Jewish bloke goes to a nightclub in full John Travolta gear (white suit, medallion, etc). Within a few minutes he has trapped the best bird in the joint and takes her home.
Getting her into the bedroom, he sensuously strips her and kisses everywhere.
He then takes of his jacket and shirt, revealing a toned torso and hairy chest with the Star of David medallion in the hairs. "Oh yeah!" thinks the lass "I'm going to have fun tonight!".
Then the Jewish guy takes off his trousers and pants only to reveal a triangle of pubic hair and a set of big balls. But no cock.
The girl is less than impressed and states she may as well leave as there is no way that he can make love to her.
"Not so fast, not so fast my girl" says the red sea pedestrian as he claps his hands, and out pops a 1 inch cock.
"So you have the world's smallest cock. Well done, I'm still going home" says the lass.
"Wait a minute" and the guy claps his hands again and again.
Before you can say "would you like to buy a sweetie" his cock is almost a metre long. The girl's eyes are out on stalks, but she tells him that there is no way that he is coming near her with that cock as it will kill her. So he clicks his fingers and his willy reduces by an inch, and by clapping his hands and clicking his fingers gets his cock to the girl's dream proportions.
He flips her over and gets inside. And then does nothing.
The girl is again very disappointed, and tells him that he has to move his cock otherwise she may as well leave.
"Alright already" he replies...
...and then starts clapping his hands and clicking his fingers while singing:
If I were a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard
(from Fiddler on the roof).
Given an all-expenses paid vacation to Hawaii by his congregation for his 25 years service at the temple, the widowed rabbi arrives at his hotel room, and finds a beautiful and naked young woman lying on his bed.
Enraged, the rabbi calls the congregation's president, and shouts, "How could you offer such an insult to me, a man of God? I've never been so offended in my life!" The rabbi then slams the phone down.
The young woman begins to put on her clothes, and the rabbi says, "Where are you going? I'm not mad with you!"
An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi.
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion. "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.
"Okay", says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "You see, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"
Little Jewish lad comes home from school full of pride and tells his mum he'd got a part in the school play. 'What part?' says his mum - the Jewish father, says the lad. Jewish mum clips him round the ear, pushes him out of the door and shouts 'now you go back to that teacher and tell her you want a speaking part!'
Israel preparing for the 6-day war, old Hymie wants to do something for his country so he goes to see Moshe Dayan. 'Moshe, I want to do something for Israel - can I join the Army?'. Moshe tells him to eff off, he's too old. Hymie comes back the next day and the next and so on. Eventually, Moshe gets so fed up with him, he gives him a stack of anti-arab propaganda leaflets and sends him across the border to distribute it, thinking that's the last he'll see of him.
Two years later, there's a knock on Dayan's door and Hymie walks in - 'Moshe, can I have some more of that anti-Arab propaganda'? Moshe says 'I gave you that stuff two years ago - what have you been doing?' Hymie replies 'Moshe, it takes time to sell that stuff over there'.