Jobsworth Redcap

#1
A mate of mine (ex UDR ex RUC ) is a singer in a group and was invited up to Theipval Barracks to entertain the troops ( RMP Coy) , this he did willingly and a good night was had by all.
On returning to his car he was met by a jumped up lance jack from the aforementioned unit (RMP )who ordered him not to drive his car, his attitude sucked from the word go. To make sure he didn't drive ( which he had no intention of doing so anyway) this freshly minted army member of the counstabulary phoned the local police to wait by the vcp.
Needless to say my mate is one pirsed off individual, who will not be in any great hurry to do his it ain't half hot mum bit again.
 
#3
polar69 said:
Sounds like he did your mate a favour if he was over the limit
Nah Mate was sober, but apparantly after doing the gig for the MP's this redcap told him to move his car as it was parked in restricted zone, Just him no one else.So he went to move the car the redcap said if you get in that car I'll nick you.
So my mate give the RMP his keys told him to move it as he couldn't
 
#4
Always 2 sides to the story - if he was being a cnut, then the RMP deserves a dentist appointment if your mate, on the other hand, had had a drink and the RMP noticed this only after issuing him the advice of moving his car, then..... he hasn't a leg to stand on!
 
#5
It is always the new LCpl RMP that is a pain. Got done in Hohne while on my IFCS Gunner Mech conversion by a couple of full screws, hands up I was guilty they just did what they had to do. Next day when I had to report to the RMP duty room this snotty LCpl tried to make me stand to attention by the desk till they were ready for me. Him LCpl, me LCpl so told him where to stick it. The duty Sgt then came out and gave him a bollocking as well, result!
 
#6
I had a similair issue with one when i went to pick up one of my guys who had been in a bit of bother.

I went in and this jumped up lance starts yelling at me to stand to attention

i was a Sgt so i pointed out quite politely that he shouldnt be speaking to a SNCO like that and his reply was

and i quote!

''Your confusing your rank with my authority"

I was just on the point of sticking my hand down his throat and ripping out his heart and lungs when the shift Sgt came out and saved his bacon.

However on the flip side as a youngish gunner and just having done P Company and the Commando course i stopped off at the JLRRA to POL as it was after hours the POL point was shut so i walked into the guardroom wearing only a green T shirt and a piar of junglie trousers. I asked what the score with POl was and this fat guy in civies explodes at me!

"I'm SSGT ******** othe provost Sgt of the JLRRA what the hell you doing walking into my my guardroom dressed like that without knocking, would you do that in your own camp?"

Obviously I was impressed that he could get all that out in one breath and hadnt been shouted at like that since leaving JLRRA all i could manage was a rather weak

"No i would just knock on the window and ask the duty bootneck to give me the keys!

Provost Sgt "g Get out and come back properly dressed!!!''

So off i trot and reappear complete with green commando beret and para smock complete with boy scout badges! As soon as he see's me dressed like that his total manner changed and he couldn't have been more civil!!

However all I could think was what an asshole he was!

So i guess the point of this ramble is that its not just the young ones that can be up their own arses!!
 

the_boy_syrup

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
wombat said:
polar69 said:
Sounds like he did your mate a favour if he was over the limit
Nah Mate was sober, but apparantly after doing the gig for the MP's this redcap told him to move his car as it was parked in restricted zone, Just him no one else.So he went to move the car the redcap said if you get in that car I'll nick you.
So my mate give the RMP his keys told him to move it as he couldn't
Once your mate let the RMP move his car did he ask to see his insurance docs?
I once let a RAF copper move my motor and then asked his fellow barrier tech to check his insurance as I was driver only............
Reply 'shut the fukc up before you end up in the cells'
No need for that states my mate
Nobody invited your fukcing imput states barrier tech
'Name and rank'
Sorry says barrier tech going white
Name and rank SAC acting I assume
'yeah whose asking'
Sgt not acting
To the guardroom lets go lef right lef right
young looking 3 bars gota love them :D :D
 
#8
The immortal phrase "don't confuse your rank with my authority"! The old ones are the best aren't they?

Of course (and this is a generalisation I know) if the monkeys could do more than lock lads up for being p*ssed up and do something worthwhile like..hmmm...investigating one of the hundreds of thefts in the singlies block then maybe people might be inclined to give them more time.
 
#10
Maybe keep an eye to the pikey contractors who will nick anything out of the blokes rooms given the slightest oppertunity. Or investigate the half wit who was selling pams on e-bay.
 
#11
Fcuckin crow bag Lance jack RMPs,

They should all get kicked to fuck, just remember sunshine your only a jumped up private, little arsehole. Hopefully he got his comeuppance and his fellow hairy arsed full screws give him a good beating' Wanker.
 
#13
Could this be the same new LCpl RMP who recently, after someone (an RSM) caused slight damage to my parked car at Thiepval, and left a note offering to pay, tried to make a major drama of the situation? This LCpl removed the RSM's note and replaced it with one of his own; I was unimpressed with his 'you are to report to me at the RMP Station', and just as unimpressed with all his subsequent phone calls asking for a damage report, even after I told him the car had been sold.

The latest game is sitting next to the NAAFI shop in an unmarked dark grey Golf, with a speed gun, and imagining that no-one can see them in their yellow jackets...
 
#14
I do love the fact that they have nothing better to do on tour than to man speed traps! In Afghanistan a mate was taking the CO, Regt 2I/C and various others who I think included the STRE OC to an O Group at the main HQ. They were running a little late so the driver was speeding a bit. Cue young RMP LCpl with the speed gun flagging them down. The RMP was about to have a go at the driver when the CO told him in no uncertain terms to stop being a jobsworth and told the driver to pull away! LOL.
 
#15
ViroBono said:
Could this be the same new LCpl RMP who recently, after someone (an RSM) caused slight damage to my parked car at Thiepval, and left a note offering to pay, tried to make a major drama of the situation? This LCpl removed the RSM's note and replaced it with one of his own; I was unimpressed with his 'you are to report to me at the RMP Station', and just as unimpressed with all his subsequent phone calls asking for a damage report, even after I told him the car had been sold.

The latest game is sitting next to the NAAFI shop in an unmarked dark grey Golf, with a speed gun, and imagining that no-one can see them in their yellow jackets...
It must be a Lisburn thing because that's exactly how the Lisburn PSNI "catch" under age drinkers - two fat b*stards in yellow coats waddle slowly towards the group of youths. The youths of course see the plods ten minutes before they reach them & have already hidden their drink, meaning the actual point of the foot patrol was... erm... it'll come to me eventually? 8O
 
#16
I have always found them to be a strange mixed breed, some are arrseholes like the chopper who pulled me over on the Packway for being 5 miles UNDER the speed limit (dick didn't realise it was a 40 MPH limit) or the Monkey RSM in Bosnia who fobade his troops mixing with the rest and only allowed them to drink in their mess. Now you might think so what good riddence but there was a catch , the RMP mess was JNCO's, not suprising really, but they had 2 privates, an AGC clerk and a REME bod who couldn't go in there but still had the ban imposed on entering the communial bar.

Whilst on the other hand I have come into contact with some good 'uns like one guy who fudged some paperwork after I had an RTA, one guy from the SIB investigating an assault and rewrote my statement so I would land in the pooh and several guys who would pick me up in various places in Cyprus totally arrseholed and drop me off in camp no questions asked
 
#17
had this guy pull me over in norway he came up to me and gave me a good talking to about the speed the vehicle was going and the dangers blah blah blah how im really lucky i wasnt getting done blah blah blah when he finished i said you better repeat that to him pointing to the driver we where in a right hand drive TM oh how we laughed
 
#18
In the 80's I was riding my bike back to work in Fally down the main drag towards the monkey house crossroads. It was lunchtime and I was late had my hands on the breakes as I normally did but was going hard (Ooeer missus). I was a 10 year full screw at the time but was a little surprised when a scabby lance-jack RMP shouted at me from the other side of the road to get a proper control of my vehicle! Tw@t.

If I had the time I'd ve gone over and told his fortune but that wasn't an option so I just ignored him and tutted in my best tutty way. I know we've got some RMP's on here but why do those spotty oikes do that?

Got my own back when on a re-inforcement exercise driving through Gutersloh we all waved our bananas from our scab packs at a traffic monkey. Bet he'd not seen that before :D
 
#19
Whilst in Bosnia, going through the border at Kommensko, had the usual RMP bollocks, where sleeping bag, weapon, overnight kit. One of my Ptes had forgotten his body armour, total meltdown, telephone calls, lots of head shaking, but eventually we got away.

Anyhow 2 days later and very bad weather, same RMP visiting my unit, his vehicle had no heating, came and asked me if we could fix it for them, i tasked one of the REME to do this, RMP goes for brew, i go and get a lump of fish from chefs, fish goes in heating system. Revenge is sweet. :D
 
#20
Funny old bunch really, young uns normally power crazed like Adolf on a bad day.

That said Met a WO2 SIB in Canada who was the most down to earth bloke I've met, played in a band and rode a triumph which probably accounts for most of it..........

For him it was a novelty mixing with people that weren't SIB.
 

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