Jesus

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by phil245, Mar 21, 2013.

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  1. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

    Jesus was walking around Heaven one day, when he saw an old man sitting crying. Jesus walked over to him and said " My Son, this is Heaven, everything is here to my you happy, why are you crying?" The old man said " On earth I was a carpenter, and I lost my only son at an early age, and hoped more than anything to meet here in Heaven" Jesus Looked at the old man, with tears running down his face and said " Father. " The old man looked at Jesus and says " Pinocchio ?"
     
  2. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

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  3. Bit like Appleby. . .

    Added: . . . apart from t' second week in June, of course.
     
  4. Not at all; Appleby had flies in his eyes.
     
  5. But he couldn't see them. How come?
     
  6. You hate him because he has flies in his eyes?
     
  7. He must have been blind or something.
     
  8. There's none so blind as those that won't see. By all accounts he was a big bastard, though.
     
  9. Where was Judas did he want to be in that fucking photo or what?
     
  10. Jesus and Moses laying on the beach and having a few coldies and soaking up the rays.
    Moses turns to Jesus, lifts up his Ray Bans and says "Hey Jesus, do you remember the time you walked on water? That was so cool! Do you reckon you can still do that?"
    Jesus, having had a few beers replies "Of course Moses! After all I am God's son you know!"
    So Jesus jumps up and walks down to the water's edge and then continues out across the water for about a hundred meters, but all of a sudden he just sinks like a stone! He sheepishly swims back to shore and walks up to Moses shaking his head.
    "Bloody hell Jesus! You were going so well there, what happened?"

    "I forgot about the bloody holes in my feet didn't I!"
     
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  11. " Or how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye."

    Who said that? I can't remember.

    I don't think Or said it to his brother, I thought Appleby said it.
    And it was flies, not logs.
    Did Orr have logs in his eyes?
     
  12. Jesus goes into a Motel, walks up to the Reception, says "can you put me up for the night" and hands over three large nails.

    My mini cab please Mahbub.
     
  13. Seemingly not, although he wasn't shy on pointing the finger. Maybe he'd had a finger in his eye?
    As to the log: 60kg? It ain't heavy at one between eight, and it ain't my brother (more like 80kg). I suppose you could have somebody's eye out with it though. 'Specially if he's a shortarse.
     
  14. John 11:35

    :cry:
     
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