Ive lost me contact lense

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BanjoBill, Jun 22, 2008.

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  1. Went in the pub last night and there's two knob heads sitting at a table, I saw one showing the other a piece of dope. Just as he held it under his mate's nose it sprang from his fingers and arched through the air heading for terra firma. For a moment they sat there looking blankly at each other, then in synchronised stupidity jumped out of their seats and embarked on groveling around on the ground like a pair of hungry pigs.

    However, I had never lost sight of said piece of flying shitty stuff and could see they were searching no where near. Not a very busy pub and well within earshot of the Landlord, who is about 6' wide and built like a brick sh1t palace. I approached the dozy pair - nice and clearly I enquired "Lost something lads?"

    One of them, just looked at me very worried... the other who naturally WAZ DE BRAINZ said "Oh yeh mate, I've lost a contact lense." Nice and loud I replied, "No sh1t, that's real bad luck." then proceeded to pick up the piece of dope with complete act of total sarcasm and nice loud "Oh look what I've found here landlord - a piece of dope."

    The landlord got the message and said pair got the heave....o. And I got a free pint.
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  3. Aye - grass I am...

    And proud of it. Would happily grass any drug dealer... user up. In fact, I think the law should be changed so that decent people can kick ten bells of sh1t out of em... win gongs etc for doing their duty for the community.... on this occasion through... the dealer was simply heaved out of the pub by a very polite landlord (and mate of mine)... who doesn't want his pub turning into a den for drug dealers.
  4. Good on you mate!
    Too much turning a blind eye to this sort of crap.
  5. What a w.anchor.

    You a copper?
  6. Suprised they wasnt waiting for you afterwards ready to stick their steely blade of death into you multiple times.
  7. No worries there mate... there's more energy in my sh1t. They're the kind of heroes who hide behind keyboards calling other people w@nkers in forums.

    The real: [​IMG]'s
  8. Good drills!
  9. What a fucking gopping copper's nark of a cunt you are. Don't do drugs personally but I fucking hate grasses especially those self righteous big headed ones that post on a web forum about how holier than thou they are. If I didn't know better I'd say you were a civvy.

    Did I say you were a gopping cunt? You gopping cunt.
  10. Sorry buddy, clearly your too dumb to have noticed. But no coppers involved - just a drug dealer and his mate removed from my mate's pub. Now jog along - that's a good lad.

    P.S. Yes - am a civvy... have been for a long long time now.
  11. Copper's nark as in grass - you thick, gopping, civvy squealer. Now you jog on - you gopping cunt.
  12. No worries mate... you're obviously a loyal, serving member of the Armed Forces and if a junkie decided to set up shop in your mate's pub - your mate can always rely on you to turn a blind eye.

    Just for the record... what you in... and how the fuk did you get in?
  13. Must be the 25th SAS then... just keeping it quiet, Dumb arrse fukker.
  14. Come on FiveAlpha... I had high expectations of you... I suppose it's back to the DS unit at Hereford hey... break a few more wannabes... stop em making it through selection.
    I know, you're not allowed to talk about it... synchronised faces - blackened watches... hush hush etc etc. My regards to the Head Shed.
  15. Someone's tired.