Joke on Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by George_Boots, Nov 19, 2008.

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  1. So, this has been bothering me for a few years now.

    Towards the end of the film, Jason Statham and the rest of the "nice" villains are driving and in usual Guy Ritchie style the film cuts between about 3 different scenes. It cuts back to the nice villains and Stathams character is telling the punchline of a joke. He says "So I fcuked the one that wasnt coughing".

    What the fcuk is the rest of that joke?
  2. There is a quote in Full Metal Jacket ( I read it 10 mins ago on IMDB ) where Pvt Joker says something about Vietnamese whores along the lines of

    "Half the hookers are paid up NVA Officers and half have TB..... only fcuk the ones that cough"

  3. Sixty

    Sixty LE Moderator Book Reviewer
    1. ARRSE Cyclists and Triathletes

    Probably a version of the joke in Full Metal Jacket:

    Private Joker - "They say that fifty percent of gook whores are serving Viet Cong intelligence officers. The other fifty percent have tuberculosis. Make sure you only fcuk the ones who don't cough"

    Although I'm obviously paraphrasing.

    Edit: Balls. Beaten by the Guru.
  4. This is a Chubby Brown joke, I reckon you've got it the wrong way round.

    "I was chatting up these two birds last night, one had TB and the other had VD.
    I made sure I fucked the one that was coughing".

    "I took the missus a glass of water and gave her two paracetamol. She said. I haven't got a headache! I said good, any chance of a fuck then"?

    "The woman next door fancies me and asked me if I'd like a bit on the side. I said, why, has it fucking moved"?

    I'm not a ladykiller. Mind you, I've crippled a few...

    All delivered really quickly whilst everyone is splurting their beer out.
    Classic Chubby Brown stuff.
  5. No doubt. I doubt strongly that Guy Ritchie would use an anecdote from a Vietnamese War Film. I was laughing at the fact that myself and someone else had the same thought at the same time.
  6. So,not a reference to Madonna at all then?
  7. In the van coming back with the weed and traffic warden,something about three white rabbits and a black cock.
    What was that joke?
  8. That was the Madonna joke then?