Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Pithouse, Jul 9, 2010.

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  1. Since our Jokes page got removed do people want to post them below!!
  2. At least I left a crappy joke when I tried to start this thread. Obviously the time wasn't right, maybe it might take off.
  3. Heard about the dyslexic footy supporter who got arrested in South Africa. He was caught trying to blow into a Zulu's vulva. Boom boom. :)

    edited for completely mong spelling.
  4. Three RMPs go into a bar: A lance-corporal, a sergeant and a lieutenant. They get a couple of bottles in and the lance's turns out to have a genie in it. The Genie turns to them and says:

    'A thousand thanks for releasing me, Masters! I will grant you one wish each in return.'

    The lance thinks about it for a minute and says: 'I want to be in the Bahamas with a million quid.'

    POOF! He's there

    Sergeant spends no time thinking about it: 'I want to be in Barbados with a billion quid!'

    POOF! He's there

    The Genie turns around to the miserable looking Lt who says:

    'I want those two back at work on Monday.'
  5. Two social workers walked down a street and saw a stab victim lying in the gutter bleeding. The first social worker said "the person that did this really needs our help"
  6. What is the difference between a vuvuzela and a woman?

    The one is an irritating, monotonous, continuous droning in your ear the whole fcuking time.
    The other is a plastic trumpet used by S African football fans.
  7. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

  8. Just got the French version of Call of Duty, it loads up fine as far as the Menu page, but the only option i get is "Quit"
  9. When do you know pikeys have moved into your area?

    All the east europeans rush off to get their cars insured......
  10. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

  11. I saw this homeless bloke in a doorway, surrounded by all his belongings in ten carrier bags.........

    He asked me for a quid, but you know it'll only go on one thing.

    A trolley.
  12. Centuries ago, having a moat around your village made people feel safe...............
  13. In the wake of Britains fattest woman shuffling off to the the big KFC in the sky, I submit this:

    A woman goes into the doctors and asks,

    'Doctor, whats the quickest and easiest exercise I can do to lose weight?'

    The doctor looks her up and down, scratches his chin and nods in a display of understanding and concern. He then looks up at the woman and says,

    'Ok, I think the best thing for you at the moment is to simply shake you head from side to side'

    'Oh really?' says the woman. 'That sounds easy, how often should I do that doctor?'

    'Every time you're offered food you fat cunt' says the doctor.

    A taxi? For me? Why thankyou.
  14. There was a general strike in Greece last week.

    The Police were nowhere to be seen, buses, planes and trains ran irregularly and there were hardly any taxis.

    No banks or post offices and very few shops were open, and the staff in those that did open were unhelpful and surly.

    A local news crew were interviewing the locals on their views and one replied, when asked his opinion;

    "There's a strike on?"
  15. X59

    X59 LE

    The family of 'Hurrricane' Higgins have complained about him being buried in the same plot as an african, a pakistani and a chinaman.
    A spokesman said "We think it's totally unacceptable, he's gonna be completely snookered behind the yellow, brown and black...."