Jokes for Friday

#1
It's boring and it's Friday and I'm counting down til home time. Here's a joke In a train carriage

In a train carriage there was an Englishman, a Frenchman, a spectacular
looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several
minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel,
and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel,
the Frenchman had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

The blonde thought That French son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must
have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face"

The fat lady thought - "This dirty old Frenchman laid his hands on the
blonde and she smacked him".

The Frenchman thought - "That f***ing Englishman put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me".

The Englishman thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can
smack that French tw@t again". :lol:



:
 
#3
Young man at the supermarket checkout. He’s got a carton of brown eggs, a packet of bacon, a slab of lager and some frozen peas.

Girl on the checkout looks at his purchases, looks at him and says;

You’re not married are you?’

The young man is a bit taken aback, but recovers and says; ‘Well, as it happens no, but how did you know?’

‘Cos you’re an ugly b@stard’.
 
#4
Today is Veterans Day in the U.S. and Remembrance Day in Canada, a day to honor those brave men and women who've served in the armed forces, those who've been willing to give up their own freedom and walk around with funny haircuts, and even to fight and die for their country.


For all those veterans, it's a special day that just makes you want to run right out and spit-shine a drill sergeant.
 
#5
sean connery had fallen on hard times. his work had totally dried up. then one day, out the blue his agent rings and says "hey sean, great news i have a job for you. starts tomorrow, but you gotta be there early.. be there 10ish"

sean frowned and replied "10ish??? but i don't even have a raquet!"


i'll get my coat
 
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