Juicy quotes

Further to the earlier topic of made up words.  Has anyone any recollection of some really 'interesting' quotes from JCSC so far?
'Smokey poles' has come up a few times and I seem to remember one DS telling the cse that he would soon 'let us loose on his equipment' and to see if we could 'try to rip the knobs off'.  
...or perhaps it's just the way my mind works.


During question time at the end of a wise and sincere lecture given by a certain member of the General Staff, a student asked "Since homosexuality was about to be made legal in the Armed Services, should he sleep his way to the top?".... After much intake of breath by the DS, the General focused hard on the unwavering individual and replied......." You're not my type!" FANTASTIC!
OK, so this is a second hand story.

After a very dull and long lecture on the AGC by some very senior AGC ofiicers including a brigadier the summary was.....

"...and that ladies and gentlemen is the role of the moern AGC.'

One remarkably alert member of the bored audience piped up from the back...


Chaos ensued.
I didn't think that JCSC stayed awake/sober for long enough to remember any juicy quotes 8) ;D

happiness is 500ft down in a force 10
A poor Scaleyback major was about to give a lecture on CNR in the corps rear area and realising that he was batting on a losing wicket turned the lights out "to allow those of you who wish to go to sleep to do so".  

At which a bored Cav voice in the centre of the room sounded off  with " Do you mind I'm reading a book" ;D
There's the REME Coy Comd at Sandhurst who thought his Cadets referred to him as the 'biggest tool in the box' because they like him.
There was the individual who thought he was referred to as ten gauge because he had the properties of a shotgun......The Army Metal Workers Handbook describes ten gauge as being very thick and difficult to work with.
Or indeed the SO1 DS at RMCS a few years ago known as Colonel Leatherman.

The Leatherman was advertised at the time as 'The complete tool' ;D ;D ;D
My first Commanding Officer was known as Thrush because he was an irritating c**t.

Probably not much relevance to this thread but he must have gone to JCSC at some point. Tenuous link but he really did annoy the crap out of me. :mad: :mad: :mad:

Much happier now ;D
The Second in Command of a Sapper Regt in Kosovo was nicknamed Hesco Bastion by the lads, as he too was full of shit and very difficult to get rid off.   ;D
RMAS 1988. Director of TA espouses the importance of the Terriers to a receptive SMC. During questions Officer Cadet A asks the Colonel "Sir what does STAB mean?" Colonel replies "I am not sure what that acronym means, can any of our ex-TA audience enlighten us?" Officer cadet B replies "Yes Sir, it means Stupid TA Bastard" ... Much rifting and bumpering of Guardroom ceilings followed ...
You've probably heard them already, but this is the place.........

Throm(bosis) - he was a slow moving clot.

Wedge - the simplest tool known to man.

SPIN - Shortest Pr!ck in NATO.

Johnny-Two-Sheds - if you had a garden shed, he had two - if you had a p!$$ on the hard shoulder, he'd had a $h!t in the fast lane.
Following one particularly dull lecture just before finishing for a much needed weekend, the civilian lecturer asked if there were any questions.

Silence ensued ........................

Lecturer "Look, I'm not in a rush and you can all sit here until someone asks a question."

Pause followed by hand raised from centre of audience.

Lecturer (clearly excited by the interest shown) "Yes , you there, what is your question?"

Student "Can we go home now?" 8O


One presentation had the famous slide

"If you don't know who the course Knob is by now..
One TA JSC many years ago we had the most pompous old fart as DS. He started with the words I don't like the TA, always one to endear a DS to his students and treat the whole group as if we were lepers.

During one of his rants he expressed the view that in his Regiment, the officers always wore black tie for dinner. One officer fixed him with a steely look and asked "Do you mean there are regiments that don't".
I have heard that the RAF distance learning version of JCSC has 1 or 2 week central lectures during which the following happened.

English Professor: (Droning and pratteling on about english) In english if you use a positive and negative in the same sentance it becomes negative, two negatives it becomes positive etc... BUT in no language in world will two positives in the same sentance make it negative.

Voice from the back- Yeah, Right!

Chaos ensued, student is master!
Mr_C_Hinecap said:
Johnny-Two-Sheds - if you had a garden shed, he had two - if you had a p!$$ on the hard shoulder, he'd had a $h!t in the fast lane.
One of my lads is nicknamed "Tumour". If you've got a headache, he's got a tumour.

And one of my NCOs in NI was called Twelverife. If you've been to Tenerife, he's been to Twelverife. Lovely lad but with a head full of broken eggs!


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