joke du jour

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by brokerboy, Apr 1, 2010.

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  1. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Was at the doctors yesterday, getting my nuts checked,he was squeezing my balls and he told me not to worry as getting an erection was' perfectly normal' , what ? i said , i havent got one ,he said no , but i have !!
  2. - Press release -

    Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

    The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this February from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

    The suicide bombers' union, the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M. ) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

    Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad, in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

    Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in their areas anyway".

    Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle - now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like that they are not so keen on going to paradise.

    - ENDS -
  3. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    A Polish duck with a Gordie accent - now that is something.
  4. They'll be even more pissed off when they realise that 25% off 72 actually takes then to 54!
  5. Y'know, every time I see that joke I mean to to the sums and check. Now I don't have to. Thanks!
  6. In the doctors the other day for a sort of general check up.

    "You will have to stop w@nking" is the stern instruction from the doctor.

    "Why"? I ask.

    "Because I am trying to take your pulse" she says.
  7. Someone form up a firing squad perleeeease.
  8. Why should you be concerned, if a Dundonian, riding a pushbike, gets ran over by a train?

    It might be you're bike..

    Ah the old ones, their the best.... :)
  9. Woman asks her Doctor "how many calories are there in sperm?"

    "Look love" the doctor replies "if you swallow nobody cares how fat you are"
  10. I think you'll find that with the passing of the equal opportunities bill this problem has gone away, they are no longer able to specify the gender of the virgins.