Jehovah comes aknockin

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Fugly, Oct 19, 2006.

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  1. Fugly

    Fugly LE DirtyBAT

    I am fairly tolerant, in that i believe what i believe, and i respect what the person next to me believes, even if it differs from my own view.

    PC nutters are going to go mad with this.

    The doorbell rang today. Answered the door, and was greeted by a couple of middle-aged women, looking very happy and well turned out. I greeted them, and was obviously hit by the intro to have a look at their publication etc.... what did i think about the terrorist threat etc.......

    It must have been about 10 minutes later (after they peddled complete religious shite) when i said "Well i'm in the Army, so is everyone else living in this estate, and i can't see anyone here signing up to a religion which doesnt allow blood transfusions for a start. Ive just got back from Iraq, and half the estate is either over there or in Afghanistan. If i got hit over there, why would i deny myself the right to stay alive over some stupid belief?"

    They left fairly sharpish, suprise suprise.

    I have no problem with any religion, unless they knock on my door and ask me to join them - that just makes me hate them more.
  2. Nehustan

    Nehustan On ROPs

    Last time the Jehovah's witnesses came a knocking on my door I made them (and their son) a cup of tea, reached down my bible and compared notes on the kingdom to come. Wife was a bit miffed tho'.
  3. It's an absolute hoot to see people who,having passed the "No Trespassing" sign at the begining of the drive and the" Remain in your vehicle, Guard Dogs loose" halfway up,are backed up against their car with a pair of german shepheards trying to decide which limb to start snacking on.They seldom return.
  4. Send them to me. I have lots of spare time.


    Yusuf Islam.
  5. Some Jehovas' witnesses interupted me once while I was landscape gardening. They dont bother me now, make good foundations actually, I invited them in for a cuppa then beat them over the head with a spade and put them under my new patio. Not too worried about the police, they have no witnesses :wink:
  6. Nehustan

    Nehustan On ROPs

    Bit of an aside but did you hear that Rosemary West is going to be released?
  7. when I was younger, not family-ed up, I used to tell mormons and JWs that I was a Catholic ordinand. That made them split sharpish...
  8. Religion is a dish best eaten in private.

    Summer of '98.I'm sitting in my apartment minding my own business when the doorbell rings.I open the door expecting to see the landlord come to complain about the loudness which I've been playing my porno tapes ( a couple of my neighbours had lodged a complaint the day before.)

    Instead I come face to face with a very pretty lady standing on my doorstop.She introduces herself as Nikita and I can immediately tell she is Russian.She has a bike leaning on the wall and since I live two floors up, I briefly wonder how she got it up the stairs.

    She says she is a Jehova's witness and can she come in and share the "word" with me and Mrs Devil Dog?I quickly assure her that I haven't seen my missus since the day she ran off with the postman a few weeks prior.

    She comes in,takes a seat and promptly launches into a long discourse about the merits of being born again.She then asks for a glass of water.Since I don't have any clean glasses I decide to run down to the store to procure bottled water.

    At the store ,it suddenly occurs to me that I have been practising involuntary celibacy for the last week or so and this might be an excellent opportunity to remedy the situation.I wrestle with the thought for a minute or two then finally decide that the opportunity to feck a Russian does not present itself very often so instead of buying water I end up getting a six pack of beer and a box of condoms.

    I walk into the apartment to find dear Nikita had made herself comfortable and was at that moment familiarising herself with my extensive collection of "girls gone wild" DVDs.She looks at me and tells me I'm such a "naughty" boy and the look she gives me tells me life is about to take a dramatic turn.

    She ended up staying with me for the weekend and boy what a weekend it was.She did the dishes,washed me meagre laundry and assuaged my sexual appetite like no other has done since.

    The following Monday,I got a letter in the mail telling me I had 30 days to vacate the premises because my presence there was deemed "unsuitable" for the spiritual welfare of the children living across the hall from me.

    Since then, I've always had a "hard" spot for Jehova Witnesses.You never know the blessings they might bring when you open your door for them.Especially when they open their legs for you. :)
  9. Nehustan

    Nehustan On ROPs

    Yep as I heard it she was let out on day release and the judge that passed sentence took her out for a meal!!!!
  10. As a relatively new poster I'd like to just clarify whether Devil Dog here commonly inserts random sexual fantasies into threads? It was the bit about the JW being Russian wot gave it away.

    Maybe I should start a thread entitled "What's the biggest object you've ever considered using as an anal vibrator" just to see what he comes up with...

  11. Oh there is some of those running around.

    Summer of '97.I'd just finished a six year stint at the local jail where I'd been locked up for driving an icepick into some bonehead who had dared question my word.

    Peniless, homeless but mostly horny, I decide to head out to the spot where I had buried a bullion of gold that the mafia had entrusted to me for safekeeping....

    Then I ran into Mrs Spack Bandit who was using a two foot anal vibrator on herself.I considered using it but said nah....
  12. Nehustan

    Nehustan On ROPs

    He was heard to ask at the table 'Shall we crack a bottle of champagne'. To which Rosemary replied 'No, not my style but I could murder a couple of tennents.'
  13. Classic! Good effort keep it up folks, sat in office laughing out loud
  14. Or when the police interviewing Fred said we found 15 bodies not 10 like you said his reply was well mate I'm a builder it was only an estimate
  15. The one and only time the JW's came knokcing on my door I nealry pulled it of its hinges and bellowed "FUCK OFF" in their faces. Never bothered me again