Jack mate tries it on with mrs!

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Captain_Fabulous, Sep 14, 2006.

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  1. A mate of mine got back from Telic last week so saturday night I picked him up from Aldershot and we all went on the p1ss. Meanwhile mrs. Fabulous was at her mate's house, and on the way back from the pub we called to collect her because she didn't want to walk home on her own. On arrival we got invited in for a drink.

    Unknown to me, while my back was turned my so-called mate proceeded to harrass my mrs to the point where she no longer wants to be in the same room as him again. She didn't tell what Jack-boy was up to at the time because she thought I'd kick off but I got it out of her last night! At one point while she was having a p1ss he went into the toilet and was all over like a tramp on chips , trying to stick his tongue down her throat. She told him to fcuk off but he kept asking her to go in the bedroom giving it "he (capt_fab) won't notice"! I served with a bloke who did similar with a bird in the cpl's mess and he is now doing time for Indecent assault!

    Can't even write it off to him being pissed because the next morning He tried it on again while I was having a slam, then still being unaware I bought the cnut breakfast and gave him a lift home!

    In the past I've had to brief him up when he's been a fat, idle, useless, jack, w4nker and he's always been backed off and apologised, and because we were mates I always put it down to him being p1ssed, but he's over-stepped it this time! I should've dropped the cnut years ago, the lazy, jack, leaching, drug-taking fatherless!

    He's in Leconfield untill the end of the week so I can't grip him untill then. Best course of action? B0ll0ck him in the pub in front of everyone or just proceed straight to kicking?
  2. Straight to kicking would seem the way forward.

    A drunken pass is one thing but trying it on again whilst sober is just downright caddish.

    Some form of blunt force to said cads testicles would seem to be the way forward.
  3. Boolock him?? Dont even bother with that, go straight in for the kill, head shot.

    What a cnut don't ever talk to him again after this!!

    This infuriates me so much!!
  4. And he didn't even offer you two's up?
    the shite is not your mate, nack him!
  5. She was begging for it, you obviously don't care, she is trying to tell you that she is fcukign him behind your back and has been for three years.

    He fingered her in the back room while you poured him a beer... when he shook your hand he was grinning because it smelt of your Mrs

    Advice: chain them both together, any kids involved are probably his.... shovel them both to a state of semi conciousness..... make him give you head in front of her then cut their throats with the edge of a plastic food container. It'll take ages and you can relish in thier agony.
  6. ANd send him a text to let him know what is inbound to him. Let the cnut stew for a couple of days. I live in the Shot, so if its going to be a good'un, PM me and I'll come round and larf at the blood !
  7. Don't be so selfish, the poor bloke has just got back off tour.

    You should have let him have a do on your missus and then compared notes over a pint later down the pub.

    Pah, call yourself a mate!

  8. Either brass the cnut up with a belt of 200 on the gympy or cut his fcking head off.

    Job done. :twisted:
  9. I'll come too - i havent seen a decent fight in the shot for ages.
  10. My bold. Am I missing something here no lock on the bathroom door?? I would have kicked off myself if someone had done that to me let alone worrying about my hubby kicking off!!

    B0llock him in the pub unless you dont mind getting arrested and/or going to jail.
  11. cut his tackle off
    and force feed it to him, that should put a stop to it!
  12. Get all the testosterone on this thread....

    She likes blokes to snog her while she's p1ssing!!!

    Your better off rid of her, just ask your pal if he can swap bedspaces, he shacks up with yrou frau and you move back into the block and try to find a bird that doesn't fcuk yer pals.
  13. Trust me on this one, ask him what the f*ck he was playing at and just before his feeble excuse starts to come out of his mouth smash a hard lash into his face and calmly let him know that you 'don't want to see him around here again' etc. Then leave it at that. He;s not going to report it as the indignation of being floored by his best mate, im sure would be too much to handle, equally were his troop staffy/ CSM to enquire why his face was inside out and he told the them about his failed conquest, he would be viewed as a f*cking jack cnut!There you have it. MDN, you're one sick f*ck. (but i made a note about the plastic container thingy, might come in handy!!)

    Cheers Easy!
  14. Have you not been to Cheeks recently then!

    Much as it's only a bird that's jack as Fcuk, don't give him any warning don't let on you know then when he's back get him to go for a run with you up the training area and do him over good and proper.
  15. No i haven't, I'm usually too busy peeling off my rons and getting my saggy tits out for a pound a go up Tiffany's.