Jumping the ATM Queue?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by JoeCivvie, Nov 28, 2012.

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  1. I was having a really bad day yesterday. I had to get some dosh out, so I went to the ATM and I was 3rd in the queue. I could see people in the queues wither side of me with their cards in their hands, ready - even some of the women. Except for the silly tart in from of me.

    She got to the ATM, put down the magazine on the machine, then went to start rooting around in her handbag to get her purse to get her ATM card - FFS SAKE!

    I leaned over, said, sorry, I'm not waiting, you should have had your card ready, put my on card in and got some cash out.

    I believe I was right - any comments?
  2. For fuck's sake sake???

    And no, unless she was a right munter. Maybe she was having a bad day too, and was so distracted by the whinging,sighing turd behind her she forgot to get her card out until arriving at the machine.

    No offence, just saying like. :)

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  3. Are you American? It's Cash Machine where I come from. Anyway I would have waited maybe tutted a bit then just cracked on after her. Bit rude what you did there.
  4. No you should have waited until her cash was dispensed, then distracted her by saying "Ooooo look at those shoes in that magazine", lifted the cash and done a runner.

    At least it wasn't as bad as the old goat in front of me yesterday;

    Fumble around in wallett for debit card,
    Fumble around in pockets for post-it note with PIN written on it
    Check balance (on screen), tuts and shakes head
    Request balance slip, read it, tut and shake head more
    Request mini statement, identify discrepancy, nod head
    Take out a tenner.

    After he'd gone I noticed he'd left the balance slip behind. I had a quick look - over £1500 in credit!!
  5. But women do it all the time at the check out, there I am, in the queue behind a woman with my card ready in my hand. She unloads her trolley onto the belt, fills bags and puts it all back in the trolley, all fine so far. The cashier finishes putting stuff through and then looks at the woman, the woman looks back, the cashier says "£68.56, do you want cashback," the woman looks at her and says "pardon." the cashier repeats her request, the woman looks around the supermarket as if she has just realised where she is, now she says "what?" The cashier holds out her hand and says, "will you be paying by card or cash madame?" the woman looks aghast as if the cashier has asked if she can shit in her handbag, the cashier repeats it again, suddenly a look of revelation comes over the woman's face, rather like a ray of sunshine has suddenly alighted upon her, "Oh" she says, "you want paying," and starts to rummage in her giant handbag which looks as if it was fashioned from two elephants ears stitched together, she starts muttering while looking up at the ceiling, I can hear snatches of her muttering. "Its in here somewhere, I'm sure I brought it out, now where is that purse" all said while staring at the ceiling, staring anywhere but in the feckin bag itself. Suddenly a yelp of triumph as she pulls a purse from the bag and the whole bleedin process starts again as she searches for a card. Do you know what? I got pissed off waiting behind her and now I'm getting pissed of again writing about it, probably as pissed off as you are reading it, so I'll stop, have a nice day.
    • Like Like x 3
  6. Well Joe if you are Regular serving soldier in December you are allowed to jump any ATM machine if you show your MOD90 (windmilling of civvies is allowed), obviously this is to cut down the wait in getting your £2000 Xmas bonus. From the JPA Gurus this service is available from 3rd December 2012 on folowing the onscreen instructions then just inserting your MOD90 and typing in your full Regimental number, you will get your money plus a voucher from TESCO's for your turkey that can be collected on 21st December. Any problems just phone JPAC
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Shame I'm in the PLA in Hong Kong.
  8. I do hope that is a freephone number?
  9. Just type in your regimental number backwards if in a foreign Country.
    • Like Like x 1
  10. I almost got mauled on a night out when stood at a cash point. Taxi pulled up next to it, some fat bitch and her friend get out, probably tanked up with lambrini or whatever swill they were drinking, and push infront of me bellowing "I'm next".

    The only thing I could say was "don't worry love, I'm not about to argue with somebody of your size."

    Made a speedy exit. Bitch tried to chase me but didn't get very far, seemingly the stumps on which she operates are not the most mobile of devices.
    • Like Like x 2
  11. Years ago I used to fill up ATMs and my favourites were the ones in brick enclosures. The door was at the back so the customers wouldn't know anyone was inside and we'd wait 'til some impatient looking cunt was about to get his turn and switch it off just before he put his card in. Friday afternoons was a speciality.
  12. Many moons ago in a foreign land, I was queuing up for some late night takeaway scran at a kebab type establishment.

    I was 2nd in a queue of about 10 other lashed up chaps and nearly delirious with post drinking munchies when all of a sudden a large Mediterranean type bloke sauntered to the front of the queue and conversed in foreign speak with the food server.

    Obviously as a British subject, I was under the impression that I was the only person who could speak English in this foreign land and stated loudly "yeah, just jump the queue you spic cunt".

    "Spic cunt" then turned around and shouted "I know what cunt means!", before launching a very accurate haymaker to my left temple.

    I crumpled quicker than a STAB on a physical test and the shame still haunts me to this day.

    Incidentally, as I later discovered, the haymaker provider was also the owner of the takeaway.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Badger_Heed; Your integrity is spotless my friend. Personally I would go with him launching a Haymaker at me, blocking it and doing a Chuck Norris on him, but kudos for the truth.
  14. Tch! Women eh? What are they like?