I've seen things you people wouldn't believe...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Draft Dodger, Jun 19, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. so imagine you're a replicant/cyborg/robocop (shouldnt be too far a stretch of the imagination for some of our more, bionic, posters) and you're about to sign off after being chased down by the Blade Runner,

    what are the sights from your life that will pass by your minds eye in your final moments?

    it can be anything, gods creation, warry pish, horrific porn whatever. personally i'd go for lying on the bonnet of my mates car chain smoking and looking up at the milky way on a chrystal clear night in the highlands*

    war stuff would have to be the weird thing wokka wokka rotors did at night when coming into contact with the dust in the air creating static electricity and giving them an odd lighting effect at the rotor tip.

    i'll leave horrific porn and please dont feel you have to stick to these three categories.


    *i wait with bated breath for the "fixed that for you" post that will see me lying on my mates bonnet staring up into his arsehole or something
     
  2. I really hope I don't have the time to think of anything in my last moments (though various nubile slags and a dicky ticker would not be to bad). Woody Allen and all that "I don't mind dieing just don't want to be there when it happens"

    But I really hope I dont think of you and your mates arrse hole on the bonnet of a Capri.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Seeing my mates wifes arsehole spread open as I was about to slide my cock in, that had been lubed up with her spit.
     
  4. Capri? i'm not that old and he wasnt that cool. it was a lime green citroen saxo with a weird sun roof/soft top
     
  5. Is the nurse late with the medication?
     
  6. This is the sort of crap that belongs on 4Chan shurely?
     
  7. ...Kate Humble climbing out of a swimming pool in Namibia, wearing a 'borrowed' red bikini that was much too small for her. She wanted to chat with me about the shoot and walked towards me, dripping and shaking her hair.... fade to black.
     
    • Like Like x 8
  8. fu2

    fu2 LE

    With my last breath I pull the trigger and think "Got you you bastard Blair"
     
    • Like Like x 9
  9. The only thing that will pass by my minds eye in my final moment will be;

    Fuck, that was a stupid thing to do!
     
    • Like Like x 3
  10. "I don't deserve this!"

    If it's been sent from my HTC Sensation using Tapatalk then I'm probably pissed.
     
  11. Or the perenial favourite "Oh shit, this is going to hurt."
     
  12. Winning at rugby.
    Doing 176 mph on the M40 on a ZX7R.
    The ambush on the way back to the Shat al Arab hotel.
    Nailing my missus in Paris outside a club (same in Deutchland- but she was wearing her wedding dress having lost a bet).
    The birth of my nipper.
    The house martins/swallows on the Prarie in Canada swarming all around me on a summers evening while waiting to be picked up with a knackard Warrior.
    The pissups with my mates/family and the times I've laughed so hard beers come out of my nose.
    Convent of Hell dirty cartoon book!
     
  13. I imagine my last thoughts will be one of the following.

    1) "That was fun, but now plod have shown up I really should have brought more ammo."

    2) "I'm surprised I can still get it up never mind pull 23 yr old Playboy centrefold twins at 96"

    3) "Fuck me, I wasnt expecting her to finish work this early..."
     
    • Like Like x 6
  14. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Jesus fucking Christ. We've all peered up our mates ringpiece in the moonlight so no big deal. But a Citroen Saxo? I'd fade away quietly, start a new nic and hope nobody notices.

    As for last thoughts, I hope I m screaming my head off too loud to think about it. But I'll go with the words of an auld Irish bloke. "May you live 100 years and may I be the last man you speak to".
     
    • Like Like x 1
  15. Fuck all the "Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion." malarkey, here's a shed.
    [​IMG]
    Replicants love sheds.
     
    • Like Like x 6