Jehovah's bloody witnesses.

Discussion in 'Old & Bold' started by ancient, Aug 24, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. They've been round again. They've got all the answers and skins thicker than armour plate. Without ending up on a charge of assault and battery, what's the best way to get rid of them? Shallow graves?Feed 'em to the pigs?
  2. Picture of Hitler in the hallway and playing Horst Wessel Lied, they'll be off before you get to "Die Reihen fest geschlossen"
    • Like Like x 2
  3. Tell them you're a gay spiritualist.
  4. In the distant, dusty recesses of my memory (just over there to the left of the boxes marked "white dog poo" and "SLR stoppage drills") there's something about saying you're Catholic or that you give blood. **** knows why, but I expect there'll be an anorak along in a minute to put us out our misery...
  5. They were pestering my mate on his doorstep and wouldn't take the hint to go away.

    After telling him how important God was to their lives they asked what was important in his life.

    His reply was "ZZ Top and the Foo Fighters, now **** OFF!", followed by slamming the door in their faces. They have not been back since.

  6. Get one of them Jewish skull cap jobbies, apparently there not allowed to try and convert them.
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Tell em your a catholic, works for me.
  8. Tell em to **** off and let the dog go to the door.Get rid of them here
  9. Talk to them about dinosaurs. Ask them why there is no mention of them in the bible, yet there is physical evidence of them. They squirm trying to answer, but usually give up and go away.
    • Like Like x 2
  10. Failing that, just keep shouting praise the lord after everything they say.
    • Like Like x 3
  11. Answer the front door wearing a large flowing robe, and explain you can't speak to them right now as you are busy and need to go slaughter a goat for your altar. A lengthy knife in one hand, (with a bit of carefully applied ketchup), can add to the authenticity of your claim.
  12. Jovies aren't a problem for me, where I work the manager and his family who also work here are Jovies. They know where i live and have passed on the address to the jovies who's area for bothering people I come under.
    He told me they have a list of addresses to avoid.
    Mormons though are a bunch of ***** who should be gassed and the last thing they should see is a copy of the notice I put on the front door when I am on nights, which reads "Night shift worker, please do not knock unless urgent or a delivery".
    Oh and the ******* who go door to door trying to flog virgin tv/broadband/phone, I'm a customer already you ******* deranged twats, surely they should have a list of customers?
  13. Never get bothered, I think it is the Greenman on the door that keeps them away
    • Like Like x 2
  14. Point out that according to their own beliefs only 144,000 of them are going to Heaven, so statistically the odds are against them being one of the lucky ones, leaving you as a 'new convert' with no hope.

    Advise them that your Horoscope said you should beware of visiting strangers with a message!! (Horoscopes a big no no to Jehovah's Witnesses).
    • Like Like x 2
  15. A swift "**** off" normally gets the ones round here to.. **** off. Or tell them you're a homosexual and watch them back away slowly holding their arse cheeks together !