John Noakes Test - A barometer of our nations past.

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Jimmy_Kranke, May 29, 2007.

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  1. Caught a prog(28 May) last night on BBC3. All about childrens TV from days gone by, mainly the 60's and 70's.

    Always nice to wallow in a bit of nostalgia(I'm still waiting for the re-runs of Poggles Wood). Anyway what really caught my eye was a half hour piece, narrated by John Noakes, looking back at his days with Blue Peter. It struck me that pretty much every challenging thing he did on Blue Peter, would be kiboshed today. I don't think for one second he would be allowed a 2 min freefall with the RAF Falcons(Are they still going?), H&S issues, insurance, defence cutbacks.....blah blah

    In this litigation world he would not get airtime now. It was greatly entertaining, quality TV, but nowadays for John Noakes it would be quick march to the nearest civil claims court. Outed as a danger to young people, and counseling offered to anyone who ever met him.

    Nelsons Column: He climbs up to the top, up set after set of rickety wooden ladders which are lashed together with rope. No safety rope, and includes a death defying overhang. A few H&S rules breached there methinks. But it gets worse, he then is persuaded to hang over the side on a Bosun's Chair, which looks likes it seen better days.

    He's then joined over the side by one of the guys cleaning it. Who begins to scoop piles of bird sh*t into a bucket.....My missus shouts out....look he's not wearing gloves :x ...My point exactly, I also noticed that while this bloke was dangling in the Bosuns chair...with no safety line, scooping sh*t, in his other hand HE WAS SMOKING!!!!!!, on primetime Childrens TV. Fcuk me there would be questions in the House of Commons these days. Great stuff.

    HMS Ganges: One disconcerting area :D , was his film about the Mast Climbing at HMS Ganges by Naval Cadets. For those too young, the 15yr old cadets climb a Rigged Mast to music. They shimmy along the yard arms, and one of them(The Button Boy), climbs the final few feet of this fcuking high mast pole, and balances on the very top of the mast(Can you imagine trying to get youngsters to do that today.....I'm thinking Child Protection Register issues for the Instructors).

    John Noakes tried to shimmy up, but couldn't, so his place was taken by a young cadet. It was clear on my digital TV, that this poor lad had pi88ed himself(and who can blame him).....He still made it to the top, character building or what.

    But when I looked at the programme, as a whole, it was normal life, and Noakes reflected it. It was the British as a nation, very eccentric, rugged and determined. I was a youngster during this period and am gratefull for that experience, it seems life for youngsters today is very more controlled, and possibly less fun.

    John Noakes I salute You.
  2. AlienFTM

    AlienFTM LE Book Reviewer

    I am pretty sure there was a death at HMS Ganges, falling from the mast, hmmm maybe 15 years ago or more and the whole thing DID get kiboshed.

    Or a meringue?
  3. Too bloody right!

    Good call, Jimmy.

    At the rate we are going, the humans will be extinct within 50 years due to all the sprogs being softy Walters.

    How the hell did the human race survive for over 200,000 years???

    I watched Blue Peter the other day for the first time in about 20 years and its utter pants (except for the letch at the presenters). No wonder kids don't bother with it any more. The most challenging thing they do now is review the latest video game.

    Sticky backed plastic has so many H&S issues surrounding its not worth the litigation using it any more. I'll bet they don't even do the Christmas advent candle holder any more? Whats so dangerous about a couple of coat hangers wrapped in tinsel with a handful of naked flames stuffed in it?

    Go with Noakes (and to a lesser degree, the mincer Peter Duncan) were only doing what the so called 'Hardcore' ex SAS presenters on the Discovery Channel are doing now. The latter are only shown after the water shed and have approx 10 minutes of pre warnings 'not to copy the actions seen in this prog'. Noakes was jumping off cliffs in a canoe during prime time kids telly. Blue Peter then is what Jackass and Dirty Sanchez is now.

    A death? Not exactly pandemic is it? I'll bet all his mates learnt from his mistake though. Good character building stuff if you ask me.
  4. Good post Jimmy and I wholeheartedly agree. I'm also sure that the "yoof" of today are getting decidedly thicker as well. I reckon that in 50 years time, we'll either be extinct or living in caves again. 8O
  5. Bouillabaisse

    Bouillabaisse LE Book Reviewer

    The stain on the button boy's trousers was water and grease from the stays, rather than pish. There's a few Ganges boys over on Rum Ration, you might find him there. They stopped putting boy sailors through Ganges years ago (too lazy to look it up) and the death was an adult sailor killed practicing for a display (Royal Tournament, I think.)

    Agree that they'd never let anyone do half the stuff he did.
  6. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    This is progress people. Think about it? We're raising a generation who cant climb trees or cliffs, cant build a den, play conkers, snowball fights, drive a tractor or try to ride a cow.

    Japs and Commandos or British Bulldogs? Forget it. Do you want the poor H&S Nazis to have a siezure?

    All good news. Because as we slide into senility and start putting ice cream on our steak pie, the generation of X-Box milksops we're raising wont be able to start on us.
  7. And on nearly all his trips he took his beloved Shep (of the legendary "Get down" fame) Who will be seen to have provided this form of moral compass to the kids of today in 30 years time. Simon Cowell?
  8. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Didnt the original Shep snuff it and Noakes replaced it with a ringer? Thats behaviour more likely to be found in a Pikey on a flapping track rather than in a moral compass I'd of thought?

    Anyway, Noakes is a pantomime fairy compared to The Clangers. They were so hard they lived on the moon.
  9. Noakes and Duncan are legends.

    I would love to see Duncan's Hang Gliding again.

    To be fair, I think that Tim Vincent did some tough stuff too. (bits of P Company?)

    I recently saw blue Peter and they had Zoe Salmon in a bikini.

    F**K ME!
  10. I think you are atad harsh on John, he was miles better than todays bunch of Blue peter gay boys!

  11. Too bloody true

    but the Chineese and the Koreans are toughing up there sprogs

    so in 50 years, we wont be extinct, we will be the Peoples Chineese

    Republic of Ireland and Great Britian

    Joh Noakes- he was one tough man

    but Valerie Singleton- wow wow wow
  12. Yep. Proper bloke. None of your puffy hair gel or 'metrosexual' bollox. Not a stylist in sight in Noakes day.

    It all went wrong in the early 90's when the whole of TV employed overtly fem pansies to present kids telly. Before then, they were just closet bottom touchers. No wonder boys today all think its fine and dandy to dress up like extras from a 'Take That' chorus line and mince about talking about their feelings.

    All boys should own at least one stripped down Honda 90 Step Through before they are 12.
  13. I agree with you in the main but in Gloucestershire yesterday we had the annual Cheese Rolling event. Now anyone who has seen the slope that they race down knows what I mean when I say 'Mental or what'. There is a good smattering of young people willing to engage in pointless danger if only for the fcuk of it. Not all yoofs play on computer games! We salute them...
  14. No way Duncan was as hard as Noakes. I remember watching Duncan (nearly?) in tears as he had to be hauled up the last bit of the Old Man of Hoy - and running a marathon in a green-and-white chequered suit doesn't make him legendary...

    Meanwhile, I would love to see Noakes taking up HALO jumping again... (does he still hold the British Record for the highest civilian parachute descent?)

    John Noakes - BBC Children's TV equivalent of Chuck Norris :)
  15. Am loving this thread J_K.. :wink:

    loved John Noakes in the early days, risking life and limb for childrens
    entertainment...Bl00dy marvelous, sadly long since past, all brill cream
    nancy boys now, Playstation Generation...I Sh1t em!!!.. :wink:

    Also didn't Peter Duncan..Ala Duncan Dares..Get to do part of the Marines beat up
    seem to remember watching him getting beasted, either on the bottom field
    tests or on the Endurance course.. :?