Just for Friday

#1
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
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... The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,
so I did....... she's 21 and her name's Tracy.
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The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops.... although, they do make me look a bit gay.
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Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Perth Royal
Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same caliber."
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Q: What's the difference between a blond and a brick?
A: The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
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Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend...
Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent,
Trustworthy, Sensible.
Or in other words........... B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
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Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in.
Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick.
It's great though. It does everything -
KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.."
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The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me
because she can't afford batteries.
:eye:
 
#2
I will of course steal these, and smugly claim them for my own in the bar later. Very good! :)
 
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