Japanese managers

I have to talk to some tomorrow. Any suggestions from Arrse linguists about polite things I could say to them ? Ohayogozaimasu means 'Your wife likes oral' if I remember rightly...
Make some reference to Unit 731. If they know what you're talking about the shit will hit the fan, if they don't then A) They'll think you're mad, B) They have no idea of their own country's' past.


Book Reviewer
When presenting your business card, hold it square on to the manager using thumb and forefinger of both hands. Lean forward four inches (do not bow) and extend the arms slowly. Gob on the card and stick it on the managers forehead with a cheery "Pick the bones out of that you rice burning cunt". Japanese mangers are renowned for their sense of humour and their warm giggles will set the tone for a productive meeting of minds.
From my Jap slapping manual;

Ohayo Gozaimas : good morning
Kon-nichiwa : good day - good efty - good afternoon
Konbanwa : good evening

Hajime-mashte : pleased to meet you

An example would be;
“Hajime-mashte. Raa-mont (Lamont) des. Dozo yoroshku”
“Pleased to meat you. I am Lamont. And you are/please introduce yourself”

Ogenki deska? : how are you Genki des : I’m fine - [alternatively Genki des-yo : I’m very well (more emphatic)]

Domo : Ta/ta muchly
Domo Arigato : thank you
Domo Arigato Gozaimas : thank you very much
Domo Arigato Gozaimas-ta : thank you for all/everything you’ve done (till this moment)
Do itashimashte : you’re welcome
Osewa ni Narimashta : thank you for your help

So Des : That’s correct, yes of course
So Desne : oh is it? Isn’t it? Isn’t that right.
So Dayo : slang version of So Des.
Onegaishimas : please continue, please begin or please proceed. Said not as a command but more as an imploration/encouragement
Dozo : after you, go ahead, feel free

Gambatte Kudasai : do your best - give it laldy - come on big man.

Goburei : oops! My fault. I’m very sorry. Please forgive me for;
a) striking an unprotected or vulnerable area
b) taking unfair advantage
c) being arrogant, presumptuous or inattentive
d) spoiling your technique/practice due to my clumsiness (sorry for being a half wit)

Baka Des : I’m a thicko, I’m a donkey, I’m stupid. Can be said about yourself or at someone (impolite)

Daijobu des : well done, that’s right, that’s it.
Chigaimas : that’s wrong.
Kekko des : no thanks or that’s fine or no I’m ok etc lots of uses and extremely polite.

Hope this helps...
Make some reference to Unit 731. If they know what you're talking about the shit will hit the fan, if they don't then A) They'll think you're mad, B) They have no idea of their own country's' past.
Ever seen the film about that mob? Bunch of fucking slinty eyed cunts. Or perhaps read the Knights of Bushido by Lord Russell of Liverpool, the slinty eyed cunts.

In fact subhuman slinty eyed cunts.
I'm assuming your location at present is Japan?
If not get him to speak English and remind the little yellow fellow who won the fucking war.
Ask them whether they speak English. If they don't respond with "Yes" ask again, louder and more slowly.
If you want to introduce yourself as Ciggie from ARRSE Ltd. you would say:

Watashi wa ARRSE no Ciggie des.

Japanese names are said in the Asian manner, i.e. family name first then given name, and the 'san' is tacked on to the given name, i.e. Suzuki Tetsuo-san.

As an ice-breaker you could ask if they have tied any POW's to a tree and bayoneted them recently.


Me no drinky suckie suckie for ten dolla!!!, you pay now!!!!
You're confusing your languages there. You're speaking Vietnamese in fact. Jap girls prefer scat and have pixelated vaginas.

Op. Get your jap manager to lie under a glass coffee table while you lay a cable on it. This is the precursor to a warm and cordial meeting.
Vile cunts all of them. I thought I was racist for calling the darkie a darkie, these vile cunts are so up their own arse they think anyone from outside of Japan is lower caste and will treat them as such.

Their cowardice is legendary, they refuse to drive over here 'just in case', they refuse to go out (socially with others) 'just in case'. They will absolutely refuse to make a decision unless either by committee or unless instructed by the grand high yellow monkey of the company/organisation. They will back down if you front them over anything, but wil covertly criticise you to others (a colleague of mine told a Nip he was wrong, I got a summons up to the Chief Yellow Monkey to tell me to either make him apologise or to 'red card' him from the job, spoke to colleague and he decided to transfer voluntarily - he was vindicated the following week when the little yellow cunt flap was proven to be wrong).

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