Just for fun II

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta's,
his little face lit up when he tried to walk..
Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful bleeders.
All I said was, ' For fuck's sake hurry up, some of us have got homes to go to!'

Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!'
Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead Beatle for the last thirty years.
My wife just rang to say Gavin from auto glass has just been and injected his resin into her crack. I'm not normally suspicious, but I've got the f*King car!!!

Says... If u had sex every day for a year, kept all 365 condoms, melted 'em down & made a tire out of the rubber, what would u call it?... A FUCKING GOODYEAR

Man says to woman in a bar,"You're like my little toe" "Why? Because I'm small and cute?" "No, cos I'm gonna end up banging you on the coffee table"
Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.
I woke this morning with a huge correction.

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