Joining Up Whilst Married

#1
After a long time (I say long, possibly 5 years) of going from one shite job to another I am seriously contemplating going from weekend warrior to a full time carrear in the Army. Infantry to be specific. I have no rank, no tours, and no relatively major qualifications (99% of my driving licences and a level 1 Light Gun) so I'm on the understanding that I will have to do the full 26 weeks infantrymans basic training.

My question is this.

Has anyone here joined up or do they know of someone who joined up whilst married with own house. I'm not expecting any special treatment but would like to know how they found it personally (how did wife take it, where the lads different with you because of said marrige etc).

Mrs TBM is dead against the idea but I've allways been honest with her about my ambitions to join the army since we first met (4/5 years ago). I've reached the point where I'm so unhappy at work that my answer to her doubts is "If you don't like it, you know where the door is". Which is not a good stage to be at.

Any info appreaciated.

ps: All offers to look after/shag/sexually assault/etc my wife are welcome. I'm fully expecting incomming with this thread as is usually the case with ARRSE. Please make them as funny as you can so I can get a laugh whilst telling my lovely wife she'll have company whilst I'm away.
 
#3
Perhaps this should be in another thread, but hey ho,

A guy I was at Catterick with had a long term bird and struggled to be away from her, moaning all the time she was, and he wasnt much better.

I would be concerned about your mortgage payments and making sure you can still afford them as you starting wage aint going to be much.
 
#6
I had a friend, Steve I think he was called, joined up when he was married (no Kids), he seemed to be treated very well. Obviously you don't get a quarter through basic training but he did as soon as he arrived at Blandford. His troop staff at Blandford helped him fill out all the forms and made sure he was actually properly admin'd, and that was 12 years ago.

It made no difference to the rest of us during training, and I think his wife was ok. Although he has now seperated from his wife but that was because she started shagging about and nothing to do with his service and change of circumstances.

Obviously don't know if you'll get a quarter at Catterick, maybe someone else can help.

Jimima

(Clearly my friend being called Steve is not true, he was actually called Scouse, please see the My friend called Steve thread)
 
#7
Also be careful due to the fact that the MOD now see being married with kids etc a liability I looked into rejoining a bit back before I got too old, apparently because you have a mortgage, car payments lumpy jumper and poss nippers in tow this is seen as strikes against in the MOD's eyes! I suppose meaning if the worst case scenario happens they don't have the resources to provide a decent support network.
 
#8
Make sure you want to join the army because you want to join the army not as a way out of a shitty marriage. If you think being married to a demanding woman is bad wait till the army starts demanding then you'll know what shitty really is.
 
#9
Rapierman said:
Also be careful due to the fact that the MOD now see being married with kids etc a liability I looked into rejoining a bit back before I got too old, apparently because you have a mortgage, car payments lumpy jumper and poss nippers in tow this is seen as strikes against in the MOD's eyes! I suppose meaning if the worst case scenario happens they don't have the resources to provide a decent support network.
I'm a mother of 2 children, and looking to join up next year. They know my circumstances at the careers office, and I have never been told that it will have an effect on my application. So long as my partner is supportive of my application then it is supposed to be ok. Put it this way, recently I had a slight setback, which resulted in my talking to the staff sergeant in the careers office for well over an hour. I would have thought if there was an issue about my having a family it would have been raised by now. I am working to finish my degree and improve my fitness and have been told to go into the careers office to do the paperwork in April. So we shall have to just see what happens come next year.

Only thing I have been told is I NEED to get married :lol: My partner thinks I am pulling his leg about that though. A novel way to trick a man into marrying you, but yep, he thinks I am having him on.

So I would go down to your local careers office and talk about your circumstances and see what they say.

Stick
 
#10
Do it pal. If you are not permitted, what have you lost?

Despite a rather unpleasant post above, do be certain what your wife's views are. Get her on-side.

PS: I did it in 1961. In 1966 I was still being 'quizzed' about it. (The daft bastards thought I had lied - luckily the 'married allowance' paid in those days to the wife at a Post Office proved my innocence).

In 1976 I was 'reminded' about it by a four star general.
 
#11
Im happily married so no thanks on the wife offer. Regarding being married already it can be hard for you and your wife being apart and remember you wont be entitled to a Married Quarter whilst in training. You will also miss quite a lot of the comradeship and closer nit things that an infantry section have but just prepare the Mrs that there will lots of time away. She probably has a bit of info from your TA stuff and needs to realise that she will have to uproot and follow you around where ever your posted if you stay together.
 
#13
the_beer_man said:
ps: All offers to look after/shag/sexually assault/etc my wife are welcome. I'm fully expecting incomming with this thread as is usually the case with ARRSE. Please make them as funny as you can so I can get a laugh whilst telling my lovely wife she'll have company whilst I'm away.
She has had company several times already...
 
#14
the_beer_man said:
After a long time (I say long, possibly 5 years) of going from one shite job to another I am seriously contemplating going from weekend warrior to a full time carrear in the Army. Infantry to be specific. I have no rank, no tours, and no relatively major qualifications (99% of my driving licences and a level 1 Light Gun) so I'm on the understanding that I will have to do the full 26 weeks infantrymans basic training.

My question is this.

Has anyone here joined up or do they know of someone who joined up whilst married with own house. I'm not expecting any special treatment but would like to know how they found it personally (how did wife take it, where the lads different with you because of said marrige etc).

Mrs TBM is dead against the idea but I've allways been honest with her about my ambitions to join the army since we first met (4/5 years ago). I've reached the point where I'm so unhappy at work that my answer to her doubts is "If you don't like it, you know where the door is". Which is not a good stage to be at.

Any info appreaciated.

ps: All offers to look after/shag/sexually assault/etc my wife are welcome. I'm fully expecting incomming with this thread as is usually the case with ARRSE. Please make them as funny as you can so I can get a laugh whilst telling my lovely wife she'll have company whilst I'm away.
How long have you been in the TA?

Volunteer for a tour, see if you enjoy it and then decide.

msr
 
#15
the_beer_man said:
After a long time (I say long, possibly 5 years) of going from one shite job to another I am seriously contemplating going from weekend warrior to a full time carrear in the Army. Infantry to be specific. I have no rank, no tours, and no relatively major qualifications (99% of my driving licences and a level 1 Light Gun) so I'm on the understanding that I will have to do the full 26 weeks infantrymans basic training.

My question is this.

Has anyone here joined up or do they know of someone who joined up whilst married with own house. I'm not expecting any special treatment but would like to know how they found it personally (how did wife take it, where the lads different with you because of said marrige etc).

Mrs TBM is dead against the idea but I've allways been honest with her about my ambitions to join the army since we first met (4/5 years ago). I've reached the point where I'm so unhappy at work that my answer to her doubts is "If you don't like it, you know where the door is". Which is not a good stage to be at.

Any info appreaciated.

ps: All offers to look after/shag/sexually assault/etc my wife are welcome. I'm fully expecting incomming with this thread as is usually the case with ARRSE. Please make them as funny as you can so I can get a laugh whilst telling my lovely wife she'll have company whilst I'm away.
I joined whilst with a partner ( got married during phase 2.......long story, for another thread!! ) and with a child.

It took a very long time ( 3 years or so ) to finally go firm on the idea that it was the best future for us at the time.

Training was a bastard due to us never spending more than a week apart before. Your missus AND you will have to be strong together to get through the training ( phase 1 & 2 ) but it is worth it.

Like i said, we also had a 3 year old nipper as well, which added to the pressure of being away from the family "unit". You never mentioned nippers in your post though, so i added that just in case.

Like has been said, you will not receive a married quarter in training AND YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR FIRST MOVE So if you have any fancy ideas of fancying a posting to Cyprus etc. It will cost you an arm and a leg, literally.

I was very lucky to get a first posting relatively close to our home town so that was another worry off the list about finally finishing training.

Its all about the strength of you and your missus mate to be honest. Also the " if you never try, you never know ". Hand on heart it was the best move i ever made ( seriously never thought that when deployed to the wonderful shitholes that we get sent but, life's an adventure )

As for your asking about being treated differently. I was treated no different to the rest of my intake really, though i did sense the training staff did give me a bit more responsibility due to me being the oldest in my intake.

That said, all this happened over 10 years ago mate, hope its been helpful. Would like to know how things have changed in the recent past for blokes/blokesses joining when hitched.


Cheers N_W.
 
#16
Thanks for the advice guys. Despite some opinions I'm not using it as a way out of a shitty marriage. We've been married since April and she's a lovely woman. I'm just not happy in civvie street. I'm gonna pop down to my local carrears office asap to discuss this with the staff.

Thanks
 
#17
Thanks N_W that was really helpful. I don't have any children so thats not a factor. She said that she would rather not move away but will if she has to. I'm looking at the PARAS and they're based an hours commute from my home so it's not a major hassle if they'll let me live off base after phase 1. I'm not expecting a married quaters and to be honest I would want to be with the lads during training so I don't get left out of the loop.

MSR. I've been in the TA fours years now. I've volunteered for previous tours but to no avail. Was hoping for a deployment to sandy places with my current unit but because I have not completed a certain course I could not go (no ones fault at the unit it's just the way it planned out)

Thanks for advice guys
 
#18
the_beer_man said:
if they'll let me live off base after phase 1
I'm pretty sure you will not be allowed to live out when on the second phase of your training mate. Especially ( if what i gather from your post ) that you live " dahhhn saaaahhhff", I'm sure the second phase of your choice of trade training is held oop north. So I fear this will be a non starter ( someone please correct me if I'm wrong. )

the_beer_man said:
I'm not expecting a married quarter and to be honest
Even if you are not expecting a quarter or indeed want one, due to the proximity of your chosen Regiment to where you currently reside. Take that first quarter no matter what.........You can then ask for permission to live out after that, but have negated the cost of having to move all your gear thereafter. After all you are the Army's to do with as they see fit. So in theory, they could send you to train penguins in the dark arts in Antarctica if they desired and you really don't wanna have to pay for the cost of any move other than your first and your last mate.

Again, hope it's helped.


Cheers N_W.
 
#19
the_beer_man said:
After a long time (I say long, possibly 5 years) of going from one shite job to another I am seriously contemplating going from weekend warrior to a full time carrear in the Army. Infantry to be specific. I have no rank, no tours, and no relatively major qualifications (99% of my driving licences and a level 1 Light Gun) so I'm on the understanding that I will have to do the full 26 weeks infantrymans basic training.

My question is this.

Has anyone here joined up or do they know of someone who joined up whilst married with own house. I'm not expecting any special treatment but would like to know how they found it personally (how did wife take it, where the lads different with you because of said marrige etc).

Mrs TBM is dead against the idea but I've allways been honest with her about my ambitions to join the army since we first met (4/5 years ago). I've reached the point where I'm so unhappy at work that my answer to her doubts is "If you don't like it, you know where the door is". Which is not a good stage to be at.

Any info appreaciated.

ps: All offers to look after/shag/sexually assault/etc my wife are welcome. I'm fully expecting incomming with this thread as is usually the case with ARRSE. Please make them as funny as you can so I can get a laugh whilst telling my lovely wife she'll have company whilst I'm away.
Me and my husband also have a house yet we bought it when he was in the army already in way we bought the house so it was seen as a commitment to each other as we had been together a while but didn't want to get married. My husband was moving to Germany and I'd been living in the house more or less by myself as he was in London we came to realise it was sh#t after a few months, so we got married and arranged to move to Germany.
We got our first move paid for as we got round that by saying it was our second move because we both moved into our own home but you have to have a decent Clark i think.
We put our house out for rent and get the mortgage paid for while we pay for rent that's no where near the mortgage price, i think you would both find it really hard to be living separately so why not get a pad house and see if the wife likes it, if not she could just move back into your own home.
Anyway hope it all works out to suit you both, good luck with whatever you chose to do.
 
#20
Off topic here but to pay for the costs can't you breed and sell your nippers? :p

Seriously though all the best mate hope it all works out (wife and career)
 

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