JFK Assassination - Who Dunnit?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ACAB, Mar 13, 2013.

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  1. John Fitzgerald Kennedy, the 35th President of the United States, was assassinated at 12:30 p.m. Central Standard Time (18:30 UTC) on Friday, November 22, 1963, in Dealey Plaza, Dallas, Texas.[SUP][1][/SUP][SUP][2][/SUP] Kennedy was fatally shot while traveling with his wife Jacqueline, Texas Governor John Connally, and Connally's wife Nellie, in a presidential motorcade. A ten-month investigation in 1963-64 by the Warren Commission concluded that Kennedy was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone and that Jack Ruby also acted alone when he killed Oswald before he could stand trial. Although the Commission's conclusions were initially supported by a majority of the American public,[SUP][3][/SUP] polls conducted between 1966 and 2003 found that as many as 80 percent of Americans have suspected that there was a plot.

    Fell free, all loony conspirasy theories welcome.

    BUT. you must mention 'Grassy knoll'
    'That book suppository building' courtesy of FMJ
    Lee Harvey Oswald mit Space Aliens
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  2. Well i have it on good authority that it wasnt Kent police
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  3. Col Mustard in the drawing room with a length of lead pipe. twas him.
  4. JFK was not shot, it was just a massive stroke due to high blood pressure, it really was a no brainer.

    My abiding memory of JFK is that he was a real open minded guy.
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  5. No, as it was Kent County Constabulary in those days. I'll let BounceBanana have the last word on that.
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  6. Magic bullet theory. Genius.
  7. One of the body guards had an accidental unauthorised discharge. Everything was swept under the carpet pronto.

    Edited to add: more total bs.
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  8. Prince Phillip did it.

    Mohammed Al Fayed told me, gen dit

    Sent by carrier pigeon using Speckled Jim
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  9. Whoever killed the mendacious, twisted little warmonger did the world a favour. But conspiracies are bunk, too many people would know, too much to go wrong etc.

    Looking at the CIA's risible attempts to kill Castro (exploding lobsters for Christ's sake), I think we can rule them out as the malefactors, in any case.
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  10. I have it on good authority that ARRSE is to be renamed tinfoilhatsRus.
    That may just be another conspiracy theory though.
  11. But Hitler shot himself didn't he? But you never know with those CIA spooks.
  12. He only had one round of ball, too.
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  13. Forget magic bullets. All I will say is Auld-yin SLR grassy knoll. (said with a tap to the side of my nose).
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  14. I wasn't me.

    I know, I've said that before but this time it really is true.
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  15. Who killed the Kennedy?
    I said the sparrow,
    With my bow and arrow.
    I killed the Kennedy.
    Who saw him die?
    I, said the Fly,
    with my little eye,
    I saw him die.
    Who caught his blood?
    I, said the Fish,
    with my little dish,
    I caught his blood.
    Who'll make the shroud?
    I, said the Beetle,
    with my thread and needle,
    I'll make the shroud.
    Who'll dig his grave?
    I, said the Owl,
    with my pick and shovel,
    I'll dig his grave.
    Who'll be the parson?
    I, said the Rook,
    with my little book,
    I'll be the parson.
    Who'll be the clerk?
    I, said the Lark,
    if it's not in the dark,
    I'll be the clerk.
    Who'll carry the link?
    I, said the Linnet,
    I'll fetch it in a minute,
    I'll carry the link.
    Who'll be chief mourner?
    I, said the Dove,
    I mourn for my love,
    I'll be chief mourner.
    Who'll carry the coffin?
    I, said the Kite,
    if it's not through the night,
    I'll carry the coffin.
    Who'll bear the pall?
    We, said the Wren,
    both the cock and the hen,
    We'll bear the pall.
    Who'll sing a psalm?
    I, said the Thrush,
    as she sat on a bush,
    I'll sing a psalm.
    Who'll toll the bell?
    I said the Bull,
    because I can pull,
    I'll toll the bell.
    All the birds of the air
    fell a-sighing and a-sobbing,
    when they heard the bell toll
    for poor JFK.
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