JOKES

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by canteen_cowboy, Jan 22, 2005.

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  1. jokes go into the tall stories forum :cry:
     
  2. What if they're one liners?
     
  3. A long time ago, there was the horse name White Horse. Since he was born, all White Horse wanted to be was a racing horse. He worked and worked his entire life to be the best racing horse he could. After a few years, he got his shot. He was taken to the best racing track in all of America. As he was being led through the stable to his new home, he passed by another horse, named Black Horse. White Horse looked at Black Horse and said, “Hi, I’m White Horse. It looks like we’ll be racing together!” Black Horse didn’t say anything. White Horse didn’t let it bother him and went to his stable. Before the first race, White Horse worked and worked to get in shape for the race. When the day of the race came, he was in great shape. White Horse was led into his gate, which was right next to Black Horse. White Horse said, “Hey, good luck Black Horse.” Black Horse didn’t even flinch. White Horse was bothered but he didn’t want his focus to waver, so he brushed it off.

    The horses get set. The gun fires, and they’re off. White Horse gets way out in front, he’s way ahead of everyone else. But about 20 meters before the finish, Black Horse kicks it into gear and smokes White Horse. Black Horse wins.

    White Horse is disappointed, and as he walks by the winner’s circle, he yells to Black Horse, “Hey good job Black Horse.” Black Horse nods to White Horse.

    The next week, White Horse works his tail off to get in even better shape for the next race. When the day of the race comes, White Horse takes his place next to Black Horse. White Horse again says “Hey, good luck Black Horse.” Black Horse says, “Yeah, uh, you too.”

    The horses get set. The gun fires, and they’re off. White Horse gets way out in front, he’s way ahead of everyone else. But about 15 meters before the finish, Black Horse kicks it into gear and smokes White Horse. Black Horse wins.

    White Horse is pissed, he’s already 0-2. But as he walks by the winner’s circle, he yells to Black Horse, “Hey good job Black Horse.” Black Horse says “Thanks.”

    The next week, White Horse works his tail off to get in EVEN BETTER shape for the next race. When the day of the race comes, White Horse takes his place next to Black Horse. White Horse again says “Hey, good luck Black Horse.” Black Horse says, “You too, White Horse.”

    The horses get set. The gun fires, and they’re off. White Horse gets way out in front, he’s way ahead of everyone else. But about 10 meters before the finish, Black Horse kicks it into gear and smokes White Horse. Black Horse wins.

    White Horse is crushed. He can’t understand it. He runs back to his stable and starts crying. Well about this time, a little dog walks by called Little Dog. Little Dog says, “White Horse, what’s wrong?” White Horse says, “I just can’t win. I’m not good enough.” Little Dog says, “Don’t worry about it. Tomorrow, we’ll work harder than you have ever worked before.”

    The next day, Little Dog and White Horse BUST ASS. I mean, Rocky-style training. White Horse is in the best shape of his life. When the day of the race comes, White Horse takes his place next to Black Horse. White Horse again says “Hey, good luck Black Horse.” Black Horse says, “You too, White Horse. Don’t hurt yourself”

    The horses get set. The gun fires, and they’re off. White Horse gets way out in front, he’s way ahead of everyone else. But about 5 meters before the finish, Black Horse kicks it into gear and smokes White Horse. Black Horse wins.

    White Horse is devastated. He doesn’t understand how he lost. So he goes to the doctor to check him out. They do all sorts of tests and such. After a few hours, the doctor comes back and says, “White Horse, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you have cancer. You have about a week to live.” White Horse is just flabbergasted. He goes back to his stable and starts crying. Little Dog comes up and says, “White Horse, what’s wrong?” White Horse stammers out, “I have….cancer. All I want to do is win ONE race before I die.” Little Dog is crushed. He says, “White Horse, don’t worry, I have a feeling you’ll win the next race. Let’s go train and get you in even better shape.”

    The night before the race, Little Dog writes an anonymous letter to Black Horse. It reads: “Black Horse, White Horse has cancer. Let him win.” Little Dog then slips the letter in Black Horse’s stable.

    When the day of the race comes, White Horse takes his place next to Black Horse. White Horse again says “Hey, good luck Black Horse.” Black Horse says, “You too, White Horse. I’m sure you’ll do great.”

    The horses get set. The gun fires, and they’re off. White Horse gets way out in front, he’s way ahead of everyone else. But about 1 meter before the finish, Black Horse kicks it into gear and smokes White Horse. Black Horse wins.

    White Horse just falls down and dies right on the track.

    Little Dog, seeing this, runs right up to Black Horse and says, “Black Horse, what the fuck did you do?!?! I fucking told you White Horse had cancer!!! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BEAT HIM???”


    Black Horse looks down and says, “Holy shit, a talking dog!!”
     
  4. a drunken guy is stumbling through a forest trying his hardest to get home when he stumbles across a priest by a lake, the priest takes a look at him and grabs him shouting " under the watchful eyes of the lord i will clense your soul and help you find christ to lead you away from this sin they call alcohol" with this he proceeded to dunk the drunken lout under the water."HAVE YOU FOUNDS CHRIST YET MY SON? FIND CHRIST!" after 10 seconds the priest lifts the guys head out of the water "HAVE YOU FOUND CHRIST YET MY CHILD", the drunken man splutters "no not yet father", so the priest dunks his head back under the water but this time holds him down for 20 seconds, lifts the wasted guys head out "HAVE YOU FOUND CHRIST YET MY SON" the lout splutters again"no not yet father". by this time the priest is getting quite upset and holds the drunken mans head under the water again but this time for 30 seconds "FIND CHRIST MY CHILD, FIND HIM HE WILL GUIDE YOU, FIND CHRIST" he lifts the bladdered man back up out of the water and screamed"HAVE YOU FOUND CHRIST YET, TELL ME YOU'VE FOUND HIM" the wet cold drunk looks up "sorry father i havn't found him are you sure this is where he fell in"
     
  5. At present watching toon army concert, wonder if the Manics will do their toon army song? with pics..........oh no wait, they are singing about the sun. Bugger :lol:
     
  6. WOW !!!! AdanR, what a great joke, how I would have laughed if I was 8.

    Now fcuk off to Kiddies Korner with your can of pop and a packet of crisps - there's a good lad. .
     
  7. never fails to get a response from the kindagarten
     
  8. i thank you.