Jeremy Taylor - Jobsworth

Discussion in 'Films, Music and All Things Artsy' started by Machristo, Nov 15, 2008.

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  1. Does anybody have the song in the title? I can only find it online as part of the Best Of album. Liberal Man popped up on a playlist earlier and has put me right in the mood for it. The song can be heard HERE, although I'm looking for an MP3 version I could put on my iPod.

    Cheers.

    -Mach

     
  2. SHAMELESS BUMP
     
  3. He must be getting on a bit now. He was our hero at Burton Street School in Dar in the early 60s.
     
  4. Bout 71 if wikipedia is to be trusted. Now, got the song?
     
  5. Nope, sorry. I can sing 'Ag pleez Daddy' over the phone to you if you like.
     
  6. Can we go to the zoo?
     
  7. Verses not necessarily in the right order...

    "Morning Skipper, what can I do for you?"
    "Don't call me Skipper!" "Alright chief, don't shout!"
    Whatever you require, we're very sorry Squire
    But it's ten to one we just sold out.
    Now you might try that shop around the block
    But I don't think they'll have any left in stock
    And if you think we'll get some through inside a month or two
    I'm afraid you're in for a nasty shock... cock!

    (CHORUS)

    When you want to see what the butler saw
    I'm the one who says "Come on, move on!"
    And if you want to stay, you'll have to bleeding pay
    And even then you can't stay long.
    You may be almost dropping dead from thirst
    Or waiting for the toilet fit to burst
    But I've got the key, and you won't get that from me
    Until I've had my little grumble first...

    (CHORUS)

    I'll come back if I think of any more (or if I dig up the LP mouldering in the garage...)
     
  8. According to a post here - http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=1503:

    JOBSWORTH
    Words (and Music?) by Jeremy Taylor

    Now, I was just an ordinary English man,
    Till I got me uniform, and hat,
    And ever since that hour, I exercise me power,
    Preventing you from doing this and that.
    You'll find me on the turnstiles at the zoo,
    Or outside the Roxy, marshalling the queue,
    And if you turn up late, when I'm on the gate,
    It's no good asking me to let you through... 'cause I'll just say:

    CHORUS: Jobsworth, josbsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
    I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
    I can keep you standing, for hours in the queue,
    And if you don't like, you know what you can do! (A...a...ah...ah)

    When you're trying to see, what the butler saw,
    I'm the one who says; "Come on, move on!",
    And if you want to stay, you'll have to bleedin' pay,
    And even then you can't stay long.
    You may be almost dropping dead from thirst,
    Or waiting for the toilet, fit to burst,
    But I've got the key ... and you won't get that from me,
    Until I've had me little grumble first!

    Chorus:
    Jobsworth, josbsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
    I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
    I can keep you standing, for hours in the queue,
    And if you don't like, you know what you can do! (La, la, la, la, la, la, la la la la, la, la)

    Spoken: (Yes, well, I died in the last war for people like you ... don't you forget it!)

    Fishing in the river, on a summer's day,
    I s'pose you think that water's all for free?
    But, I've got news for you; everybody pays his due,
    And right now it'll cost you 50p (plus VAT).
    Don't think you can picnic on the grass,
    Public amenity ... my ah ... foot,
    And if you want fresh air, you'll find some over there,
    But I don't fell inclined to let you pass ...without a backhander.

    CHORUS: Jobsworth, josbsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
    I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
    I can keep you standing, for hours in the queue,
    And if you don't like, you know what you can do!
    (A...a...ah...ah...)

    Mornin' Skipper, what can we do for you? (Recitative)
    "Don't call me Skipper!" ... All right Chief, don't shout. (Recitative)
    Whatever you require, we're very sorry, Squire,
    But it's ten to one we just sold out.
    'Course ... you could try that shop around the block ... (sniff),
    But I doubt if he's got any left in stock,
    And if you think we'll get 'em through, inside a month or two,
    I'm afraid you're in for a nasty shock, ... Cock.

    CHORUS: Jobsworth, josbsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
    I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
    I can keep you standing, for hours in the queue,
    And if you don't like, you know what you can do!

    When you get back home, you will heave a sigh,
    And thank the Lord that you've got rid of me.
    But it won't be very long before your telephone goes wrong,
    And you need someone to fix your ... TV,
    And add to that, your lights have all gone out, (Nya, nya)
    And your central heating boiler's up the spout,
    And when you're tearing your hair, and the wife's going spare,
    You'll hear us in the distance calling out: (Two, three, four...)

    CHORUS: Jobsworth, josbsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
    I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
    I can keep you standing, for ...years in the queue,
    And if you don't like, you know what you can do! (You can lump it!)

    You know what ... you ... can ... do!
    (Rump, duddie ah dah - rump dah - vroom)

    SPOKEN: Of course, that is the spirit that won the last war. When Hitler said: "I'm coming to invade you", we said, "Sorry mate; we're closed!"
     
  9. PM sent

    Now, who's got Paddy Roberts' "The englishman and his usual bloody cold"? :D
     
  10. Oh, the Englishman is noted for his sang-froid
    Which translated means his usual bloody cold
    And he loves his pipe and slippers
    And the missus and the nippers
    And he's happy simply growing old;
    And he never says a word if he can help it
    That's why people say he's always full of phlegm;
    He's quite unmoved by atom bombs and rockets to the sun
    He never talks to strangers 'cos it simply isn't done
    But when cricket starts his fury's uncontrolled -
    The Englishman with his usual bloody cold!

    Oh the Englishman could not be called romantic
    His technique is not particularly good
    All the French and the Italians
    Chase their women round like stallions
    But the Englishman's a suet pud.
    And the slightest demonstration of affection
    He regards as being slightly infra dig
    He says the way the Fench behave is absolutely nuts
    He'd like to try it really but he hasn't got the guts
    He's scared to death the neighbours might be told -
    The Englishman with his usual bloody cold!

    Oh the Englishman has lots of little foibles
    And some of them are really past belief
    He's still of the opinion
    That the folk in the Dominions
    All regard him as the big white chief..
    But in spite of all these curious delusions
    Underneath it all he has a heart of gold
    And when the Armageddon comes and all the world is dust...
    And men will come to judgment, as we know they surely must...
    He'll be there with his umbrella neatly rolled -
    The Englishman with his usual bloody cold!


    (They really, really don't write them like that any more :cry: )

    Edited for spelling.
     
  11. Shandy, a thousand of my most humble apologies. I hadn't noticed you'd so kindly replied to my request

    IIRC "Not in front of the children" is available on Amazon and unless my "nippers" wish to be cut off with a shilling I shall expect a copy for my forthcoming birthday :)

    That song brings back so many memories........I've come over all unnecessary and sentimental :oops:
     
  12. To be a little more military; I worked with Aussies in the mid sixties and they had two songs I'd really like the words of. The choruses were:

    And the cheeks of her @rse went bang, bang, bang
    Good ole Mary Ann!

    and

    Bring it up, Bring it up
    That's the ??? it means to me
    When I've had a tube or two
    What I really like to do
    Is chunter in the old Pacific sea.
     
  13. Does anyone recall I Ludicrous' classic hit(?) "Preposterous tales of Ken McKenzie"?
     
  14. Paddy Roberts was a South African and couth to the core - you're quite lowering the tone by even mentioning the uncouth Antipodeans on the wrong side of the Indian Ocean :D
     
  15. Sorry, I quite like Paddy Roberts stuff - Be Prepared and Lavender Cowboy spring to mind - and I knew Jeremy Taylor when I was on the folk circuit. However I was under the impression that this thread was a 'does anyone know the words' sort of thing... :)