lady that one of my Exes used to burn the eggs. This was all done in the spirit of complimenting Mrs. DD for her culinary skills.

She swung a skillet at me and accused me of of still being "in love with that bitch."

I in turn accused her of being unreasonable, at which point she proceeded to pummel me in the face with the TV remote.

What to do?
Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 12:08 pm Post subject: Re: Just got beat up by the wife

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I just threatened to call the police on her. She in turn called me a pussy. If the situation does not change in the next ten minutes, I will be eligible for parole in 30 years

Good thinking

get your defence of provocation / self defence all set up,

turn to the soon to be departed

tell her your ex hit better than that

and her moustache wasnt as prominent

open the windows for the neighbours to hear her screaming abuse at you

take 2 more (no more than 2) punches to your head

then help her see the great white light and reunite her with her ancestors
 
#16
You "threatended to call the police on her"

Right there I've just heard the death knell of mankind.

What sort of bloke sub-contracts his domestic discipline, to a bunch of wet blankets like the old bill?

What will they do, threaten to make her go to the naughty step?

and the fact she didn't only get out "Pus..." before you right crossed her to the deck and towered over her with barely contained rage and "balled fists of love" marks you down as a closet gayer.

An Englishmans home is his castle and it's his god given right to instill discipline within those walls, as the famous quotation by the only member of the British monarchy I had even the slightest regard for (Henry the VIII)
goes....

"privvy thee to bequest that your lord needs another queen, for this one hath proved tiresome to the point where a goodly casual braying will ne'er do, and i feel the only way to stop that chattling tongue be to depart its f ucking cakehole from its neck forthwith....... the slag"

History.... you can reach out and touch it.
 
#17
Schaden,
The remote is ok (thank God.) My attempted incursion in to her anal world ended up in a barrage of abuse and insults. I will not be surprised when my neighbors start calling me "Wrong Hole man."

By the way, this all comes about after I ingested some Viagra... It's starting to tingle and I rue my recklessness. Sooner or late, I'll be hard as a rock. Should I head for the red light district?
 
#20
shortfuse said:
Benny687 said:
after a nice little domestic with my girlfriend last evening, this thread has cheered me right the feck up :-D

cheers lads

ben
I hope she's stll in hospital counting the ways you love her?
fuck knows, i left her in town bawling her eyes out with a dead arm and one shoe.
 

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