Jolly Japes at a dining in

anyone care to share any tricks that have been played on fellow diners?

I've seen the cutlery tied together, hole drilled in the wine glass, legs sawn off the chair and cushion precariously balanced....

anyone got anything original?

can you tell the silly season for dinners is upon us again ;D


Flour in the napkins, great result when unfolded onto mess dress trousers. Even better when the recipient is one of those that violently shakes his napkin. ;D
Ref the flour - here is new wrinkle on an old favourite.  Procure some party poppers, remove the cardboard wad, remove the streamers, fill with flour or talc, replace wad.  Affix securely to bottom of dining table in front of victim with large amounts of tape, lengthen the cord so that it can be initiated easily by the person sitting opposite.  One sharp tug later and the new subaltern will be obscured by a cloud of white dust and his mess dress instantly transformed.  You can even prepare a battery of them beside each other and have fun thinking up new and exciting fillings!   ;D
Prior to one dinner,  :eek: I managed to procure a pair of ladies knickers from one of the guests after she had carelessly "discarded" them during pre-dinner nuptuals. ;D

Imagine the look on her (and her partners) face when they appeared in an envelope, on her chair, just after grace.  :-X

As it was her first time in the mess, she thought it was going to be a welcome card...................the rest, is history.........................priceless

All the best

Red Ken.

PS-You must be pretty certain the partner will see the funny side......eventually!! ;D
The old mobile phone under chair gag works too....

How about writing "L" and "R" on the adjts boots in tippex whilst under the table!!!  That served him right for giving me a shoeing whilst I was on the way past - worth every extra too!!!
A good sturdy climbing rope attached to chairs on opposite sides of the table. Need about 4 or 5 inches of slack, so that the first person to pull their chair out can get a bit of momentum into it.  Then the battle begins....


A small camera, slid under the hemline of the ladies dresses produces interesting photos that can be used later for an ID parade of gussets (or whatever)
Have meal of the diner of your choice deep frozen. Ask the chef to pass a blowtorch over the meal when the time comes for his meal to be served.

Oh how we laughed when the cutlery clanked against the solid gravy.

Try 'fablon'ing a nice tasteless porno pic under the place mat of Mr Vice or the Adjt. Imagine their faces when the placemat is removed.

One of the best ones I saw was when Mr Vice had all his wine glasses replaced with pint glasses. The loyal toast was done with a pint barrell with handle.
Cling film across the urinals, so that as the Mess Pres & guest of honour dive out to get relief first, they get some of their own back
Dental anaesthetic paste smeared on cutlery / glasses thus inducing 'lip stall' in mr Vice! ;D

Alternatively, low grade explosives attached to the table legs, detonated at a suitable point leaving a Japanese style dining suite. :)
Subbie at his dining was primed before dinner by the Adjt that he was required to make a 'thank you' speech prior to the loyal toast. Table went quiet as he stood up and began 'Colonel, gentlemen I would just like to thank you all for being here at my dining in.....' Obviously he stopped what was clearly going to be a well thought out and heart felt speech as the whole table erupted in laughter.
Oldie but goldie.

Best for someone's dining out.

Laminated porn pics under the starter and arrange it so that the it's an attractive female (if target is male) member of the staff that lifts their starter once he's finished. Have her primed to be really shocked.

Bribe Mess Committee/Pres to make sure you're sat nearby for maximum enjoyment.
A little 'Colon Blow' chilli sauce, artfully concealed within the target's starter can be amusing.

A drop of superglue on a decanter stopper will result in the victim attempting to disguise a heroic tussle with the offending glassware. Hint: don't use decent port/decanter.


Red food dye in the port can produce great results.

Did hear a great story once:

Young Subbie sat next to the CO's wife at dinner. She keeps playing footsie and touching his leg. She is a stunner. Evetually after dinner she intices him upstairs and they start getting it on. The CO catches them and all hell breaks loose.

The next morning the Subbie reappears and the only seat at breakfast is next to the CO.

All burst out laughting after a few minutes - the Mess had hired a prostitute to play the CO's wife and set the young lad up!

True or not a jolly one.
The old 2 part fire extinguishers we good for a laugh.

Place part A in the bowl and part B in the cistern. when flushed they mix and you get foam evey where.

When I was dined in in Germany the other mess members did a great change of roles routine including the CO as the bar man. Needless to say he had some interesting comments for us when he interviewed us the next morning.
Those remote control fart machines are great.

Strap them under the Padres seat with a bit of black and nasty, wait for a bit of silence and let rip!!!

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