Just got beat up by the wife

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Devil_Dog, Aug 26, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Just started a major firestorm in my house after I mentioned to my old lady that one of my Exes used to burn the eggs. This was all done in the spirit of complimenting Mrs. DD for her culinary skills.

    She swung a skillet at me and accused me of of still being "in love with that bitch."

    I in turn accused her of being unreasonable, at which point she proceeded to pummel me in the face with the TV remote.

    What to do?
  2. Check the TV remote still works!
  3. How was the breakfast after that?????
    Did she she burn the eggs also to help with your nostalgia????
  4. Whatever you do, don't say that you didn't mind her burnin the eggs cos she could suck a Malteser through a straw.........
  5. Check the calendar and look for marks.
  6. Punch her phucking lights out.....
  7. Tell her that's not how the ex swung the skillet.
  8. Get down the pub where you should be on a Sunday lunchtime.
  9. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Good job the eggs were'nt poached or boiled!
  10. Continuing from the above

    Duck & Cover :lol:

    Hide all the sharp objects in the house

    from her point of view you were in the wrong from the point of your own conception :wink:

    edited for mongtype
  11. First thing i would do is check between my legs for a set of balls....

    How could you let your relationship get to a point where she would dare even make eye contact let alone raise a hand to you....

    and what in the name of all that is holy was the television remote doing out of your hand? were you taught nothing as a child?

    This sort of behaviour undermines what is wrong with todays society... it starts with not dishing out daily doses of ubertanked up beer fuelled violence to the wife and before you know it the very fabric of society is falling apart.

    You dress wearing homo, grow a set and get in there, shove her head in the hot pan, and remind her of the man she once loved through swollen eyes.
  12. What the fcuk, grow a set of bollox and show the tart whose boss. Remind her she has 3 purposes in life, Fcuking, Cooking and Cleaning and anything else is a bonus for which SHE should be forever grateful to you for.

    Take no crap, shove her head down bog and teach her some manners, then go and get p*ssed whilst she does the Sunday roast.
  13. I just threatened to call the police on her. She in turn called me a pussy. If the situation does not change in the next ten minutes, I will be eligible for parole in 30 years.
  14. Schaden

    Schaden LE Book Reviewer

    State that this is all very silly, that you adore her and institute makeup sex - shag her brains out and include an anal adventure which at least you will enjoy while getting your own back for the skilet episode.

    PS Hope the remote is ok.

  15. Good thinking

    get your defence of provocation / self defence all set up,

    turn to the soon to be departed

    tell her your ex hit better than that

    and her moustache wasnt as prominent

    open the windows for the neighbours to hear her screaming abuse at you

    take 2 more (no more than 2) punches to your head

    then help her see the great white light and reunite her with her ancestors