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Just call me Swampy

Oh the shame! Last night I swamped the marital bed...oh well shit happens....and apparently piss too. I cannot recall if I've gone into detail about soldier B, my brother in law, and his dirty nurse, soon to be ex-, wife. In any event I took him out on the lash last night. Many, many pints were drunk and we actually played "The Green Fields of France" fourteen times on the pub juke-box. He's a fenian and I just like the song and when drunk these things happen...

After much boozing and my sharing the interesting news I got when I went to the pub on Thursday with him, we set off for home. Thursday night by the way I went into a boozer I seldom use and was doing the gray man thing when two geezers started talking about soldier B's wife and divorce at the bar. I was gob-smacked but listened in...very interesting it was too. We know about three players but there are apparently several more to consider too...

Anyway, got home..put him to bed and then I remember nothing until 0500 when Mrs Cuddles rousted me and made me get the spare spare duvet and remake the bed due to said swamping. I thought those days were gone but apparently they are still to come because one swamp leads to others!
Lateley my dreams always have an aspect of me trying to unleash my golden rain. Twice this week i have woken up in the nick of time to hold back the amber onslaught! Does anyone know where i can get man size pampers?
I wouldnt worry about it cuddles, she is with you because your you, and swamping is part of a squaddie tradition, lord knows i have done it in the past, never with anyone actually in the bed though.
I do remember one night in the block my mate climb out his pit space after we had been on the lash, turning round swamping his bed then climbing back into it, then swearing he had spilt lucazde (or however its spelt) in the night when he was thirsty.
Creating a paddling pool out of your mattress is a fact of life after a night of drinking a town dry, she will get over , just say to her you dont mind if she does it, who know it might lead onto goldern showers and other water sport fun

Fess up, it was not to 3 pints of larger shandy that caused you're relapse, but rather rapidly advancing old age, first its the incontinence, then its there...................................................feck where was i :oops: :lol:


Ps, just be grateful there was no solids, pebble dashing the matrimonial bed is a stinking big no no :roll:

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