Joining the British Army. All your questions answered.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by scarletto, Jul 26, 2008.

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  1. So you want to join the Army, your questions are important to us, so you have arrived at the portal to your answers.

    :x Use the Fcuking search button you spastics :x
  2. Good mood then scarletto? :wink:
  3. Eye'd loike to join the Brittush Army.

    Do yuo get yer owen gun?

    Will they let me wear my Fila trainers?

    Are iPods issued and can i take my Subaru and MAX Powr collection?

    Whicc is the best to join?

    Will I get to train with Mike Golden?

    My brother knows him and sez he is the nailzest in the Army

  4. Are you allowed electric toothbrushes?
  5. I wunt a helmet.
  6. Jaysus!
    Sparky is actually Gerry on a suicide mission.
  7. Schweinhund Brittischer!!!

    You hav caught me out!! Scheiss...

    Collecting der neckerwrappenfabrik vas not cover enuff!!!...

    Ich bien eine dumbkopf!!! :(

    (thought I'd do the other Gerry pmsl)
  8. Ah, dio!
    He has schizophrenic personality disorder too!
    No doubt a fan of Gerry & Jerry's icecream!
    Scarletto, even the */&!%£#!! search function won't help this 'un.
  9. You're never alone with schizophrenia :D
  10. i once heard that you cant join the army if one testicle is bigger than the other! is this true?
    this has nothing whatsoever to do with me! :oops:
  11. I was okay at my medical but then I've got big baws!!! :D

    If you have a testicular problem, it would be wise to have it seen to.

    How big is the big testicle and how big is the smaller one?

    Size matters you know!!! :D
  12. Now its 'how much money do i need' my teeth are bad will the army shoot me' will i die of homesickness'

    Some guy passes out and offers to tell about training and the fannies all want to know if they need blue hankerchiefs or pictures of their mums. Wheres the real questions, not some bluddy womens institute type of questioning. Drill. PT. Weapon training etc etc, no bluddy jemima puddleduck wants to know if theirs lots to do in the evning so they dont hang themselves.
  13. Scarletto fear not!!!

    They'll be too busy trying to learn how to iron.

    No doubt they'll have to talk a few down from the end of the ironing board.

    Cue DS with megaphone in barrack "Don't do it son. I know what you're going through - I've been there".

    Think themselves lucky they don't have to do sweat creases!!! :D
  14. Do you like get to shank people innit?

    I've got 18 convictions for robbery, assault, ABH, GBH, dealing drugs and being a chav mong - can I still join?

    I'm 21 stone and have been working out for about 2 days - I can walk a mile and a half as long as it isn't in one go - will they let me in cos I'm well fit innit just a bit chunky like?

    Will my 15 year old pregnant girlfriend leave me?

    Cn i lk spk in txt spk on thm radio fingies?