Honestly Sir, I will need your assistance muchly to extricate £700 million English pounds from the Minister of Finance's bank account after he untimely perished in an aviation disaster. For this good service to me, I will forward to immediately the sum of no less than £7 million of your pounds.
Firstly though, and in good time, I need you to send me your...
Keep looking, matey, then walk on by. The Intelligence Corps is probably not for you. If you're absolutely determined, drink your milk, cut down on the wanking, learn to express yourself correctly in English and then pop by when you're 18 or so and have some decent A Levels.
In the meantime buy a mack, floppy hat and sunglasses, put a pink rose in the lapel and hang around park benches with a two day old copy of the times learning how to do the crossword and read the big words.
Sad to say, an inability to copy things correctly automatically disbars you from service in the ranks of the elite army Intell core (otherwise how would INTSUMs get written ???) ... and so does the inability to construct a decent wind-up.