Just for fun II

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Monty417, Dec 15, 2011.

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  1. My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta's,
    his little face lit up when he tried to walk..
    Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.

    I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful bleeders.
    All I said was, ' For fuck's sake hurry up, some of us have got homes to go to!'

    Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!'
    Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead Beatle for the last thirty years.
    • Like Like x 1
  2. My wife just rang to say Gavin from auto glass has just been and injected his resin into her crack. I'm not normally suspicious, but I've got the f*King car!!!

    Says... If u had sex every day for a year, kept all 365 condoms, melted 'em down & made a tire out of the rubber, what would u call it?... A FUCKING GOODYEAR

    Man says to woman in a bar,"You're like my little toe" "Why? Because I'm small and cute?" "No, cos I'm gonna end up banging you on the coffee table"
  3. Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.
    I woke this morning with a huge correction.