It all began with a hotel room. I was looking between my outstretched feet at the fridge, one of those little ones that fit under the dressing table. Most of you will have seen them: they are only allowed to contain grossly over-priced cans of drink, minatures and the world's most expensive Mars bars. How irksome, I thought, to have to cross the box of the hotel room to open the fridge myself. Especially as it is usually a pointless journey resulting in an indignant slam of the half-size door and a muttered, 'I am NOT paying that for a....whatever!'. It then occurred to me that here was a hitherto unexploited employment opportunity. Five star hotel rooms could come with their own dwarf on fridge duty. The little fella's job would be nothing less than to stand by the fridge and open the door at your command. Why, he could even extract things for hotel guests and trot up to them with his offerings before receiving a pat on the head and resuming his station. The oompahlumpahs so employed could be kitted out with little liveried outfits to add to the dignity of their role. Persoanlly, I would favour bearskins and red tunics and a DP rifle so they could engage in a bit of drill. You could even have one either side of the fridge as it were their own minature Buck House. This wave of genius led me to wonder if there were any other little jobs about the home or workplace that could lend purpose and meaning to these little fellas' lives. Can the ranks of Arrse suggest any? Still on the fridge theme, I thought full-size appliances could have a dwarf inside. Kitted out in Arctic smock and armed with a Maglite you could disconnect the normal light. Upon opening the fridge door, dwarf could challenge with half of password, only switching on his torch if friend thereby identified. Identification of a foe would have the following actions on: dwarf launches himself at the throat of the impostor offering protection, at the cost of his life if need be, to your tinnies from human predators (also known as 'friends and family'). What a ball-ache to have to open your own pedal bin. Why not place an up-turned bucket next to it with a poised dwarf? At the shout, 'Red on, Green on, GOOOOO!' these stunt-dwarfs could leap high in the air to give them the landing velocity necessary to hit the bin pedal with enough force to open it. Any other suggestions welcome. Also applications from suitably qualified dwarves (must be clean and of smart appearance) interested in employment in these capacities. Particularly hardy little critters to be trained as dog chews.