Joint mortgage

#1
out looking for new house, wanting to upgrade. Arbyette suggests we get a joint mortgage. QWhat do I say to get out of this without sounding like the cnut I am?
 
#2
Get some woman to start a thread in the other half about how some bloke stuffed her over with a joint mortgage and now she's in debt up to the hilt. Then "accidentally" leave this page open while you go for a jimmy.
 
#4
Tell her your credit file is damaged and your rate would be crap, then hit her in the face.

Make her doubt that a further long term commintment to yourself is perhaps unwise because you get aroused at the thought of Old dears and cattle being raped.
 
#5
#6
minister_doh_nut said:
msr said:
You could try posting in the correct forum for a start: http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/Forums/viewforum/f=4.html
I think he meant to post it in here mate, otherwise I'd have shifted it.

I think he was looking for reasons (NAAFI style) not to be on the mortgage rather than searching for the best rates etc
spot on. Basically, my current feeling is to roll around on the floor laughing a lot, wetting myself a bit and then writing it off as a hilarious ironic joke but this might upset her a bit.
 
#7
Avoid it at all costs, I am struggling like f uck to get my ex-cowbag off my mortgage.
The credit rating thing might frighten her off, but if she is switched on she may be curious as to how you got the mortgage on your own.
 
#8
Get a joint mortgage, get her plenty of life insurance give it a couple of weeks (not months because she'll probably have left you by then) Then hire somebody to Jill Dando door step challenge her

Jobs a good un
 
#9
How gullible is she?
Could you get away with going through the motions of setting up a joint account, both of you signing the paperwork etc, and her setting up a direct debit to pay her half into your bank account.
Meanwhile, you rip up that agreement and sign off on your solo arrangement.
Its a win win situation, the house is all yours, but she pays half the mortgage.
 
#10
sandmanfez said:
How gullible is she?
Could you get away with going through the motions of setting up a joint account, both of you signing the paperwork etc, and her setting up a direct debit to pay her half into your bank account.
Meanwhile, you rip up that agreement and sign off on your solo arrangement.
Its a win win situation, the house is all yours, but she pays half the mortgage.
Love it, wish I had thought of that. I will remember that next time, as know doubt there will be a next time 'cause I am soft like that.
 
#12
sandmanfez said:
How gullible is she?
Could you get away with going through the motions of setting up a joint account, both of you signing the paperwork etc, and her setting up a direct debit to pay her half into your bank account.
Meanwhile, you rip up that agreement and sign off on your solo arrangement.
Its a win win situation, the house is all yours, but she pays half the mortgage.
sold. perfect. Thanks sandman, this was the girl who thought there was a "chinese christmas" in october.
 
#13
arby said:
sold. perfect. Thanks sandman, this was the girl who thought there was a "chinese christmas" in october.
Erm, you might want to think about it a bit in that case. Chinese National Day is 1st October and it's their biggest official holiday, not unlike Christmas. She's maybe not dumb enough to fall for it after all.

How about arranging for a mate to send you faked final demands 2 or 3 times per week. Perhaps even a notification of bankruptcy?

Spend half an hour at least poring over each bank statement and cross referencing it with receipts, which of course you now insist on keeping. Make sure you have a frown of worried concentration on your face as you do. Perhaps ask he if she knows how to sell things on eBay. And if she'd still love you if you were homeless, or if her parents could take you both in 'in the worst case'.

Oh, and make sure the even if the house is in your name, she doesn't have any claim to joint property whatsoever. You'd be amazed at what women can legally gouge from you if they've been receiving your semen on a long-term basis.
 
#14
smartascarrots said:
arby said:
sold. perfect. Thanks sandman, this was the girl who thought there was a "chinese christmas" in october.
Erm, you might want to think about it a bit in that case. Chinese National Day is 1st October and it's their biggest official holiday, not unlike Christmas. She's maybe not dumb enough to fall for it after all.
sh1t. she may actually be an idiot savant.
 
#15
smartascarrots said:
Oh, and make sure the even if the house is in your name, she doesn't have any claim to joint property whatsoever. You'd be amazed at what women can legally gouge from you if they've been receiving your semen on a long-term basis.
This is a good point. Assuming that you do not want the property to be jointly owned, you need to be bloody careful. All sorts of words or acts can be held by the court to create a trust of property whereby even though the property is legally held by one party the court decides that it is held on trust for both parties, perhaps in equal shares.

Things like "I would have put it in joint names except ... (insert feeble excuse here)" are very dangerous indeed. Get legal advice.
 
#16
Yoru fcuked, if she is your common law wife she can fcuk you over without the need for a joint mortgage.

Its only a financial arrangement, it ends on her death, so wheres the problem?

Is she a looker?
 
#17
minister_doh_nut said:
Yoru fcuked, if she is your common law wife she can fcuk you over without the need for a joint mortgage.

Its only a financial arrangement, it ends on her death, so wheres the problem?

Is she a looker?
Commonlaw wife/husband is no longer recognised legally. Wake up MDN, it's not the 80's anymore you know.


Arby, why not just bin her, sort the house out in your name only and then get back together?
 
#18
minister_doh_nut said:
Yoru fcuked, if she is your common law wife she can fcuk you over without the need for a joint mortgage.

Its only a financial arrangement, it ends on her death, so wheres the problem?

Is she a looker?

she is a looker but not half as attractive as my potential bank balance.
 
#19
Moodybitch said:
Commonlaw wife/husband is no longer recognised legally. Wake up MDN, it's not the 80's anymore you know.
My work quota says differently

50% percent of my working life involves the remortgaging of people splitting up.
 
#20
arby said:
out looking for new house, wanting to upgrade. Arbyette suggests we get a joint mortgage. QWhat do I say to get out of this without sounding like the cnut I am?
Answer: Thanks love for you suggestion, but, in reflection, I’d rather not burden you with the stress of a 25 year financial commitment, that will cost you thousands of pounds if you default on your share of the loan. You can (if you like) pay me rent, if your certain that you want to contribute financially to our relationship.

Expected behaviour would be that she will agree to the rent thing, if not then you be led to believe that she’s only interested in the house and ultimately ripping you off at some point in the future. Hope this helps.
 

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